The Ultimate Choice

'As you picked me up, Noni's horse rolled on you,' Kelly realised with horror. 'Your hip and leg…'

'I was trying to protect Noni… until you got in the way.'

'And one of its hooves lashed out and killed her while you were pi

'Yes,' he said, and his voice was drained of all expression as he added, 'Indirectly, you were responsible for her death.'

Kelly felt sick. Sick and faint and totally shattered by the dreadful revelation. Sheer anguish strangled any further words as the inexorable line of logic savaged her mind and heart. Justin had been unable to save Noni's life because he had chosen to save hers, crippling himself as he did so.

Too stricken to remain standing, Kelly stumbled to an armchair and dropped into it. She shook with nervous reaction as other memories cut into her consciousness.

Justin hadn't wanted to see her again after he'd realised who she was. The child…the child who had cost him too much already. That was what he had said just before she had asked him for the horses, before his vehement rejection of her riding them for show-jumping.

And she had blindly and stubbornly persisted; taking the black Hanoverian stallion that was so like the horse that had caused the tragedy. Justin had driven himself through pain in a desperate attempt to stop her, the child he had saved, who was wilfully taking the same path that had killed the woman he had loved. And lost, because of her.

All those afternoons he had watched her practising the jumps with the horses, how it must have tortured him! And today on Rasputin…the mistake in timing for the wall, and only the black stallion's great ability carrying them clear.

She lifted agonised eyes to the man who had paid so dearly for the choice he had made. 'I'm sorry, Justin. I never realised. You should have told me before. I won't jump again. Not when you've been so hurt by it.' He exploded out of the haunted thrall that was woven around his face, twisting with violent rejection at her offer, his eyes stabbing her with furious frustration. 'You think that's what I want? Why I tell you this?' Kelly flinched at the lash of his words. He turned away with a gesture of contempt, hurling more words at her with passionate intensity. 'You're free, Kelly. Free of me. You don't owe me anything. Your life is your own to lead. To risk. To do as you please. As is your right.'

'No!' Kelly pushed herself to her feet and caught his arm to make him stand and face her. 'I want you, Justin. More than anything else I want you. Even that afternoon when we first met, I felt it. You felt it too.' Conflicting emotions warred across his face. The grey eyes were shifting seas of terrible turbulence. His hand lifted and curled around her chin, clutching hard. 'Kelly, don't tempt me,' he commanded grimly. 'It's too easy for me to take what you offer. Believe me, we'd both pay far too much for it in the end.'

'You want me,' she argued, fighting for the future they could have together. 'You wanted me to marry you this afternoon,' she reminded him in desperate entreaty.

'I was mad to propose it,' he said vehemently. 'That first day…when I realised who you were… that you were the child I saved… I was drawn to you. There was an affinity. A sense of reparation being made for what had happened before. A woman to share my bed… give me the children I didn't have.' His mouth twisted with self-contempt. 'What a mockery of love! You saved me much embarrassment by refusing my proposal point-blank this afternoon. I don't want to go into it any further, Kelly. It's finished. I no longer care for you.'

'I don't believe that. You do care about me,' she said with passionate conviction. 'Why else would you have come to watch me ride? Why else give me everything I want? You indulge me all the time.'

He shook his head, his eyes bleak and tired now. 'It's all mixed up with the past. Let go, Kelly. Cut free. Be happy in your own way. On your own.'

'And what if my happiness lies with you, Justin?'

Something flickered in his eyes- hope?… desire?-but he ruthlessly closed it off. He forced a smile of dry irony. 'A passing fancy. You'll get over it. The young always do.'

'I'm the same age now as you were when you lost Noni. Look how long it's taken you to find someone else whom you want.'

'Enough!' he snapped at her, his control visibly slipping. 'Go home! Be grateful you've made a lucky escape.'

He wheeled away from her and strode towards the music-room.

'You're ru

He paused and sliced her a venomous look. 'Anyone who doesn't run from disaster is a fool! I won't take any more from you, Kelly Hanrahan. You've given me enough grief to last me a lifetime. Go and jump your horses. Kill yourself. Do whatever you like. I don't care. I won't care!'

He slammed the door behind him as he stalked out of the room.

But he did care. Kelly was in no doubt about that. And the freedom he flung at her was a false thing. She would never be free of him. Nor he of her.

Kelly shook herself out of any acceptance of his rejection and ran after him. She couldn't let him go. Not when he needed her so badly.

He wasn't in the music-room. But Kelly knew this house like the back of her hand. And she belonged here. This house, this place, Justin… they all needed her. She was certain of it.

She swept on through the banquet-room, past the office, and turned into the corridor which serviced the guest wing. He was there… almost at the door of the room where she had given him physiotherapy that first day.

'Justin…'

He turned a ravaged face as she flew towards him. 'No!' he cried, anguished by her persistence. He caught her and almost threw her against the wall, pi

Tears welled up in Kelly's eyes, filling them with luminous appeal. 'I love you. I love you, Justin.'

He bent his head, shaking it as if trying to shake himself free of the burden those powerful words inflicted on him. 'Kelly…' Her name was an agonised rasp.

'Please…' she begged, too distraught to find any more words.

He dragged his head up, his face working with uncontrollable emotion. His eyes burned with the torment of hell. With a rapid violence of movement, he scooped her away from the wall, crushing her against him with one arm as he opened the bedroom door with the other. He whirled her inside, shut the door, and leaned back against it, breathing hard.

'This is madness!' he groaned.

'No,' Kelly breathed, careless of the consequences, knowing only that she had to take the crest of his temptation and ride it through all his defences to the heart of the man. She reached up ant wound her arms around his neck. 'It's what you want… what I want,' she whispered.

'It's wrong…it's wrong. I've got to let you go…' The words panted from him in sharp bursts, but his hands were ru

Kelly kissed the frantic pulse at the base of his throat.

An inarticulate cry burst from his lips. His hands clawed through her hair, pulled her head back, and he gave in, his mouth taking hers with a feverish passion that could no longer be denied.

And with the exultation of this triumph Kelly responded with a wild fervour, wanting Justin to forget everything but her and here and now. She wanted to wipe out the memory of Noni, the pain of the past, the differences between them. She wanted this to be the best, the most satisfying, most fulfilling experience in Justin's life…her life…their life together.

She kissed him with all the hunger of her mind and heart and soul, and Justin was irrevocably lost in his need for her, drawn beyond all vestige of control to taste all she offered, to savour it, plunder it, take, know, feel, immerse himself in the wonder of her.