Secrets Of The Jedi

"Somehow I doubt that," Qui-Gon said.

They personally escorted Taly to the meeting with the Senate committee. They watched him walk inside. He hid his nervousness well.

"I hope he tells everything he knows," Adi said.

With a glance at Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon said, "No one tells everything they know."

Back at the Temple, the Jedi split up to return to their quarters to rest. Qui-Gon beckoned to Obi-Wan.

"Let's take a walk," he said. He saw the puzzlement on Obi-Wan's face. A walk after a hard mission and no sleep for three days? Obi-Wan's exhaustion was evident, but he turned without a word and fell into step beside Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon led him to the Room of the Thousand Fountains, the place where they had always had their most significant talks. The cooling spray revived them as they walked silently along the twisting paths.

"A hard mission for you," he said. "You must have thought the worst when you were aboard that ship."

"We did not expect to survive," Obi-Wan admitted.

"And how did that make you feel?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "It made me feel many things. Fear, of course. And regret."

"Regret?"

"Regret for things not yet done," Obi-Wan said. "Regret for not recognizing earlier… not being able to have…" He struggled and fell silent.

"Siri," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan stopped. "You know?"

"I saw it between you." Qui-Gon began to walk again, and Obi-Wan moved next to him. "It happens sometimes, between Padawans. Especially during extreme situations — "

Obi-Wan stopped again, and Qui-Gon saw that he was angry.

"Don't," the apprentice said. "I realize what I am about to hear from you. But don't diminish it."

He spoke like a man. He is a man, you fool, Qui-Gon told himself. And he is right. Who are you to reduce his love?

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. "Come, let's keep walking. So, you know what I'm going to say, do you?"

"That attachment is forbidden. That I have chosen this path, and I must walk it. That there is no place for such personal commitment in the Jedi Order. That each of us must be free of personal attachment or we ca

"You say these things as if they have no meaning."

"Sometimes everything falls away when you realize that you love."

And what could Qui-Gon respond to that except to say I know?

"We have been together for many years, Padawan," Qui-Gon said instead. "I think we have earned each other's trust and respect. It wounds me that you don't want my advice on such an important matter."

There was a struggle on Obi-Wan's face. "I don't want your advice because it will break my heart not to follow it," he said finally.

"So you will not ask for it."

"Of course I want to hear what you think, Master," Obi-Wan said finally. "I don't want to wound you. Yet it seems inevitable that someone will get hurt."

"Ah," Qui-Gon said. "And there is your first lesson on why love is forbidden between the Jedi."

Obi-Wan said nothing. There was just the whisper of footsteps and the soft calming splash of the fountains.

"I advise you to give her up," Qui-Gon said as gently as he could. "This is based not so much on the rules of the Jedi, but from what I know of you. Of both of you. Obi-Wan, you are a gifted Jedi. The path is one that is ingrained on your heart. On your character. If you give it up, something in you would die. I feel the same about Siri."

"But I won't give up the Jedi," Obi-Wan insisted. "The Order could change its rules."

"Know this, Padawan," Qui-Gon said. "The Jedi Council will not change the rules."

"But — "

"They will not change the precepts. Not unless the whole galaxy changes, the whole Order changes, not unless an upheaval happens that changes everything. Then, perhaps, the rules will change. But with this Jedi Council? No. Make your choice. But do it with your eyes open."

"You are asking me to tear my heart in two."

"Yes," Qui-Gon said wearily. "I am. My advice is based on this — I feel that for both you and Siri, the heartbreak of losing each other will lessen over time. You will not forget it, it will be a part of you forever, but it will lessen.

Whereas if you leave the Jedi Order, that regret will never lessen. It will always be between you and part of you. Between the two, losing each other — something that seems so terrible, so painful — will be, in the end, easier to bear."

"I can't do it." Obi-Wan looked at Qui-Gon, his gaze tortured. "Don't make me do it."

"I can't make you do anything, my Padawan. You must choose. You must talk to Yoda."

Obi-Wan looked startled. "Yoda?"

"I contacted him about this. I had to. He will keep it to himself. He has always been, next to me, your closest advisor, Obi-Wan. He is seeing you, not as a member of the Council, but as your advisor and friend. And if you ca

They turned a corner, and Yoda sat waiting, leaning on his stick, in the middle of the path.

At the sight of him something inside Obi-Wan seemed to break. Qui-Gon saw it. Yoda did not have to say a word. Yet within this small creature was all the nobility and wisdom that Obi-Wan aspired to. Here was the best that the Jedi path could lead to.

"Sacrifice, the Jedi Order demands," Yoda said. "No reward for you in it, either, Obi-Wan. Support you, we will. Change the rules for you, we will not."

Obi-Wan sank heavily down on a bench. He put his face in his hands. Qui-Gon saw his shoulders shake.

He did not think it was possible for his heart to break any more than it was broken already. Yet this must be it, the worst thing for him to have to bear. To give to the boy he loved like a son the same pain he felt. To hand it over, knowing what it would do to his heart.

It took a long time for Obi-Wan to regain mastery over himself. Qui-Gon and Yoda waited silently. At last Obi-Wan raised his face to them both. "What about you?" he said quietly to Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon started. He knew, of course, what Obi-Wan was referring to. Tahl. He did not expect to be challenged about it. He did not expect to have to talk about it.