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‘Yes. And?’
Something crumpled in her expression. ‘We fail as he does. We know and he knows. The Son of Darkness does not send me his regards.’
Then… he said ‘priestess’.
But he didn’t mean this one. Spi
‘. ‘What?’
He looked up, wondered at the alarm in her eyes. After a moment he shook his head. ‘No, I am not interested in forgiveness. Embracing the T’lan Imass killed the man-what would embracing us do to his soul?’
‘I care not to think, Spin. Oh, he was glorious in his way-for all the blood that was needlessly spilled because of it-still… glorious. If you speak not of our bur-dens, then I do not understand your question.’
‘It is newborn, this cult. What shape will it take?’
She sighed again-most extraordinary and further proof of her exhaustion. ‘As you say, very young indeed. And like all religions, its shape-it future-will be found in what happens now, in these first moments. And that is a cause for con-cern, for although pilgrims gather and give gifts and pray, no organization exists. Nothing has been formulated-no doctrine-and all religions need such things.’
He rubbed at his jaw, considering, and then nodded.
‘Why does this interest you?’ she asked.
‘I’m not sure, but I appreciate your expertise.’ He paused, stared down at the clothes in his hands. He had forgotten something, something important-what might it be?
‘I was not wrong,’ she observed, still watching him. ‘You are not yourself, Spin. Have you finally come to resent your Lord’s demands?’
‘No,’ Perhaps, but that is not worthy of consideration-the flaw would be mine, after all. ‘1 am fine, High Priestess.’
She snorted. ‘None of us are that, Spin,’ she said as she turned away.
As his gaze dropped he saw his sword and belt lying on the floor. Of course-he had forgotten his ritual. He collected the weapon and, as the High Priestess threw on her robes, carried it over to the table and set it down. From the belt’s stiff leather pouch he removed a small sponge, a metal flask of eel oil, and a much-stained pad of sharkskin.
‘Ah,’ said the High Priestess from the doorway, ‘all is right with the world again. Later, Spin.’
‘Yes, High Priestess,’ he replied, electing to ignore her sarcasm. And the need it so poorly disguised.
Rain had rushed in from the sea, turning the paths into rivers of mud. Salind sat in the makeshift shed, legs curled up beneath her, shivering as water dripped down through holes in the roof. More people had come scratching at her door, but she had turned them all away.
She’d had enough of being a High Priestess. All her heightened sensitivities to the whims of the Redeemer were proving little more than a curse. What matter all these vague emotions she sensed from the god? She could do nothing for him.
This should not have surprised her, and she told herself that what she was feel-ing wasn’t hurt, but something else, something more impersonal. Perhaps it was her grieving for the growing list of victims as Gradithan and his sadistic mob con-tinued to terrorize the camp-so much so that some were pla
Words were empty in the face of brutal will. They were helpless to defend whatever sanctity might be claimed, for a person’s self, for their freedom to choose how they would live, and with whom. Empathy haunted her. Compassion opened wounds which only a hardening of the soul could in the future prevent, and this she did not want-she had seen too many faces, looked into too many eyes, and recoiled from their coldness, their delight in vicious judgement.
The righteous will claim sole domain on judgement. The righteous are the first to make hands into fists, the first to shout down dissenters, the first to bully others into compliance. ‘
I live in a village of the meek, and I am the meekest of them all. There is no glory in being helpless. Nor is there hope.
Rain lashing down, a drumming roar on the slatted, angled roof, the sound of a deluge that filled her skull. That the Redeemer will embrace is neither just nor unjust. No mortal can sanction their behaviour in the Redeemer’s name. How dare they so presume? Miserable faces matching past, peering in through the cracks in her door. And she wanted to rail at them all. You damned fools. Absolution is not enough! But they would then look upon her, moon-eyed and doleful, desperate that every question yield an answer, clinging to the notion that one suffered for a reason and knowledge of that reason would ease the suffering.
Knowledge, Salind told herself, eases nothing. It just fills spaces that might otherwise flood with despair.
Can you live without answers? All of you, ask that of yourself. Can you live without answers? Because if you ca
‘I am no High Priestess,’ she croaked, as water trickled down her face.
Heavy boots splashing in the mud outside. The door was tugged back and a dark shape blotted out the pale grey light. ‘Salind.’
She blinked, trying to discern who so spoke to her with such… such compas-sion. ‘Ask me nothing,’ she said. ‘Tell me less.’
The figure moved, closing the door in a scrape of sodden grit that filled the shed with gloom once more. Pausing, standing, water dripping from a long leather cloak. ‘This will not do.’
‘Whoever you are,’ Salind said, ‘I did not invite you in. This is my home.’
‘My apologies, High Priestess.’
‘You smell of sex.’
‘Yes, I imagine so.’
‘Do not touch me. I am poison.’
‘I-I have no desire to… touch you, High Priestess. I have walked this village-the conditions are deplorable. The Son of Darkness, I well know, will not long abide such poverty.’
She squinted up at him. ‘You are the Benighted’s friend. The only Tiste Andii for whom humans are not beneath notice.’
‘Is this what you believe of us, then? That is… unfortunate.’
‘I am ill. Please go away, sir.’
‘My name is Spi
‘No, I rejected you, Spi
There might have been something like wry amusement in his tone as he replied, ‘Perhaps the two are one and the same.’
She snorted. ‘Oh, no, a pere
He reached down suddenly and his warm palm pressed against her forehead. She jerked back. Straightening, he said, ‘You are fevered.’
‘Just go.’
‘I will, but I intend to take you with me-’
‘And what of everyone else so afflicted in this camp? Will you carry them all out? Or just me, just the one upon whom you takc pity? Unless it is not pity that drives you.’
‘I will have healers attend the camp-’
‘Do that, yes. I can wait with the others.’
‘Salind-’
‘That’s not my name.’
‘It isn’t? But I was-’
‘I simply chose it. I had no name. Not as a child, not until just a few months ago. I had no name at all, Spi