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"Hang on," Marit said. "We're not an army."
"Sure we are," Rolai said. "If we act like it, we'd better have the stuff to back it up. Things would have gone a lot better on Tierell if we'd had the firepower — "
"Or a lot worse," Marit shot back.
"Not this again," Rolai said, rolling his eyes. "Six blasters for six members is the bare minimum. If we'd had a flechette launcher — "
"You're right, Rolai," Marit said. "We've gone over this too many times. Let's just be glad the mission was a success. Now we'd better get back to our rooms."
Anakin hung back as the others slipped out the door. He closed it behind them and turned to face Marit.
"We'd better get going," she said. "Lights out will be soon — "
"What was that about?" Anakin asked.
"What?" Marit said evasively.
"He said six blasters," Anakin said.
"What?"
"He said you had six blasters for six members. But there are only five."
"Six, counting you."
"But I wasn't on the mission to Tierell."
Marit shrugged. "Rolai meant now, not then. Six blasters for six members."
Anakin let it pass. "Tell me about Tierell."
Marit turned away. "I don't want to tell you about Tierell."
"Something's bothering you about it," Anakin said. "Maybe if you tell me, I can help."
"I don't need help," Marit snapped.
"Okay," Anakin said. "Then let's say I deserve to know. I'm putting my life on the line, too, you know."
Marit's brown eyes studied him. He knew the moment she decided to trust him. It only took a few seconds. He was begi
We could barely handle it. And… in the confusion, the leader of Tierell was killed."
"Who did it?" Anakin asked.
Marit hesitated. Then she took a deep breath. "I did."
Slowly, she sank back down to a crouching position on the floor. Her hands dangled between her knees. "I've gone over it and over it, and I still don't know why or how it happened. The success of the mission depended on it. The freedom of the beings of Tierell depended on it. Maybe my friends' lives depended on it. Maybe mine. In other words…" Marit shrugged. "Everything depended on it. But I can't stop thinking…"
"That it could have gone another way." Anakin knew that feeling. He, too, had taken a life. More than one. He didn't like to think about it.
Those experiences were locked in a place in his mind where he did not go.
He crouched down in front of her. "If everything depended on it, you did the right thing. If you can't make yourself believe that, you'll drive yourself crazy."
She looked into his face searchingly. "You seem to know how I feel."
"I do," Anakin said. He stood and held out his hand. She took it and he helped bring her to her feet.
"You see?" he said. "Everybody needs help sometime."
* * *
"I think she lied about the blasters, but I don't know why," Anakin told Obi-Wan in their next communication.
"Do you think Gillam was once part of the squad?"
"That doesn't make sense. He's not a scholarship student. But something is up, I can feel it. Something with Rolai isn't right. Maybe he knows something. He's in charge of security, and also the treasury. None of the others seem to care about how he handles it. Maybe… I don't know, maybe he decided to raise money by kidnapping Gillam and holding him for ransom, but he didn't tell the others."
"Maybe," Obi-Wan said doubtfully. He sounded distracted, as though he weren't really listening to Anakin. "But Tarturi hasn't received a ransom demand."
"Yet. I'm not sure what to think," Anakin confessed. "I can't imagine the group kidnapping Gillam. They're all pretty dedicated. Marit has an incredible grasp of galactic politics. She knows what's being debated in the Senate right down to the subcommittee hearings. And she always comes in on the right side."
"And how do you know it's the right side?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice dry. "Because you agree with it?"
"Because they are against violence and oppression," Anakin said.
"They're like the Jedi."
"Yet they are operating against school rules," Obi-Wan pointed out.
"If you are willing to violate trust, you ca
"The school doesn't deserve their trust. It let them down."
"Nonetheless, they are attending the school and agreed to abide by its rules," Obi-Wan said. "I can understand the attraction they have for you, Anakin, but I fear you are getting too involved. You must be a Jedi at all times. You must constantly strive for i
"What purpose could they mask?"
"That is your job to find out. Do not forget that you are trying to find a missing boy. Anakin, the fact that you are a Jedi is what will keep you steady always. That is something to hold on to. If you know your first loyalty, the rest falls into place. Do you understand?"
"I do, Master. Have you made progress in the Senate?"
Obi-Wan sighed. "Yes and no. Nothing to report yet. I'm sure there is a co
"Rana Halion?"
"Ruler of leria. The leader of the countermovement in that system. I think she might have something to do with Gillam's disappearance. Keep me informed if you learn anything more, Padawan."
"Yes, Master." Anakin frowned as Obi-Wan cut the communication. His Master had not been very forthcoming with information. And he did not seem interested in the secret squad. Anakin had the feeling that Obi-Wan didn't think they were involved in Gillam's disappearance.
But Anakin felt differently. And here, he could follow his own rules.
All his life, he had known only two ways to live: as a slave, or as a Jedi. As a young boy on Tatooine he had looked to the Jedi as the most free beings in the galaxy. Even before he knew much about them, he had dreamed of being a Jedi.