Wait for you

Not satisfied, I grabbed another bottle and threw it harder. That one hit the wall, cracking the plaster. There went my security deposit.

I didn’t care.

Anger rose around me like a hot steam. I whirled, pulling the comforter and sheets off the bed.

Then I attacked my closet.

I hated the boring sweaters, the turtlenecks, the cardigans, and the ill-fitting shirts. I hated everything, but most of all, I hated myself for doing this. Crying out, I yanked them down. Hangers rocked and fell to the floor. Tears blurred my eyes as I turned, seeking something else to destroy, but there really wasn’t anything. No pictures to throw. No paintings to rip from the walls. There was nothing. I was so pissed—pissed at myself.

Moving to the hallway, I leaned against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut. Breathing heavily, I kicked my head back and bit back a scream.

The silence was killingme.

And that’s all there ever was. Silence. It was all I knew. Keep quiet. Pretend nothing had happened, that nothing was wrong. And look how well that was turning out.

I slid down the wall and opened my eyes. They were as dry as I felt on the inside, brittle.

Who did I have to blame for that? Blaine? His parents? Mine? Did it matter? Never once did I stand up to my parents and tell them what I thought. I just shut up and took it—took it until I could run away.

Problem was, ru

And then, like fucking clockwork, I heard my phone ring from the living room.

Shoving to my feet, I stalked out there, the back of my skull tingling as I saw UNKNOWN CALLER flash across the screen. I grabbed the phone and pressed the answer button.

“What?” I said, my voice shaking.

Nothing. More fucking silence.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” I demanded. “What? You have nothing to say? You’ve only been calling and texting for nine months? I’d think you’d have a shit ton to say.”

There was another pregnant pause and then, “I can’t believe you answered.”

My eyes widened. Holy shit, the voice belonged to a girl. The person who was calling me and most likely emailing me was a girl.

A girl.

Who knows what I expected, but I sure as hell didn’t expect a girl.

I could only say one word. “Why?”

“Why?” The girl coughed out a dry laugh. “You have no idea who you’re talking to, do you? You didn’t even read a single email I sent you? Not one?”

She was questioning me? “Well, when I saw the content in a couple of them, I decided to not torture myself.”

“I’ve been emailing you sinceJune, trying to talk to you. There was nothing wrong with the first couple of emails I sent you. If you just read one of them, you would’ve seen that. Then again, why should I even believe that you didn’t read them since you have such an infamous background of telling the truth.”

Plopping down, I frowned. “ Whoare you?”

“God, this is fucking unbelievable. My name is Molly Simmons.”

My eyes widened. “Molly?”

“You sound like you recognize my name. I guess you did read the emails.”

“No—my cousin told me about you.” I was on my feet again, pacing. “I didn’t read your emails. I’m not lying about that.”

“Well, that would be the first time you told the truth if that’s the case,” she said, and I heard a door slam.

I didn’t know what to say. Shell-shocked—I was absolutely dumbfounded. “I don’t know… God, I’m so sorry for what you—”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” she cut in, her voice razor sharp. “I’m sorry means absolutely fucking nothing to me.”

My mouth hung open as I shook my head, which was stupid, because it wasn’t like she could see any of that.

“You’re a fucking lying whore. Because of you—”

“Hey! Seriously. You’re calling me a whore? You have to see how messed up that is.” My hand tightened around the phone. “Honestly, every single disgusting message you have sent me is messed up. And I don’t even understand why you’d do this.”

“Why?” Her voice turned shrill. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes!”

There was an audible breath. “Tell me on thing. What was true? What you told the police or what Blaine told every one?”

I sucked in a breath.

“Which is it, Avery? Because if it was true, why did you drop the charges knowing what he was capable of? Because you had to know that there was something wrong with him and that he’d do it again.”

My shoulders caved in and I whispered, “You don’t understand.”

“Oh, I understand completely. Either way, you’re a liar.” Molly’s breath crackled over the phone. “Do you know why I wanted to get in contact with you? Because I needed to talk to someone who’d been through what I had been through and I thought—” Her voice cracked. “It doesn’t matter what I thought or why I did. You didn’t even take the time to read a single, fucking email. The least you could do is to tell me the truth.”

I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on my palm. My head was still spi

Then again, would that really have changed anything? Would I have opened them and reached out to her? Legal aspects of the non-disclosure aside, would I?

I’d be lying if I said I thought I would.

“Are you there?” Molly demanded.

“Yes.” I cleared my throat, lifting my head. The ball in my chest unraveled a little. “I didn’t lie.”

“So it was true?” Her voice sounded closer to the phone. “And you dropped the charges.”

My body tensed like a coiled rope. “Yes, but you—”

“Why would you do that?” Her voice was raw. “How could you? How could stay silent this long?”

“I—”

“You’re a coward. You cling to your silence because you’re a coward! You’re still the same scared, fourteen year old girl pretending to be over it years later!” she shouted, and my ear popped. “This happened to me because you didn’t tell the truth. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but that’s the truth. And we both know it.”

Molly hung on me.

I sat there, staring at my phone. Anger still boiled inside me, but some of what she had said had sunken through the red haze and it made sense.

“You cling to your silence because you’re a coward! You’re still the same scared, fourteen year old girl pretending to be over it years later!”

She was right.

God, she was so right. All these years and I had never uttered the words since that night. I was too scared to tell anyone, to even tell Cam. And that was why he’d walked out of here, because he had also been right. I hadn’t let go of the past and there was no future unless I did so. All I’d been doing this entire time was pretending—pretending to be okay, to be completely happy, to be a survivor.

And I wasn’t a survivor. For too many years, I’d been nothing more than a victim on the road.

Molly didn’t know the whole story. Probably wouldn’t change anything if she did, but survivingand being a survivorwere two different things. That’s what I’d been doing this whole time. Just surviving, waiting for the day when what Blaine had done to me would not tarnish everything that was good in my life.

I dropped my head into my hands. Tears welled up in my eyes.

Instead, there were things I could’ve done differently. I couldn’t change what had happened to me, but I could’ve changed the way I reacted, especially now when I was so far away from those who had hindered any attempts to overcome it. But to be honest, it was more than that. It had always been more than Blaine. It had been my parents—it had been me.