The Beach

Everyone knew I did things for Sal. Everyone talked about it. They just didn't talk about it in front of me.

Etie

Except now, suddenly, not forgotten on a beach after all. Deliberately avoided to provide me with a discreet window of opportunity. A space for me to do the things I do for Sal.

God knows what those weeks since the food poisoning had been like for Etie

Ultimately, I've only got one reliable touchstone to his experience. The scene that followed Karl ru

'Etie

He didn't seem to reply for a long time. 'You mean… the camp?'

'I mean home.'

'…Not the camp?'

'Not the camp.'

'Not…'

'Leaving the beach. France for you and Francoise, England for me.'

I turned to face him, and was immediately hit by a second rush of sickness. It was the expression on his face, hiding his hope so badly. 'It's all right,' I murmured and reached out, intending to pat his shoulder for reassurance. But as soon as I moved, he recoiled.

'Don't worry,' I said. 'Everything will be OK. We're going to leave tonight.'

Efforts

I was a fool. I was kidding myself. As the idea of leaving had come into my head, another idea had sneaked inside with it. That maybe this was the way it could all end up. Not in some VC dope-guard attack and a panic-stricken evacuation from the clearing, but with a simple demobilization of forces. After all, this was the way Vietnam had ended for a lot of US soldiers. Most US soldiers. Statistics were on my side, I'd have played by Mister Duck's rules, and I'd be out in one piece.

I could not have been more wrong, but that was the way I was thinking. Full of hasty schemes and plans, and the fucked-up optimism that comes from desperation.

I wasn't bothered by the practicalities of leaving. It would have been easier if Karl hadn't taken the boat, but we still had the raft. If that was gone, we'd swim. We were all much fitter than we had been and I had no doubts we could do it again. So with transportation out of the way, the only other complication was food and water. But water could be solved with water bottles and catching fish was our speciality. All in all, the practicalities weren't worth more than passing consideration. I had much more serious things on my mind, like who we'd take with us.

Francoise was the first to sort out. She was standing two boulders over from mine, one hand loosely resting on her thigh and the other pressed to her lips. Etie

Their conversation became increasingly animated. Intense enough for me to start worrying that Gregorio would notice there was some kind of problem. He was in the water, closer to me than them, diving with Keaty. But just as I began to contemplate ways I might distract Greg's attention, the exchange abruptly ended. Francoise looked over at me with wide eyes. Etie

It was a big relief. I'd been completely unable to predict how she'd react, and worryingly, so had Etie

But however close the Francoise call was, it was a lot more straightforward than the other two names on our list: Jed and Keaty. Or my list, I should say, because Etie

The nightmares I couldn't avoid were Gregorio, Ella, Unhygienix, Jesse and Cassie. Even if they agreed to come—which they wouldn't – and we managed to keep it secret from Sal – which would be impossible – we'd never all fit on the raft. So they had to be left behind. And I accepted that without any internal debate. It was irrelevant how it made me feel.

Soon after Etie

'Maybe,' she replied after a pause. 'I understand that Etie

'He's right to be frightened of her.'

'Is he?'

'Yes.'

'But I do not think that is why you are leaving… For you, there is something else.'

'…Something else?'

'You would not leave if it was only because Etie

'I would. I am.'

'No.' She shook her head. 'Will you tell me why you want to leave?'

'It's just like Etie

'Richard. I am asking you. Please tell me why.'

'There's nothing to tell. I think if we stay that Etie

'You do not think it can get better after Tet? Everyone says life will be better after Tet. You do not think, maybe we should stay? We can wait for a few more days and then, if you are still afraid…'

'Tet will change nothing, Francoise. Life will only get worse.'

'Worse… Worse than we have had.'

'Yes'

'But you will not tell me why.'

'…I don't know how I could.'

'But you are sure.'

'Yes. I'm sure.'

She slipped back into the water. 'We will never be able to come back,' she said, just before her head submerged, and sighed. 'So sad…'

'Perhaps,' I replied to the stream of bubbles she left behind on the surface. 'If there was anything to come back to.'

Ten minutes later, Gregorio held up his fishing spear. A milkfish flapped on its point, sliding itself further down the shaft with its efforts to get free, the last fish needed for the extra quota.

Francoise, Etie

'Hang on,' I'd said, when the others had set off. 'I want to show you something.'

He'd frowned. 'We've got to get the catch back.'

'It can wait. Twenty minutes. Twenty-five. It's important.'

'Well,' he'd said, and shrugged. 'If it's important…'