Brain Droppings

By the way, if you go to the beach while you’re visiting the sister, you’re go

Well, by the time you get home you’re pretty fed up with your stuff and all the problems it creates. And so about a week later, you clean out the closet, the attic, the basement, the garage, the storage locker, and all the other places you keep your stuff, and you get things down to manageable proportions. Just the right amount of stuff to lead a simple

GEORGE CARLIN and uncomplicated life. And that’s when the phone rings. It’s a lawyer. It seems your aunt has died .. . and left you all her stuff. Oh no! Now whaddya do? Right. You do the only thing you can do. The honorable thing. You tell the lawyer to stuff it.

Think of how much information, in the form of radio energy, there is flying through the air, all around us, all over the world, right now and all the time. AM, FM, UHF, VHF, shortwave radio, television, CB radio, walkie-talkies, cell phones, cordless phones, telephone satellites, microwave relays, faxes, pagers, taxi calls, police, sheriff, hospitals, fire departments, telemetry, navigation, radar, the military, government, Financial, legal, medical, the media, etc., etc., etc. Trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of separate little bits of electronic information flying all around the world through the air at all times. Think of that. Think of how busy the air is. Now realize this: A hundred years ago there was none. None. Silence. HEnTAl BRAIH TH0U6HTS

These are the things I think about when I’m sitting home alone and the power goes out:

If something in the future is canceled, what is canceled? What has really happened? Something that didn’t occur yet is now never going to occur at all. Does that qualify as an event? ;i

brain droppings

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There’s a place you’ve never seen, but for many years you’ve pictured it in your mind. Then you finally see it. After you leave, do you continue to picture it the old way?

Imagine a place called Moravia; a nonexistent country. See it in your mind. See a few details. OK, now Moravia ceases to exist. Is your picture of the original, nonexistent country different from what it looks like now that it ceases to exist? Why? They’re both nonexistent.

OK, picture Moravia again, the original way. Now Moravia is invaded by a neighboring country, Boronia. Picture Boronia. It’s completely different from Moravia. Different geography, different ethnic stock, beliefs, way of life, government, everything. See it? Anyway, Boronia invades Moravia and occupies it, and begins to make some changes. Now picture Moravia again. Does it look different? Isn’t that weird? It looks a little like Boronia.

Here’s another one. You’ve never been to your friend’s place of work, but you’ve pictured it. Then he changes jobs, but it’s a similar job. Do you bother to change your mental picture of where he works? By how much?

Or your friend works at one Wendy’s and gets transferred to a different Wendy’s. Do you picture a whole new Wendy’s? Or do you get lazy and say, “They’re all pretty much the same, so I’ll just go with the old one.”

If a radio station changes its call letters, moves its studio across town, hires all new disk jockeys, and changes the style of music it plays, but keeps the same frequency, is it still the same radio station? Suppose they change only the music?

On a given day, Flight 23 goes from New York to Los Angeles. The following month, Flight 23 goes from New York to Los Angeles again,

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droppings

IHE EVER WRDR THIS SEHTEHCE BEFORE in the Feast of St. Stephen, I was driving my hearse to the whole-iverwurst outlet when suddenly a hermaphrodite in a piano truck sd out of a crackhouse driveway, and, as my shoes caught fire, I letted across Boris Karloff Boulevard, slapping the truckdriver six > in the loins with a Chattanooga road map, even though he was ming “The Pussycat Song.” ?Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z 3eople say, “I’m going to sleep now,” as if it were nothing. But it’s y a bizarre activity. “For the next several hours, while the sun is ;, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command ? everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will me my life.” [f you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a nee fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your ids about the movie you’d seen. “They had these people, you know? And they would walk around lay and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they ild lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. y would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their ds they would have adventures and experiences that were comely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnera-to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift n one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got

too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.”

So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, “The creature is regenerating itself.” FUCK THE FARnER8

Can someone please tell me why farmers are always whining and looking for a handout? If it isn’t a drought or a flood, it’s their bad loans. I was always told farmers were strong, independent people who were too proud to accept help. But sure enough as soon as something goes wrong, they’re looking for the government to bail them out. And they’re the first ones to complain about city people who live on welfare. Fuck the farmers. They’re worrying about losing their land? It wasn’t their land to begin with, they stole it from the Indians. Let ‘em find out what it feels like to have your land taken away by some square-headed cocksucker who just came over on a boat. They wiped out the bears, the wolves, and the mountain lions; they spoiled the land, poisoned the water table, and they produce tasteless food. Why is it in this capitalist society all businesses are expected to succeed or fail on their own except farming? Why is that? SnOKE IF YA GOT ‘EH

Even though I don’t smoke, I’m not one of those fanatics you run into. In fact, I love watching cigarette smokers in their sad little sealed-off areas, sucking away, deep lines in their faces, precancerous lesions taking hold, the posture and body language of petty criminals. You know what you do with these people? Give ‘em free cigarettes. Let ‘em smoke. Offer them a light! And you hope each one of them

EORCE CARLIN ts a small, painful tumor right in the middle of his body so it can ow in six different directions at once. And you pray they get a doc-r who doesn’t believe in painkillers, and their insurance runs out. I ink people should be allowed to enjoy themselves. LAHE IT On THE BOSSA nOVA

They try to blame movies and TV for violence in this country, hat a load of shit. Long before there were movies and television, mericans killed millions of Indians, enslaved millions of blacks, aughtered 700,000 of each other in a family feud, and attained the ghest murder rate in history. Don’t blame Sylvester Stallone. We ?ought these horrifying genes with us from Europe, and then we ive them our own special twist. American know-how!