Can You Keep A Secret?

pink velvety rose petal. 'It is a shame, though…'

'Send what back?' comes a sharp voice behind me. 'You are joking, aren't you?'

Oh, for God's sake. Now Jemima has arrived in the street, still in her white dressing gown.

'You're not sending those back!' she cries. 'I'm giving a di

be perfect.' She' grabs the label. 'Smythe and Foxe! Do you know how much these must have

cost?'

'I don't care how much they cost!' I exclaim. 'They're from Jack! I can't possibly keep them.'

'Why not?'

She is unbelievable.

'Because… because it's a matter of principle. If I keep them, I'm basically saying, "I forgive

you." '

'Not necessarily,' retorts Jemima. 'You could be saying "I don't forgive you." Or you could be

saying "I can't be bothered to return your stupid flowers, that's how little you mean to me."'

There's silence as we all consider this.

The thing is, they are pretty amazing flowers.

'So do you want them or not?' says the delivery guy.

'I…' Oh God, now I'm all confused.

'Emma, if you send them back you look weak,' says Jemima firmly. 'You look like you can't

bear to have any reminder of him in the house. But if you keep them, then you're saying, "I

don't care about you!" You're standing firm! You're being strong. You're being-'

'Oh, God, OK!' I say, and grab the pen from the delivery guy. 'I'll sign for them. But could

you please tell him that this does not mean I forgive him, nor that he isn't a cynical, heartless,

despicable user and furthermore, if Jemima wasn't having a di

straight in the bin.' As I finish signing I'm red-faced and breathing hard, and I stamp a full

stop so hard it tears the page. 'Can you remember all that?'

The delivery guy looks at me blankly.

'Love, I just work at the depot.'

'I know!' says Lissy suddenly. She grabs the clipboard back and prints WITHOUT PREJUDICE

clearly under my name.

'What does that mean?' I say.

'It means "I'll never forgive you, you complete bastard… but I'll keep the flowers anyway."'

'And you're still going to get even,' adds Jemima determinedly.

It's one of those amazingly bright, crisp mornings that make you feel that London really is the

best city in the world. As I'm walking from the tube station to work, my spirits can't help

rising a little.

Maybe Lissy's right. Maybe everyone at work will already have forgotten about the whole

thing. I mean, let's get a bit of proportion here. It wasn't that big a deal. It wasn't that

interesting. Surely some other piece of gossip will have come along in the meantime. Surely

everyone will be talking about… the football. Or politics or something. Exactly.

I push open the glass door to the foyer with a small spurt of optimism, and walk in, my head

held high.

'… a Barbie bedspread!' I immediately hear from across the marble. A guy from Accounts is

talking to a woman with a 'Visitor' badge, who is listening avidly.

'… shagging Jack Harper all along?' comes a voice from above me, and I look up to see a

group of girls walking up the stairs.

'It's Co

'… pretended she loved jazz,' someone else is saying as they get out of the lift. 'I mean, why

on earth would you do that?'

OK. So… they haven't forgotten.

All my crisp optimism dies away, and for an instant I consider ru

rest of my life under the duvet.

But I can't do that.

For a start, I'd probably get bored after about a week.

And secondly… I have to face them. I have to do this.

Clenching my fists at my sides, I slowly make my way up the stairs and along the corridor.

Everyone I pass either blatantly stares at me, or pretends they're not looking when they are,

and at least five conversations are hastily broken off as I approach.

As I reach the door to the marketing department, I take a deep breath, then walk in, trying to

look as unconcerned as possible.

'Hi everyone,' I say, taking off my jacket and hanging it on my chair.

'Emma!' exclaims Artemis in tones of sarcastic delight.'Well I never!'

'Good morning, Emma,' says Paul, coming out of his office and giving me an appraising look.

'You OK?'

'Fine, thanks.'

'Anything you'd like to… talk about?' To my surprise he looks as if he genuinely means it.

But honestly. What does he think? That I'm going to go in there and sob on his shoulder, 'That

bastard Jack Harper used me'?

I'll only do that if I get really, really desperate.

'No,' I say, my face prickling. 'Thanks, but I'm OK.'

'Good.' He pauses, then adopts a more businesslike tone. 'Now, I'm assuming that when you

disappeared yesterday, it was because you'd decided to work from home.'

'Er… yes.' I clear my throat. 'That's right.'

'No doubt you got lots of useful tasks done?'

'Er… yes. Loads.'

'Excellent. Just what I thought. All right, then, carry on. And the rest of you.' Paul looks

around the office warningly. 'Remember what I said.'

'Of course,' says Artemis at once. 'We all remember!'

Paul disappears into his office again, and I stare rigidly at my computer as it warms up. It'll be

fine, I tell myself. I'll just concentrate on my work, completely immerse myself…

Suddenly I become aware that someone's humming a tune, quite loudly. It's something I

recognize. It's…

It's the Carpenters.

And now a few others around the room are joining in on the chorus.

'Close to yoooou…'

'All right, Emma?' says Nick, as my head jerks up suspiciously. 'D'you want a hanky?'

'Close to yoooou…' everybody trills in unison again, and I hear muffled laughter.

I'm not going to react. I'm not going to give them the pleasure.

As calmly as possible I click onto my emails, and give a small gasp of shock. I normally get

about ten emails every morning, if that. Today I have ninety-five.

Dad: I'd really like to talk…

Carol: I've already got two more people for our Barbie Club!

Moira: I know where you can get really comfy G-strings…

Sharon: So how long has this been going on?!!

Fiona: Re: the body awareness workshop…

I scroll down the endless list and suddenly feel a stabbing in my heart.

There are three from Jack.

What should I do?

Should I read them?

My hand hovers uncertainly over my mouse. Does he deserve at least a chance to explain?

'Oh Emma,' says Artemis i

jumper I wondered if you'd like. It's a bit too small for me, but it's very nice. And it should fit

you, because -' she pauses, and catches Caroline's eye — 'it's a size eight.'

Immediately both of them erupt into hysterical giggles.

'Thanks, Artemis,' I say shortly. 'That's really sweet of you.'

'I'm off for a coffee,' says Fergus, standing up. 'Anybody want anything?'

'Make mine a Harvey's Bristol Cream,' says Nick brightly.

'Ha ha,' I mutter under my breath.

'Oh Emma, I meant to say,' Nick adds, sauntering over to my desk. 'That new secretary in

Admin. Have you seen her? She's quite something, isn't she?'

He winks at me and I stare at him blankly for a moment, not understanding.

'Nice spiky haircut,' he adds. 'Nice dungarees.'

'Shut up!' I cry furiously, my face flaming red. 'I'm not a… I'm not… Just fuck off, all of

you!'

My hand trembling with anger, I swiftly delete each and every one of Jack's emails. He

doesn't deserve anything. No chance. Nothing.

I rise to my feet and stride out of the room, breathing hard. I head for the ladies' room, slam