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A small sob escaped me, and then his lips were upon mine, desperate and fervent in his fierce need. My heart leapt and soared in my chest, everything within me screamed for so much more. I melted against him, clinging to him, never wanting to let go of his solid arms as my mind spun with happiness and desire. Even though I knew this wasn’t real, that it couldn’t last, I allowed myself to be swept up in the joy and wonder that filled me.
It may not be just an illusion, but it was so unbelievably right that the agony within me eased. I found I could actually breathe again as his tongue swept into my mouth. His hands found my cheeks, my hair, and my collarbone before stroking over my arms once more. He moved suddenly, lifting me and settling me into his lap. His hand entangled in my hair as he pulled my head back, his lips traveled over my throat for a brief moment.
“ MyBethany,” he whispered again.
I was crying freely now, I couldn’t stop it as pleasure and sorrow encompassed me. “Yes,” I agreed over and over. “Forever,” I vowed.
He pulled slowly back; his midnight eyes were brilliant, sparkling in the bright light of day. I hated the grief in them, the loss. “You must hold onto your hope Bethany.”
“I can’t hope for you to return anymore, it’s too hard, it’s too much.” I could barely speak through the agony wrenching at my soul. “I’ll love you forever and always, but I have to let myself grieve for you now. I must.”
His fingers stroked lightly over my cheeks, his head tilted slightly to the side. He was magnificent in the light, heartbreakingly handsome, and he was mine. Even if he was gone forever, he would always be mine. “I did not say hope for me Bethany. You must grieve me, you must let me go one day, but you have to hold onto your hope.”
“I have no hope anymore,” I breathed.
“Of course you do. You wouldn’t be here, and you wouldn’t be doing this, if you didn’t. You must cling to your hope, hold onto it, and use it to get you through these hard times.”
I frowned at him, not understanding what he meant, and then I got it. “I do have hope for mankind. I dohave hope that we will survive.”
His grin was breathtaking, his eyes alight with delight. “I know you do, and as long as you hold onto that hope you will survive.”
I frowned; his words had broken my small bubble of bliss I’d discovered in this dream world. “Of course you know,” I whispered through the growing lump in my throat. “This is only a dream, you are only my subconscious. Of course you know that there is hope still within me, even if I hadn’t realized it until now.”
Sadness crept over him, his hands stroked through my honey colored hair as he spread it out before us. In the real world my hair wasn’t loose; it was tied back in a long braid and twisted into a bun in order to keep it from tangling to badly. It also wasn’t this clean as regular showers and bathes were a luxury that we didn’t always have anymore. I was glad that it was gleaming and shiny in this world though. I didn’t care if he was real or not, I still wanted to be clean and look as good as I possibly could for him, no matter what.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. “My beautiful Bethany.”
I closed my eyes. Even if I didn’t agree with his words, especially next to his masculine perfection, they were wonderful to hear. My nose was a little too pointy, my face still round, full, and babyish even though I’d lost weight. I was too ski
I opened my eyes, blinking away my tears as I tried to focus on his beloved face. “Magnificent Cade.”
That striking grin was back. It was even more beautiful for the rarity with which it had existed in real life. “If you say so.”
“I know so.”
His hand stilled in my hair, he bent to kiss me again. “It’s almost time for me to go, but you must remember what I said. You can do this Bethany; you can succeed where others wouldn’t. You’re so much stronger than even you realize. I know your soul, your heart, and though you’re wounded now, you will one day bring the pieces back together.”
“The biggest piece will always be missing.” He studied me for a long moment. Though this was my dream, his anguish and longing seemed almost real. Almost palpable. Once again I was struck by the strange reality of this dream. His need for me, his hurt for me and everything we’d had and everything we’d lost, was there. I could feel it. His torment beat against me so fiercely that I felt I had to say something to try and ease it. “But I can put the rest of the puzzle together,” I tried to assure him.
He smiled wanly at me as he began to stroke my face again. “I love you Bethany.”
I buried myself against him, clinging to him as I pressed my face into his neck and cried freely. I had never said those words to him in life, it was something that I would always regret, but I said them now, and I said them repeatedly, and fervently. I hoped that somehow he would be able to hear them, that somewhere a piece of him still existed and could feel the genuine outpouring of my love for him.
He held me tight to him, rocking me gently as he kissed my neck and cheeks. “I must go.”
“Not yet,” I breathed. “Please just one minute more.”
But it was too late; I could already feel him slipping away from me. Already feel him drifting toward a place where I would never see him again. I was acutely aware of the fact that he would not be returning. Another sob wrenched from me, I struggled to retain my hold on him, but he was already gone beyond my reach. Forever.
***
“Bethany, come on Bethany, wake up.”
I struggled to break free from the realm of sleep clinging tightly to me. I didn’t want to wake up, I knew what awaited me there, but it was impossible to fight the inevitable. I opened my eyes to find Je
“Are you ok?” she asked softly.
I glanced quickly around but I didn’t see Bret or Lloyd. “Where are they?”
Je
“I’m fine.” I realized that was the first time I had said it and felt as if it might actually be true, or at least not a complete bold faced lie. Cade had been killed, I still lived, and there still was, and always would be, hope. I sat up straighter against the tree.
Je
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I inquired wearily.
Je