Forrest Gump

"Nine hundrit," Mike says.

"How bout lettin him wear a bathin suit instead of that dunce cap an diapers?" says Je

"They loved it," Mike says. "It's part of his appeal."

"How would you like to have to dress up in somethin like that?" Dan says.

"I ain't a idiot," says Mike.

"You shut the fuck up bout that," Dan say.

Well, Mike was good for his word. Nex time I rassled, it was against a feller called "The Human Fly." He was dressed up in somethin with a big pointed snout like a fly have, an a mask with big ole bugged-out eyes. I got to thow him bout the ring an finally set on his head an I collected my nine hundrit dollars. Furthermore, everbody in the crowd cheered wildly an kep hollerin, "We want The Dunce! We want The Dunce!" It wadn't such a bad deal.

Nex, I got to rassle The Fairy, an they even let me bust his wand over his head. After that, they was a hole bunch of guys I come up against, an Dan an me had managed to save up about five thousan dollars for the srimp bidness. But also let me say this: I was gettin very popular with the crowds. Women was writin me letters an they even begun to sell dunce caps like mine as souvenirs. Sometimes I'd go into the ring an they would be fifty or a hundrit people settin there in the audience wearin dunce caps, all clappin an cheerin an callin out my name. Kinda made me feel good, you know?

Meantime, me an Je

The problem I got now is with Je

You see, it ain't really been since we played them Nebraska corn shucker jackoffs at the Orange Bowl that I has really felt like I done accomplished somethin. Maybe for a little bit durin the ping-pong games in Red China, but that lasted just for a few weeks. But now, you see, ever Saturday night ever week, I am goin out there an hearin them cheer. An they is cheerin me—idiot or not.

You should of heard them cheer when I whupped The Grosse Pointe Grinder, who come into the ring with hundrit dollar bills glued to his body. An then they was "Awesome Al from Amarillo," that I done put a Boston Crab hold on an won mysef the Eastern Division champeenship belt. After that, I got to rassle Juno the Giant, who weighed four hundrit pounds an dressed in a leopard skin an carried a papier-mache club.

But one day when Je

We went outside an took a walk near a little creek an Je

"What you mean?" I axed, even though I kind of knew.

"I mean we have got nearly ten thousan dollars now, which is more than twice what Dan says we need to start the srimp business. And I am begi

"I ain't makin no fool of mysef," I says, "I has got my fans to think of. I am a very popular person. Cain't jus up an leave like that."

"Bullshit," Je

"What's wrong with that?" I axed.

"Well how do you think it makes me feel, the feller I'm in love with bein known far an wide as 'The Dunce,' an makin a spectacle of hissef ever week—an on television, too!"

"We get extra money for the television," I says.

"Screw the extra money," Je

"Whoever heard of nobody didn't need any extra money?" I say.

"We don't need it that bad," Je

"Look," I says, "it seem to me that I oughta be the one what say if I quit or not. I ain't go

"Well I ain't go

20

I HAD A COUPLE OF MATCHES AFTER THAT AN WON BOTH OF them, naturally, an then Mike call Dan an me in his office one day an says, "Look here, this week you are go

"Who is that?" Dan axed.

"He comes from California," says Mike, "an is pretty hot stuff out there. He is ru

"Okay by me," I say.

"But there is just one other thing," say Mike. "This time, Forrest, you got to lose."

"Lose?" I says.

"Lose," say Mike. "Look, you been wi

"How you figger that?"

"Simple. People like a underdog. Makes you look better the nex time."

"I don't like it," I say.

"How much you payin?" Dan axed.

"Two thousan."

"I don't like it," I says again.

"Two thousan's a lot of money," Dan say.

"I still don't like it," I says.

But I took the deal.

Je

"I got to," I says. "Anyhow, I is go

"Lose?" she say. I splain it to her jus like Mike splain it to me, an she say, "Awe shit, Forrest, this is too much."

"It's my life," I says—whatever that meant.

Anyway, a day or so later, Dan come back from someplace an says him an me got to have a talk.

"Forrest, I think I got the solution to our problems."

I axed what it was.

"I think," says Dan, "we better be bailin out of this business pretty soon. I know Je

"How's that?" I axed.

"I been talkin to a feller downtown. He runs a bookie operation an the word is out you go

"So?" I says.

"So what if you win?"

"Win?"

"Kick his ass."

"I get in trouble with Mike," I says.

"Screw Mike," Dan say. "Look, here's the deal. Spose we take the ten thousan we got an bet it on you to win? Two-to-one odds. Then you kick his ass an we got twenty grand."