Страница 18 из 59
And maybe so.
But a few more meals like that one, and I guarantee I won’t be fitting into my one-piece. Which would suck, because Holly says the villa’s got a kick-ass pool.
So then after lunch we walked around the parking lot a little to get our circulation back and take in the view, which was stu
I assumed he meant what I’d said about Holly and Mark being so perfect for each other, and that he was going to apologize for saying otherwise—especially since they were over by the car bickering about how it was Holly’s turn to drive and Mark was saying how he was more comfortable with stick than she was and it was a totally cute argument that was making me long for my own soul mate with whom to bicker.
Only instead, he went, “Graziella Fratiani happens to own one of the most popular art galleries in Rome, and is both an enterprising businesswoman and a good friend. She is hardly a—what did you call her? Oh, yes. A skank.”
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???? I was totally shocked. I just stood there looking up at him (why does he have to be so tall, anyway? And why are tall men always so… hot?) totally unable to think of anything pithy or witty to say. As usual.
And in a way he DID have a right to be mad. I mean, I don’t know Graziwhosits Fratiwhatever. Maybe she’s not a skank at all. Maybe she’s this totally kindhearted and generous woman who gives huge amounts of money to cancer research and volunteers at the local orphanage….
Yeah, right. No one in her thirties has thighs that thin without the help of the medical community.
And no one who’s had that much work done is hanging out with orphans.
Plus, no one who stops by guys’ hotel rooms for an afternoon quickie isn’t a skank.
And even though Holly had asked me to try to get along with Large Appendage, just for the trip, and is making him out to be this big tragic hero, on account of his ex leaving him for someone richer (I bet she regrets it now, if she saw that episode of Charlie Rose my mom was talking about), I looked up at him and before I could stop myself, was all, “Wow, really, one of the most popular art galleries in Rome?”
Cal: “Yes.”
Me: “And she didn’t, like, inherit it from her dad or get it in a divorce settlement from an ex-husband?”
Cal: (looking kind of chagrined) “Well. Yes. I mean, her grandfather started the business, but—”
Me: “I see. Well, it might interest you to know that there are women who’ve actually started their own businesses from scratch without any help from their fathers, and who’ve managed to land seven-figure development deals with the Cartoon Network due to their own hard work and perseverance.”
Which is all true. I mean, I don’t actually GET the seven figures unless the Cartoon Network picks up Wondercat as an animated series.
But he doesn’t have to know that.
Besides, even without those seven figures, I’m doing fine. Just as well as Grazi who sits. Probably.
And even if I’m not, the money is MINE. I earned it from MY hard work, not my grandpa’s. And so what if I live in a studio apartment? He doesn’t have to know that. What do I need a lot of space for anyway?
It’s just me and The Dude, after all.
He didn’t even have the grace to look embarrassed, though. He was just all, “Regardless. You don’t have the right to call her a skank.”
So then I looked him dead in the eye—well, as close as I could, anyway, from my twelve-inch height disadvantage—and said, “Well, you don’t have the right to say Mark and Holly shouldn’t get married.”
“Actually,” he said. “I do.”
AND THEN HE STALKED AWAY!!! Before I could get another word in! Before I could stalk away!
Which actually is probably a good thing because when I tried to stalk away in the other direction, my Steve Madden heel slipped in the gravel and I nearly fell down and I would have fallen if I hadn’t grabbed hold of the fender of a Smart Car parked nearby.
He didn’t see, though.
Anyway, this pretty much settles it:
Cal Langdon = Spawn of Satan.
But at least now I know where we stand. And I will be able to begin taking evasive action. Obviously, from this moment on, I can never
a) Leave Cal and Mark alone in a room together
b) Leave Cal and Holly alone in a room together
c) Leave Cal alone anywhere
I will have to watch him like a hawk. It would be SO like him to drop unsubtle little hints about phenylethylamine and the dissolution of his marriage here and there in order to shake Mark’s conviction to go through with his.
And Holly, as I know only too well, is already wondering if she’s doing the right thing. I CANNOT let that man destroy the one actual solid romantic relationship left in the universe… well, except for my mom and dad’s, but ew, don’t want to think about that right now.
The only thing is, he obviously thinks he knows what’s best… not just for Mark, but for everybody. I mean, that bossy way he chose where we were going to have lunch, and then, once we were there, what we were going to have.
And yeah, it was delicious.
But still.
I have to find a way to let him know he is NOT in charge here—WITHOUT letting Holly suspect anything’s wrong. Because Holly’s worried enough about everything. If she finds out the best man doesn’t even think this wedding is a good idea, it’s all over.
I’ve got to prove to this guy that I am not at ALL impressed with the size of his member. His having a huge you know what does absolutely NOTHING to intimidate ME.
And you know, I don’t think his thing can really be all that big because it’s not like he walks all bowlegged or whatever. Curt Shipley’s was HUGE and you could see the sun shine between his i
Oooooh, I have an idea. If his email is the same as everyone else’s who works at the Journal ….
___________________________________________
e-mails
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
It’s me. What you said back there in the parking lot—about how you’re going to do whatever it takes to make sure Mark doesn’t make the biggest mistake of his life—that’s pretty presumptuous of you, don’t you think?
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark
Ms. Harris. What a surprise. You’re emailing me.
From the backseat.
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: Holly and Mark
Oh, please. Like you and Mark weren’t doing the same in the cab yesterday.
I realize you and Mark are friends—good friends, since childhood, just like Holly and I are.
But you haven’t seen him in a long time. How do you even know what’s good for him anymore? And you certainly don’t know Holly well enough to make any kind of judgment about her. How can you presume that you know what’s best for either of them when the truth is, you hardly know them at all?
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Cal Langdon
Re: Holly and Mark