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And, yes, I’ve sized up potential boyfriends, wondering whether or not they were going to be faithful to me.
But I’ve never cared about their EARNING potential. Truly. You can ask Holly.
And as for being good father material, how can I worry about who’s going to be the father of my children when I’m not even sure I WANT children? My career is just starting out. I want to see how that goes before I attempt to bring another life form into this world.
Besides which, I already have a cat. That is quite enough responsibility right now.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Time to talk
Are you seriously comparing owning a cat to raising a child?
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Time to talk
Um, you haven’t met The Dude.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Time to talk
Who is The Dude?
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Time to talk
My cat. And you still haven’t answered MY question.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Time to talk
I can’t remember what it was.
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Time to talk
Isn’t it true that the only reason you’re so anti-love-and-marriage is because your own didn’t work out?
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Time to talk
Absolutely not. The failure of my own marriage plays absolutely no part in my conviction that human beings are genetically incapable of monogamy. I believe we were meant to have seven or eight partners in a lifetime, not one. The idea that as a community we applaud those couples who manage to stay together forty or fifty years or longer is simply ridiculous. There’s something inherently wrong with celebrating couples like that. It simply isn’t natural to want to spend that much time with another human being.
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Time to talk
My parents will be celebrating their fortieth wedding a
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Time to talk
No offense to your parents, but basically, yes. Are you going to tell me that in all of those forty years, they’ve never fought or cheated on each other?
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Time to talk
Sure they’ve fought. They’re HUMAN. But cheated on each other? No way.
J
PS You’re an ass.
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Time to talk
I never said my theory was a very popular one. But it happens to be true.
Cal
PS Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of cute when you’re mad?
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Time to talk
Are you FLIRTING with me?
It won’t work. I’m a little brighter than the women you’re so obviously used to.
Stop e-ing me, we’re here.
J
PS You’re still an ass.
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Marriage of an American Citizen in Italy
An American citizen pla
The citizen’s passport must also be presented and, if applicable, evidence of the termination of any previous marriage (final divorce decree or death certificate) translated into Italian and legalized by the competent Department of State with an “Apostille” (see page 2). The sworn statement has three months’ validity.
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Travel Diary of Jane Harris
Travel Diary of Holly Caputo and Mark Levine
Jane Harris
Cal Langdon is a stupid jerk.
He’s the KING of all jerks. He’s the undisputed CHAMPION of all-time jerks. How can Mark even be friends with him? Really? How?
I mean, I GUESS he can be interesting, and even witty, when he’s talking about some arcane topic such as the accordion-making industry. Which, considering that Castelfidardo is apparently the accordion making capital of the known universe, is at least kind of useful. Who knew Zio Matteo is a world renowned accordionist, and that’s why he bought a villa so close to the town that makes his chosen instrument?
There is even an accordion MUSEUM here, featuring— what else?—the world’s largest playable accordion. It’s as tall as Cal Langdon.
There’s also a statue on the village green of a large man playing the accordion. He is, oddly, in the buff. I’m not sure this would fly in America. I mean, a statue of a naked accordionist in the town square.
Still, topics unrelated to human relationships, such as Saudi Arabia’s declining oil reserves and the history of accordion-making? Those are the only subjects about which Cal Langdon ought to be allowed by law to converse. Because when it comes to people, he’s totally and completely in the dark.
No wonder his wife left him.
I honestly don’t even see how he lasted as long as he did on the foreign correspondence trail. I mean, Cal Langdon has been flying around the world—when he wasn’t apparently bouncing around it in the back of a jeep—interviewing dignitaries and world leaders and guerrillas alike.