Myth-Gotten Gains

"So that proves that we will get information. I will just have to work on getting past his spell."

"You don't need to," Payge said. "I have a floor plan."

Surrounded by an illusion of a hazel copse overlooking the black castle, we watched guards go in and out for a few hours and studied the illuminated elevation on page 846 of Payge's section on Famous Buildings of Evil Overlords and Wizards. We propped up the Golden Hoard so they could look it over with us.

"A fairly traditional layout, with defensive positions well designed." Ersatz said.

I turned over to Figure 3b, which showed a lot of colored arrows lying over the castle.

Tananda whistled. "No wonder Barrik can have magikal protection like he has. There are four major lines of force intersecting above and below the castle, not to mention about six smaller ones. It's a major nexus point."

So, friend Aahz, what is our plan?" Ersatz asked.

"Plan?" I asked blandly, turning to meet him eye to eye. "There's no plan. Calypsa here asked us to help assemble the Golden Hoard to trade for her grandfather with this wizard Barrik. That's what we're going to do."

"What?" he asked, outraged. "I have heard you say so over these many days, but I still ca

"Why not?" I asked coolly. "You all decided you could ignore mine, and for what I think is the most petty of reasons. As far as I am concerned, you're just a bunch of hot trade goods."

"You are justified in your anger, friend Aahz," Ersatz said, after a moment's reflection. "It is hubris as that which we have shown that caused the fall of Valhal. We will not follow in its wake. We were created to serve mortals in their aims. It would appear that we are acting in our own interests,

whether for ego's sake or not. That is inexcusable. You have proven your merit again and again. It was wrong of Asti to complain of your wish to be reimbursed, since it was I who persuaded you to incur the debt. Otherwise I might not yet have regained my freedom, and found such a worthy apprentice to teach." His eyes swiveled to Calypsa, whose eyes were fixed on him in adoration.

"You're right, Ersatz," I said, with a grin. "He has no way to expect your talents. What's your best guess on penetrating the castle?"

The eyes narrowed slightly, but with humor showing. "Why, Calypsa will be expected, but you must be admitted. And if all goes ill you will require a diversion to get out, as well."

"We have one." I turned to Kelsa. "Buirnie said you're no better than a snow globe for predicting the future."

"What?" Kelsa said. She turned to the Fife, whose mouth gaped open. "You said that! I can see it now! How dare you!"

"I told you that in confidence," he protested to me.

"He's not that original a songwriter, you know," Payge said. "I can show you at least a dozen references where Buirnie played music that he claimed he wrote himself, but they date back hundreds of years before. Turn to page 1,047, if you don't believe me."

"You comic book!" Buirnie exploded, loosing a whistle that pierced both of my ears to the center of my skull. "How dare you claim to be the greatest historical archive of all time! Ersatz said you missed out completely on a dozen of his battles. He says you ignored them out of jealousy!"

"That is not true," Ersatz protested. "I said he might have downplayed my role in the wars out of deference to the mortals involved. But I should have been mentioned where I took a part!"

"Your ego is not the point of my documents," Payge said. "It is for the ages."

Tananda grabbed my arm. "It's starting again."

The ground started to shake underneath our feet.

"Make them stop, Aahz!" Calypsa begged me.

"No," I said, with satisfaction. "This is just what we want."

"Hah!" Asti exclaimed. "You provoked that on purpose!"

"Sure did," I said with satisfaction. "You all go up like balloons right on cue. Works pretty well, I think."

Ersatz's dark blue eyes were summing. "Friend Aahz, you are not only an excellent judge of character, but a clever captain of resources."

I gri

"What?" Calypsa said, after she had finished a spontaneous dance for joy. "I thought you said that it would be too perilous for me and my family if I did."

"Simple," I said. "We want Barrik to think we don't suspect anything. Before her mother's broken out the baklava, Barrik will know that Calypsa is home. Nothing travels faster in a small town than gossip. They'll be talking about the fabulous treasures she's carrying. What they won't be able to tell him is whether they're real or not."

"But of course we are real, dear Aahz," Kelsa said, patiently.

"You are," I said. "But the goodies that Calypsa will be bringing to Barrik aren't."

"Should he not meet us?" Ersatz demanded. "Will we not bring our full force to bear upon this caitiff? He has insulted her family and cast her honored ancestor into durance vile"

"Sure he will meet you," I said, not able to keep myself from gri

We went into a huddle.

Calypsa looked like a baby chick whose mother hen had abandoned it on the doorstep as she stood with her bag full of pseudo-Hoard swag, waiting for the portcullis of the black castle to rise. I didn't like the glee of the Dile henchmen as they marched out and surrounded her. They were plenty rough

as they towed her inside. Her parents hung back on the other side of the moat with the rest of the townsfolk, clutching one another in fear. Calypsa kept her back straight.

"That's the girl," I said in a low voice. I felt pretty confident as long as she had Ersatz with her.

Even if she had no opportunity to draw him, he could talk her spirits up. The other real treasure she had with her was Chin-Hwag. I did not like the idea of the Purse falling into the clutches of the Dile wizard, but she was right about the thoughts of endless streams of gold keeping anyone from looking too closely at the fake treasures.

Tananda had done us proud. She had bounced back to Deva to shop for the fakes. I thought the substitute Asti was the best, a deconsecrated chalice from a cult that had gotten shut down by the authorities on Como for tax fraud, bedizened with a wealth of glass gems. The others were pretty good, too, though I hoped Barrik set Calypso free before he opened up the fake Payge. The scam book was a complete collection of "Danger Whelf" comics for the last fifty years, bound in genuine iron pyrite embossed covers.

"I ca

"Read my Breaking Updates section," Payge advised us.

As directed, I turned to the header. Beneath it was a series of illustrations, quick-drawn as though they had been jotted by a court reporter. The first showed Calypsa, a tragic expression on her face, in the midst of the guards. The second was a broad image of a courtyard, huge, but with every detail suggested by quick pen strokes.

"Nice work," I commented.

"Thank you," Payge said.

"That's Barrik?" Tananda asked, pointing to a ski

"Not very impressive," I agreed.

The evil wizard, who had moved in and taken over the town, kidnapped at least one of its most prominent citizens,

and had set up a ring of spells that defeated even some of the most powerful magik items I'd ever come across, was a ski

"Fedoras like that are even out of style on Imper," Tananda said.