Ruin

“And Wolf rises above temptation,” I sang.

“Wolf likes temptation.”

“Wolf needs to watch the movie.”

“Lamb needs to stop talking before Wolf silences her with his teeth.”

My grin was so huge, I swear I couldn’t see out of my own eyes as I laughed and turned away from him. “Stop!”

“Not used to hearing that particular word. What ever does it mean?”

“It means no.” I pushed at his hand as it rested on my hip and lifted my shirt to touch bare skin.

“Hmm, what’s no mean?”

“It means…” The movie suddenly blasted across the screen.

Wes leaned down and spoke against my ear, “Saved by the Mouse.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I should have walked away. Instead, I blocked the way, made myself so impossible to walk away from that it was too late. Late, early, not that it mattered, time wasn’t on my side, and she wouldn’t be either, not when I told her.

Weston

She fell asleep in my arms during the first fifteen minutes. I closed my eyes, not because I was tired, but because it felt normal. I could almost imagine it was normal. I’d taken my girlfriend home for the holidays, we got bored, watched a movie, and she fell asleep.

But it wasn’t.

I checked my watch.

I needed to take more meds, so as much as it killed me to move that gorgeous girl away from me — it was time for bed. I picked up a piece of hair and examined it, twisting it between my fingers. It wasn’t an obsession with hair, it was more of an obsession with everything that made her unique. Her red hair, her smile, her laugh, the way she pushed people away — the way she let me in.

Damn. I was screwed, so damn screwed.

She would find out soon. I’d have to tell her. I had one game left and then Coach was going to bench me. He said I wasn’t the same player I used to be. I couldn’t argue that. Not with me puking at practice every day. I knew I was letting the team down, but it was better to step down from the entire team then to allow them to get their asses kicked or worse, allow any of them to get hurt because I couldn’t hold my shit together anymore.

I just hadn’t realized Coach would call my dad, or that my dad would tell him I was sick.

“Sick?” Coach had asked, “Well, will he get better?”

My dad hadn’t said anything because he didn’t know, just like I didn’t know, just like the doctors didn’t know.

He’d argued with me about it again. Wanting me to at least see if the tumor was shrinking. I didn’t want to know. Who the hell would? I had a freaking tumor twisting its way dangerously close to my heart, and they wanted to know if it was growing?

Hell. No.

I’d rather live in ignorance than see the scan of that monster inside my chest. If the drugs weren’t shrinking it, chances were, I’d die in surgery or come out of it and be made comfortable.

Dad didn’t know, but I was going to ask the doctors about that.

Why would I want to live through surgery? Only to die a few months later in pain?

Maybe that made me a coward. Hell, I felt like one most days. Especially as the days got closer to my surgery. I had three more weeks until D-day. Three more weeks to either tell Kiersten the truth or break her damn heart.

What the hell had I been thinking to give her as much time as I had left? Her eyes had lit up. I knew she was thinking that was a great promise. It was all I freaking had to give her.

Time was the most precious thing in the world to me, and I’d just given her all of it. Because I was falling for her. Because I cared for her. Because I wanted to give her something to remember me by, even if it would eventually fade like its namesake. Time… what an absolute horror-inducing word.

Chapter Thirty

I wish I could forget the dreams… I wish I could be with him every night. And here I thought the nightmares were gone.

Kiersten

I woke up screaming. And then for reasons I really didn’t want to dig into, let alone discuss with that logical part of my brain that normally made good decisions, I padded my way to Wes’s room.

Just as I lifted my hand to knock, the door swung open.

And I stared slack-jawed at that amazing eight pack. Was I sighing? Yes. Biting my cheek to keep from gri

“Feeling better?” Wes tilted my chin up so that he could see my face.

“How did you know I was feeling bad?” I asked in a sleepy voice.

He sighed and opened the door for me so I could walk in. “I heard you screaming.”

“Oh.”

I looked down at his clenched fists and felt instantly guilty. Embarrassment washed over me as I took a step back. His hands came around my waist, lifting me into the air. In an instant I was lying on his bed.

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. The nightmare’s gone and—” I struggled to get up from the bed, but he held me firm in his arms.

Wes brushed a kiss against my forehead. “You didn’t let me finish.” He gave me a sexy grin. “I was on my way to your room to beat whatever monsters were hiding under your bed.”

“You slay dragons now?”

“Is that what you dream about?” He pulled me against him so we were lying chest to chest. “Dragons?”

“I wish.” I shuddered in his arms. “A lot of times I dream about death, about my parents’ death. They’re drowning and I can’t reach them. I’m always too late.”

Wes’s grip tightened around my waist, his breathing seemed to pick up. Licking his lips he kissed my forehead. “Time’s a bitch, isn’t it?”

I laughed. “Yeah, it really is.”

“If only I would have done this, I should have done this, I could have done this…” He swore. “Life is full of those three.”

“Three?”

“Woulda, shoulda, coulda.” Wes traced my jaw with his fingertip. “It’s human nature to assume that we have that sort of control over what happens to us, but the truth is… life happens and sometimes you’re too late. Hell, sometimes you’re too early. Sometimes you make the wrong choice just like sometimes you make the right one. The only time people ever use those three is when things don’t go the right way. People don’t question themselves when things are going well. They question themselves when things have gone to hell.”

I hadn’t really thought about that.

“You can spend your life in that zone, thinking you have even a sliver of control over things that you have no power over. Rather than concentrating on what you should have done, concentrate on what you can do now.”

“And what’s that?” I asked breathlessly.

“Kiss your totally sexy and wise boyfriend…” He kissed my nose. “Let him slay your dragons.” His lips moved to my cheek. “And know that in this moment… you’re not living in the woulda, shoulda, coulda zone. You’re exactly where the universe wants you to be.”

“In your bed?” I gri

“Nah.” His mouth met mine. “In my arms.”

Breath hissed out of my mouth as he pressed his lips against mine. Everything about him was so warm and alive. I pressed my hands against his chest, loving the way his skin felt against my fingertips.

He pulled back, eyes closed, and swore, clenching my hands to his chest as if they were his lifeline, as if my touch was somehow changing his world.

“I can feel you,” he whispered. “I love having your hands here.” His eyes opened, but it didn’t look like Wes. It looked like a ghost of him, as if he wasn’t really present with me but somewhere far away. “I wish I could be whole for you.”

“Whole?” I slid my hands to his shoulders and pulled him closer. “You go

He hesitated and then shrugged “Nah, just wish I could be totally yours, only yours. I wish I could get a do-over.”