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“Bethany…”
“And then Cade touchedme Aiden.” I couldn’t stop now, once I had opened the bottle on the emotions I had been suppressing, I couldn’t stop them from pouring out of me. I seized hold of his hand, desperate for him to understand, desperate for him to see whyI was so broken. And maybe, just maybe, he could even forgive me for being so lost. I wanted him to know that I had not abandoned him, or Abby, that I did not wantto die but that I simply couldn’t breathe, or even beanymore because part of me was lost forever. A part of me had been killed with Cade.
“Then Cade pulled me into that antique store, and held me, and he kissed me…” I broke off, knowing this was not stuff Aiden wanted to hear. I swallowed heavily before continuing. “And everythingmade sense. I was whole for the first time in so long, whole in a way I never knew I could be. My indistinct feelings toward Bret, the strange emptiness inside of me, it all made sense because what I had been missing all along was Cade. With him it was so easy, so beautiful, and so absolute .Even my guilt, and lingering sorrow over surviving that car when dad didn’t, weren’t anywhere near as bad when he was holding me. With him everything was better, even with the world falling apart around us.
“It was trueAiden, you must believe that. You have to also believe that though I am empty without him, I will do everything I can to come back to you and Abby. I love you; I don’t want either of you to experience anymore pain. I’m broken, but I willsurvive and I will continue to keep on living. Please believe me when I tell you that I do nothave a death wish.”
Aiden’s eyes were filled with a sorrow that tore at me. There were tears in his eyes, tears I knew he would later shed for Cade and I. Tears that I was unable to shed for us. “I didn’t know Bethany.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could take this from you, I truly do. I’m your older brother, I should be protecting you. I should be the stronger one of the two of us, not you.”
I frowned at him, confused by his words. “But you arethe stronger one Aiden.”
“You saw dad die, and you never cried. You saw Cade die, and you never cried.” I winced at his words, shying away from the awful memories they aroused. “You arethe stronger one Bethany.”
I bit on my bottom lip as I shook my head. “No Aiden. That just makes me the colder one.”
The sadness in his eyes was almost more than I could bear. I embraced him tightly, knowing that I had to leave before I couldn’t. “I love you Bethy,” he said, cradling my head gently.
“I love you too Aiden. I’ll see you soon.”
“I know.”
CHAPTER 4
With just the four of us, we made pretty good time. If the terrain allowed, there were times we were able to jog for a couple of miles at a time before having to take a break. Lloyd would have been able to make even better time without us, but he never became irritated with our slower abilities. According to the GPS it was a little over twenty miles to the hospital. I wished that we could do it all in one day, but I knew eventually we would become tired, hungry, and more than likely come across some form of danger.
I still held out some small hope that we wouldn’t run into anything. The sooner this was over and done with, the happier I would be. Je
She settled onto the ground, panting slightly as she wiped the sweat from her brow. I still didn’t understand why she had insisted on coming with us in the first place, but I wasn’t going to push her. There were things I preferred to keep secret also. Maybe she had simply wanted to escape the warehouse, and the people, for a bit. I had a feeling it had more to do with wanting to stay near Bret, but she surprisingly hadn’t pursued that relationship as aggressively as I’d thought she would after our break up. Though I suspected she had stayed away because Bret was mistakenly convinced that we would still get back together again one day.
Bret handed Je
“We can’t move as fast at night.”
“We can’t move as fast in the heat either,” Lloyd informed me.
I frowned but nodded my agreement. He was right, it was September but the day was unseasonably warm. The heat would drain our energy, and our water, far faster than any of us wanted. I settled down against a tree and closed my eyes. I hadn’t slept much last night, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep now. Sleep was a lost commodity to me, one that I had given up on a long time ago. I had actually gotten quite good at dealing with the depravation, though I would have welcomed at least a couple of minutes of rest. Anymore time than that and the dreams would start. Dreams that, while comforting at the time, left me lost and broken and aching for something I couldn’t ever have again when I awoke.
I listened to the sounds of the birds and squirrels moving through the trees, reassured and lulled by their presence. I had learned in the begi
It was all so peaceful at the moment, it was nearly perfect. If only…
And then Cade was sitting beside me, his midnight hair falling over his hard, handsome features. His stu
Tears choked me. “Yes,” I agreed, unable to do anything else because it was so unbelievably true. I washis, I would alwaysbe his. “I’m dreaming again aren’t I?”
It had been awhile since he had haunted my dreams, awhile since I had dreamed even. I must have fallen asleep for far longer than I’d intended to. It was odd how very aware I was of these facts at this moment. This was a dream, he wasn’t real, it would all go away, but it was all so wonderfully perfect right now that I didn’t care.
“You are,” he confirmed.
“I miss you. So much.” My voice cracked on the words, his thumb gently wiped away the tear that slid free. “I’m broken without you.”
“You’re not broken Bethany, you’re just wounded. You’ve been here before, you will survive this too.”
“I know. I know I will. I just wish you were here. All the timeI wish you were here.”
He leaned forward; his lips were soft against my cheeks as he kissed my tears away. Those lips, those wondrously marvelous and warm lips were everything that I remembered as my heart hammered in eager anticipation. I felt the brush of them in every fiber of my being as warmth spread out from the point of contact. The heat seeped through my body, warming all of my frozen cells. “I wish I was here too.”