Wait for you

The only way I could truly move on was to confront what had happened, to do something I had been punished for doing in the first place.

It wasn’t the past that was coming between us.

It was the present.

Cam had been right.

Suddenly, I shot to my feet. I was moving before I knew what I was doing. It was when I stood in front of Cam’s apartment door that my heart leapt in my throat. It was probably too late for us, but if I told him—if I could explain myself—then that was a start. Either way, I owed it to Cam.

I owed it to myself.

I knocked and heard footsteps a few seconds later. The door swung open, revealing Cam. His eyes immediately closed and his mouth opened, and I knew he was going to tell me to leave.

“Can we talk?” I asked, voice cracking halfway through. “Please, Cam. I won’t take up much of your time. I just—”

Cam’s eyes flew open and then narrowed on me. “Are you okay, Avery?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Part of me wanted to turn and go back to my apartment, but I refused to allow myself to run. Not anymore. “I just need to talk to you.”

Taking a deep breath, he stepped aside. “Ollie’s not here.”

Relieved that he hadn’t shut the door in my face, I followed him into the living room. Cam picked up the remote, muting the TV as he sat on the couch. “What’s going on, Avery?” he asked, and his tone suggested that he didn’t expect me to answer truthfully, and that hurt.

It hurt because he had no reason to expect me to be upfront about anything.

I sat on the edge of the recliner, unsure of where to start. “Everything.” And that was all I could say at first. “Everything.”

Cam scooted forward, twisting the cap he wore backward. An adorable habit that said he was paying attention. “Avery, what’s going on?”

“I haven’t been honest with you and I’m sorry.” My lower lip started to tremble and I knew I was seconds from losing it. “I’m so sorry, and you probably don’t have time for—”

“I have time for you, Avery.” He met my gaze with a steady one. “You want to talk to me, I’m here. I’ve been here. And I’m listening.”

As he held my gaze, fight or flight kicked. Instinct. Run. Don’t deal with it. But Cam kept holding my gaze and something unlocked inside me. It wasn’t easy, but the words were tumbling up. I wouldn’t run.

Calmness settled over me and when I took a breath, it came out slowly. “When I was fourteen, I went to this party on Halloween,” I heard myself saying, sounding as if I were in a tu

I took another deep breath, my gaze dropping to my hands. “He was really popular. So was I.” A dry, humorless laugh came out. “That might not seem important, but it was. I never thought someone like him could do—could be like he was. And maybe that was stupid of me, like a fatal flaw or something. I don’t know.” I gave a little shake of my head as I looked up. “I was talking to him and I was drinking, but I wasn’t drunk. I swear to you, I wasn’t drunk.”

“I believe you, Avery.” Cam closed his eyes briefly as he steepled his fingers under his chin. “What happened?”

“We were flirting and it was fun. You know, I didn’t think anything of it. He was a good guy and he was a good-looking guy. At one point, he pulled me into his lap and someone took our picture. We were having fun.” I laughed again, another harsh sound. “When he got up and pulled me into one of the empty guest rooms that was on the ground floor, I didn’t think anything of it. We sat on the couch and talked for a little while. Then he put his arms around me.” I rubbed my hands together continuously, hoping to ease the knots forming in my stomach. “At first I didn’t mind, but he started doing things I didn’t want him to. I told him to stop and he laughed it off. I started crying and I tried to get away from him, but he was stronger than me, and once he got me on my stomach, I couldn’t do anything really, but to tell him to stop.”

Cam had gone very still. The only way I could tell he was breathing was because of the steady thrumming of the muscle along his jaw. “Did he stop?”

“He didn’t,” I said quietly. “He never stopped no matter what I did.”

A moment passed and Cam straightened. He looked like he wanted to stand but changed his mind. “He raped you?”

Closing my eyes, I nodded. Talking about it, it was almost like I could feel Blaine’s hands. “I am still a virgin.” I forced my eyes open. “He didn’t touch me there.  That’s not how he… raped me.”

Cam stared at me, and I saw the moment he understood. Comprehension flared in his eyes. His hands closed into fists in his lap. The muscle is jaw sped up. “Son of a bitch,” he said, lips thin. “You were fourteenand he did thatto you?”

“Yeah.” The knots in my stomach grew.

Another moment passed and Cam thrust his hand through his hair. “Shit. Avery. I suspected something. I thought that something like that might have happened to you.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist. “You did?”

He nodded. “It was the way you acted sometimes. How jumpy you could be, but I’d just hoped it didn’t go that far. And when you told me you were still a virgin, I thought that was the case.”

That was an understandable assumption.

“Avery, I’m so, so sorry. You should have never had to go through something like that, especially at that age…” His jaw clenched down and he looked like he was going to stand again but stopped. “Please tell me that mother fucker is in jail for this.”

“He is now.” I focused on the muted TV. “It’s a long story.”

“I have time.” When I didn’t say anything, his spoke again and his voice sounded strained. “What else, Avery? Please talk to me, because I’m seconds away from booking a flight to Texas and killing a mother fucker.”

I rocked back, pulling my knees to my chest. Knowing that I owed him everything, I took another deep breath. “After he stopped, I really don’t think he had a clue that he’d done anything wrong. He just left me there on this couch and when I could get up, I knew I needed to tell someone. I knew I needed to go to the hospital. I was in so much…” I squeezed my eyes shut as a shudder rocked through me. The following minutes after Blaine had left me had been as horrifying as the attacked. “I couldn’t find my friends, but I found my purse, and I ended up walking out of the house and I kept walking until I remembered I had my phone with me. I called 911.”

Unable to sit any longer, I dropped my feet to the floor and stood. “I ended up at the hospital and they did an exam. The police showed up and I told them what happened and it was the truth.”

“Of course it was the truth,” he said, his gaze following me.

“By the time the police left the hospital, the party was over, but Blaine was at his house. They arrested him and took him in. I went home and I stayed out of school for the next two days, but everyone found out that he’d been arrested for what he’d done.”  I stopped in front of the TV. “And then his parents showed up.”

“What do you mean?”

I started pacing again. “His parents and mine were— are—country club buddies. My parents and his—all they every cared about was image. My mom and dad have more money than they could ever want, but…” A thickness coated my throat and my vision blurred. “The Fitzgeralds offered my parents a deal. That if I dropped the charges and remained quiet about what happened, they would pay me and them an ungodly sum of money.”

Cam’s nostrils flared. “And your parents told them to go fuck themselves, right?”

I laughed, but it came out more of a sob. “They showed my parents the picture that was taken of Blaine and me at the party and they said that if this went to court, no one would believe the girl in the ‘slutty costume sitting in his lap.’ And my parents, they didn’t want to deal with the scandal. They rather it all go away, so they agreed.”