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You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Just as I am entitled to mine.
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
You’re not entitled to your opinion at ALL. Because it’s WRONG. You have absolutely no factual basis for it. You can’t know Mark is making “the biggest mistake of his life” by marrying Holly because you hardly know Holly. You’re basing your opinion on your own personal biases against love and marriage. And that has nothing to do with Mark OR Holly. That was just your own stupidity.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark
Now who’s stating an opinion for which she has no factual basis?
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
Um, hello, any MORON can tell you that marrying a model you’ve known for a month is stupid. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark
Has anyone ever told you, Ms. Harris, that your tactlessness is astounding?
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
ME??? I’m not the tactless one, Mr. There’s No Such Thing as Romantic Love. Holly and Mark are in their thirties, not their twenties, and they’ve lived together for over two years. They are NOT making the same mistake you did. They are consenting adults—neither working in the modeling industry—who are in love. End of story.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark
Perhaps we should discuss this face-to-face. My persuasive powers are at a disadvantage on handheld portable devices.
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
No way! I don’t want Holly getting wind of the fact that you aren’t one hundred percent behind this wedding thing. She’s freaking out enough about her family not being behind the idea. If she finds out the best man’s against it too, she’ll die.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark
I meant sometime when Holly and Mark were not with us.
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
Well, I don’t see when that’s going to happen.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark
You don’t anticipate that, during the next seven days we will be spending together, there will be a time when we will be alone together?
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
God, I hope not. I mean, no, I don’t. Let’s just keep this conversation on paper. Or email. Or whatever. I don’t want Holly getting wind of it. I—
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Travel Diary of Jane Harris
Travel Diary of Holly Caputo and Mark Levine
Jane Harris
Well, THAT was totally humiliating. Holly’s cell phone went off right when I was about to rewrite that last message to Cal, and I accidentally pushed Send.
Then Holly asked me to answer her cell phone, since she was concentrating on driving, and her purse was in the back-seat anyway with me and Mark (Cal, of course, got the front seat, since he’s so TALL) and the phone was ringing.
And so I answered it, and this weird old lady was all, “Hellooo? Hellooo-ooo?” and I was all, “Holly Caputo’s line,” and the old lady was like, “Vat? Vat?” with this German accent, and I was like, “Holly, there’s a German lady on the line.”
And Holly went, “Oh, that’s Frau Schumacher, my uncle’s housekeeper. She’s meeting us at the exit to take us to the house since I haven’t been there since I was little and I don’t remember the way, and she says it’s too hard to explain. Tell her we’re on our way.”
So I went, “Oh. OK. Hello, Frau Schumacher?”
And Frau Schumacher was all, “Helloooo, Holly?”
“No, this is Holly’s friend, Jane,” I said. “Holly can’t talk now because she’s driving. But she said to tell you we’re on our way.”
“Vere are you?” Frau Schumacher wanted to know.
So, to be helpful, I looked out the car window, and saw one of those green-and-white signs that let you know the name of the next city that’s coming up.
“We’re just outside Carabinieri,” I said.
Which made Cal start laughing VERY VERY hard. Even though to my knowledge, I hadn’t said anything fu
“Vat?” Frau Schumacher sounded confused. But it was hard to tell with all the LAUGHING in the car.
“Vere are you?”
“We just passed Carabinieri,” I said into the phone. Now Holly was laughing, too. I leaned forward and swatted her, while Mark asked, confusedly, “What’s so fu
“Jane,” Holly choked, between chortles. “Carabinieri isn’t the name of a town . It means police. We drove by a police station just then.”
Really, I don’t see what’s so fu
“Vere are the carabinieri?” Frau Shumacher wanted to know, sounding panicky. “Zey are following you?”
“No, no,” I said, into the phone. “Sorry. No, I made a mistake.”
“Zey zink zey own the roads, the carabinieri!” Frau Schumacher shouted. “In Germany, the polizia, zey know zeir place!”
“No, no carabinieri,” I said. “There isn’t any carabinieri… I made a mistake…”
“Give me that.” Suddenly, the Modelizer was leaning over, trying to snatch the phone from me.
“I’ve GOT it,” I said, outraged, and yanking the phone out of his reach.
“You guys,” Holly yelled, jerking the wheel.
“I told you you don’t know how to drive a stick,” Mark said, as Holly’s suitcase landed on him.