Over My Dead Body

"I like money, and I use a lot of it. Would it be your money, Mr Faber?"

"It would be yours after it was paid to you "

"Quite right. What would I have to do to earn it?"

"I don't know. It is an affair of urgency and it demands great discretion. That inspector of police who was here-can you satisfy me that you are not a secret agent of the police?"

"I couldn't say. I don't know how hard you are to satisfy. I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't. Before I went to a lot of trouble to establish my good faith, I would need satisfaction on a few points myself. Your own position and intentions, for instance. Is your interest a personal one in Miss Tormic, or is it-somewhat broader? And does it coincide with hers? It is at least, I suppose, not hostile to her, or you wouldn't have established that alibi for her when she was threatened with a charge of murder. But exactly what is it?"

Rudolph Faber looked at me, with his thin lips thi

I started to deride him with a grin, knowing the reception that kind of suggestion always got, no matter who made it; but the grin froze on my face with amazement when I heard Wolfe saying calmly, "Certainly, sir. Archie, leave us, please "

I was so damn flabbergasted and boiling I got up to go without a word. I guess I staggered. But when I was nearly to the door Wolfe's voice from behind stopped me:

"By the way, we promised to phone Mr Green. You might do so from Mr Bre

So that was it. I might have known it. I said, "Yes, sir," and went on out, closing the door behind me, and proceeded three paces towards the kitchen. Where I stopped there was hanging on the left wall, the one that separated the hall from the office, an old brown wood carving, a panel in three sections. The two side sections were hinged to the middle one. I swung the right section around, stooped a little-for it had been constructed at the level of Wolfe's eyes-and looked through the peephole, camouflaged on the other side by a painting with the two little apertures backed by gauze, into the office. I could see them both, Faber's profile and Wolfe's full, and I mean full, face. Also I could hear their words, by straining a little, but it was obvious that they were both going on with the sparring with no prospect of getting anywhere, so I went to the kitchen. Fritz was there in his socked feet reading a newspaper, with his slippers beside him on another chair in case of summons. He looked up and nodded.

"Milk, Archie?"

"No. Keep it low. The hole's uncovered. Tricks "

"Ah!" His eyes gleamed. He loved conspiracies and sinister things. "Good case?"

"Case hell. The second World War. It started this afternoon up on 48th Street. We'd better not talk "

I sat on the edge of the table for two minutes by my watch and then went to the house phone on the wall and buzzed the office. Wolfe answered.

"Well?"

"Mr Goodwin speaking. Green says he has got to talk with you "

"I'm busy "

"I told him that. He said what the hell."

"You can give him the programme as well as I can, and the reports we got yesterday-"

"I told him that too. He says he wants to hear it from you I'll switch him on to your line."

"No, no, don't do that. Confound him anyway. You know I'm not alone-and that's a confidential-tell him to hold the wire. He's an unspeakable nuisance. I'll come there and take it "

"Okay."

I hung up and tiptoed back to the wood carving in the hall. In a moment the office door opened and Wolfe came out and shut the door. He got to me fast, whispered to me, "Quick on the signal," and glued his eyes to the peephole.

And I nearly missed co

He didn't say a word and neither did I. I finished going through the file and started on another one, and was prepared to continue with that indefinitely, but it wasn't necessary. I was half-way through the second one when noises filtered in through the door to the hall, and pretty soon the door opened and I looked up and got another shock. Nero Wolfe was there, in overcoat, muffler, hat and gloves, with his applewood stick in his hand. I gawked at him.

"I'm sorry," he told Faber. "I must go out on business. If you want to go on with this, come to-morrow between eleven and one, or two and four, or six and eight. Those are my hours. Archie, we'll take the sedan. If you please. Fritz! Fritz, if you will help Mr Faber with his coat. "

This time Faber's heels did click. I suppose they're more apt to when you're upset. He went, without having committed himself on the question of going on with it to-morrow.

When Fritz came back in Wolfe said, "Here, take these, please," and handed him stick, hat, gloves, muffler and overcoat. "Two bottles of beer " Hearing that, I put the files away in the drawer and went to the kitchen and got a glass of milk. When I returned to the office he was back at his desk, leaning back with his eyes closed. I sat and sipped the milk until the arrival of the beer made him straighten up, and then said:

"Genius again. He was going for United Yugoslavia "

Wolfe nodded. "He had his fingers on it when you opened the door "

"Lucky guess "

"Not a guess, an experiment. He was stalling. He wasn't saying anything and had no intention of saying anything. But he wanted you out of the room. Why?"

"Sure. Very good. But how did he figure on getting you out of the room too?"

"I don't know." Wolfe emptied the glass. "I don't manage his mind for him, thank God. I did go out, didn't I?"

"Yeah. Okay. So, did one of the Balkans send him to get that paper, or has he got Miss Tormic in his power because he's her alibi on the murder, or did he-by jiminy!" I slapped my thigh. "I've got it! He's Prince Donevitch!"

"Don't be amusing. I'm in no humour for it "

"I realize you're not " I sipped some more milk. "Where do we stand, anyway? Are we on a case or not? If so, what kind of a case?"

"I don't know. I don't like it I don't like that paper. I don't like having that thing in the refrigerator disguised as a cake. We'll either have to find out who used it or turn it over to Mr Cramer, and neither prospect is pleasing. And I have a responsibilty. I adopted that girl "

"You don't even know whether it's her or not "

"I intend to find out. I sent you back to bring her here. You didn't do it "

"Well, boil my bones!" I glared at him. "Am I to infer that you insinuate that I should have lugged her along when I sneaked through the basement and fell over the fence and so forth? No. You're being aggravating, and God knows you're good at it Do you want me to get her right now?"

"Yes "

I gaped. "You do?"

"Yes "

I looked at him. He wasn't stringing me; he meant it And not one red cent involved. It was at that moment that I decided never under any circumstances to adopt a daughter. Without another word I finished the milk and got up, and the next minute would have been gone if the phone hadn't rung.

I sat down and took it. "Office of Nero Wolfe. Archie Goodwin speaking."