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I pulled the pad free and stuck it onto my own chest.
We sat like that for a minute, very still. I looked up at the monitor and watched the tracings of my own heart. It was beating as fast as it was hard.
The nurse stuck her head in. 'Ishikura-san, are you all right?'
Tatsu smiled. 'I'm fine.'
My back was to her. She couldn't see the wire snaking into my shirt.
She nodded. 'There must have been a glitch in one of the machines. Sorry to disturb you.'
Tatsu said, 'That's all right. Could you send my man in, please?'
She nodded and left.
The bodyguard came in a moment later. Tatsu said, 'It's late. Why don't you take the rest of the night off?'
The bodyguard said, 'Sir, my replacement won't be here for another thirty…'
'It's fine. My friend here will watch over me until then.'
'Sir…'
Tatsu looked at him, and for a moment he seemed his old formidable self. 'Don't make me ask you again,' he said.
The bodyguard nodded crisply and walked out.
Tatsu settled back in his bed and groaned. The effort of momentarily projecting that fierce persona had exhausted him.
'All right,' he said, gesturing to the IV line in his arm.
I filled the syringe and pushed the needle into a distal port on the main line. The tears I'd been fighting welled up in my eyes and spilled over.
'I've always wondered how you go about your work,' he said.
I looked at him. 'I don't usually cry while I'm at it.'
He laughed weakly. 'I won't tell anyone.'
I kinked the main IV line above the port and closed it with the string from the package. We were ready to go. But still I hesitated.
'Rain-san, what are you waiting for?'
I squeezed his hand hard and looked at him. 'You've been a good friend to me,' I said. 'Thank you.'
He smiled. 'And you to me. There's no one else I could ask. You know that, don't you?'
I nodded, but couldn't speak.
'Take care of your family now,' he said. 'There's nothing more important than that. Watch over your boy.'
I nodded again, the tears ru
'I've waited a long time to see my son,' he said. 'Please, help me go to him now.'
I squeezed his hand harder and shoved down the plunger.
He was looking at me, and then all at once he was looking somewhere beyond me, someplace I couldn't see. Maybe at someone.
The pressure from his hand diminished, and then was gone.
I withdrew the syringe, put it back in the bag, and unkinked the IV line. I closed his eyes and sat with him, holding his hand, feeling empty and miserable and alone.
After a few minutes, I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. 'Be with your son,' I said.
I took a deep breath, switched the monitor back to his chest, and stood.
The nurse came rushing in a moment later. 'Something's wrong,' I said. 'I don't think he's breathing.'
She raced around the bed so quickly and started checking on him so intently that she didn't even notice when I walked quietly away.
54
I went to a bar I liked, D-Heartman, on one of the back-streets in Ginza. Heartman is an old but elegant place, all mahogany paneling and low light and bartenders in formal pleated shirts and black bow ties. They take their cocktails seriously and have an excellent selection of single malts, and it was just what I needed at the moment.
I called Dox when I got there and told him where he could find me, if he wanted to.
'How did it go in New York?' he asked.
'It went fine. They're all dead.'
Something in my tone must have told him not to inquire further for now. He said, 'You going to call Delilah? She's still here.'
'I don't want to see her. If you want to come, come alone.'
I took the elevator up to the sixth floor and walked inside. The two bartenders bowed when I came in and welcomed me with a low 'Irasshaimase.' I told them I wanted the window seat, and someone walked me over. Heartman does most of its business after midnight, and for the moment I had the place to myself.
I ordered a sixteen-year-old Lagavulin, straight. I sipped and watched the quiet street below. I focused on the taste, the smell, the feeling in my throat. I tried not to think.
Dox showed up forty-five minutes later. I had just ordered my fourth Lagavulin. My head felt mercifully fuzzy.
He sat down across from me. 'Should I order what you're having, or is it that medicine-tasting stuff?'
'Oh, it's medicine,' I said.
He turned to the waiter. 'I'll just have a double Stoli on ice. Ah, make that a triple. I think I've got some catching up to do.'
I translated, then said, 'I didn't think you'd still be around.'
'Where'd you expect me to go?'
I shrugged. 'I don't know. Where you live. Wherever that is.'
'As it happens, I'm transitioning to a place in Bali I know. I like it there. Our little score at Wajima ought to speed things up for me, too. But I thought I'd spend some time in Roppongi first. Plus I was hoping you'd be back and we'd get to see each other.'
The waiter brought our drinks and moved off.
'Cheers,' Dox said.
We touched glasses. Dox leveled off about two-thirds of his vodka and let out a long, contented sigh. He leaned back in his chair and said, 'You going to tell me what happened in New York?'
I told him all of it. I felt detached as I recounted things, as though I was listening to someone else talking. Must have been the booze.
When I was done, he said, 'Goddamn, man. I'm sorry to hear that. Truly.'
I nodded and drained my glass. Dox did the same and signaled the waiter for two more.
'But you know,' he went on, 'they're safe now. And with Yamaoto dead, so are you.'
'Yeah,' I said. 'They're safe.'
'What I mean is, give it time. You're that boy's father, and nothing can ever change that. Eventually, Midori's going to come to her senses. She's freaked out now, of course she is, but that's not going to last forever. Blood is a powerful thing, partner.'
I laughed without mirth. 'That's fu
The waiter brought us the drinks. He collected our empty glasses and moved on.
Dox took a swallow and said, 'I know what's going on with you and Delilah, man.'
I looked at him. 'What do you know?'
'That you've gotten your signals crossed one too many times.'
'Is that what you call it? You know what she did? She went to New York to try to scare Midori away. And she's so good at what she does, it worked.'
'I know what she did. She told me. She feels awful about it. She tried to tell you when you were leaving for New York, but she says you wouldn't listen.'
'What is there to talk about? She did what she did.'
'She made a mistake, is what she did. And she knows it.'
'Yeah? Well, fuck her.'
'Pardon me for saying so, partner, but is it possible you're being just a tad ungrateful here?'
I took a swallow of the whiskey and glared at him.
He stared right back. 'You know, she flew halfway around the world and risked her life to help you with your problem. She killed one man who was trying to get the drop on you. And she killed two more the moment she realized they would harm your family if they lived.'
'You know why she came out here? She felt guilty over the little op she pulled on Midori behind my back. The one Midori was so freaked out by, it made her set me up to be killed.'
'Who cares why she came? That woman is devoted to you, son, only you're so eager for an excuse to go back to your "it's me all alone against the world" bullshit that you won't even admit it.'
I looked at him. 'What do you want from me, Dox?'
'I want you not to become the miserable recluse part of you insists on being.'
'You want me to tell you I'm hurt? I feel betrayed? Well, I won't. I don't need your shoulder to cry on.'