Myth-Gotten Gains

"That doesn't make sense," I said. "If you have Chin-Hwag, and she'll cough up whatever you need, then why are you so desperate?"

Hylida smiled. It was a saint's smile. I could see why the people around there worshiped her. "It is not money we need here, but heart. The people here are poor. They can't afford new clothes, or household goods, or even wigs."

"Wigs?"

"Oh, yes. They are a status symbol in Toa. We ca

Asti seemed to square her shoulders.

"Let's get this over with," she said. "I haven't had to pitch in like this since the cooks burned the Grand Trompier's wedding feast in the palace of Belaj."

But before the soup-line could begin, the jingle of metal and the thundering of hoofbeats made the Toadies leap up. "Run away!" they shouted.

"What's the problem?" I asked. Hylida looked grave.

"The tax collectors are here," she said.

Chapter 19

INTO THE SUDDENLY-CLEARED square galloped a troop of riders. The steeds, pulling to a halt in a cloud of dust, looked like giant blue newts, saddled and bridled with scaly leather trimmed with gold. The barding protecting their soft underbellies was studded with hooked spikes. The armored and helmeted Toadies mounted on their backs brandished spears with hooks on the ends like the canes vaudeville theater owners used to yank unsuccessful acts off stage. One of them caught a little Toady woman in pink by the neck. They hauled her in.

"Tax time!" he shouted gleefully.

"I don't have any money!" the woman protested. "Please let me go!"

I started outside. I was twice the size of any of the soldiers. I could get her free. Hylida grabbed my arm with a virtually weightless claw.

"Do not interfere," she said. "It only makes it worse."

The guards dragged their prisoner before the most elaborately-dressed Toady, one wearing a huge blond wig that stuck out from underneath his helmet like a cloud of steel wool.

"Name?"

"Ranax, sir," the woman sobbed.

The captain took a small plastic tablet from his saddlebag and jabbed at the screen with a stylus. It hummed and clicked, and a plastic strip rolled out of the top.

"Ranax. Your family owes six silver pieces!" The tablet chittered, and the strip grew to about three inches. He tore it off and thrust it toward her. The little female took it in trembling hands.

"I.. .I will have to go home for the money, sir!"

The captain aimed a finger, and the guards dropped her from the hook. The Toady woman waddled out of the square

as fast as her thick little legs would carry her. The guards went after an elderly male.

I heard a minor hubbub behind me. Ranax wriggled in through one of the large holes in the wall, and was kneeling before Sister Hylida and Chin-Hwag. She must have gone around the corner and come back through the rat's maze of alleys.

"Let me see, six silver pieces, at the current rate of exchange..." the Purse said, clicking the beads on her strings together like an abacus. "Hack! Ugh! There you are." She opened her mouth and spat a tiny gold coin into Ranax's outstretched hand. "Don't drop it!"

"No, I will not. Thank you, sister!" Ranax left the way she came. As she exited, two more of the tax-collectors' victims squirmed inside. For the next few hours, Chin-Hwag coughed up a mix of small coins to satisfy the demands. The captain read off his demands from the little screen in silver, but the Purse produced only gold coins, some so small they could get lost underneath my fingernails. The Toadies clutched them and ran out to pay.

"How long does this go on?" I asked.

"Until they have checked off everyone on the list," Hylida said. Her eyes widened. "Oh, hide!" she said, suddenly. "They are coming this way!"

The Toadies still in the room dove for one of the exits. Tananda, Calypsa and I grabbed up the Hoard and followed them, but we weren't fast enough. The armored newts spotted us. They bellowed. Their riders turned to see what they were looking at.

"Strangers!"

"Take them!" the captain shouted.

Waving their hooks, a couple of the biggest Toadies turned their newts toward me. I ducked as they galloped past. When I sprang up again, I saw they had hooked one another. I gri

"Oil, fast," I ordered Asti. "Make it slippery."

"What? All right." The Cup filled with a viscous green liquid. I tossed it out under the feet of the onrushing lizard. Its beady eyes widened, but it was too late to backpedal. Its front feet slid forward, with the back feet still windmilling. It did a respectable death spiral, whirling with its head between its feet. I would have awarded them six points, but the rider went flying into the nearest tent. It collapsed under him.

"Next time keep your knees clenched!" I jeered at him.

I felt a poking sensation at my back. I turned to see a dozen other soldiers, still securely in their saddles, pointing spears at my back. Slowly, I lifted my hands in surrender.

They had already rounded up Calypsa and Tananda. I clutched Asti, hoping that she would have the sense to keep her lip zipped. All I needed was to have the treasures confiscated when we were so close to having collected the whole set.

"How dare you assault my officers?" the captain asked, staring down at me. "I am Captain Horunkus of the Royal Collection Agency!"

"Well, Horunkus, if someone told you that wig made you look like Shirley Temple, you ought to sue them," I advised. "I am Aahz, Royal Magician of the Palace of Vaudeville!"

"A royal wizard," he said, but he didn't sound too impressed. His eyes were pi

"What about it?" I snarled, flexing a claw or two. "Try and take these, and we'll make your lives miserable. Didn't you see how we bested half a dozen of your best men?"

"I did notice...Er, did you not know that to visit this esteemed city of Sri Port, you must pay a visitor tax? You must have a tourist visa to be here!"

"No one sold us one at the gates," I said. That was true, after all.

I could see him making a mental note that the excise officers ma

each, or whatever penalty they used around there. Horunkus curled his upper lip.

"Well, then, I will collect it, so you do not have to go to the trouble of returning to the gate where you entered." He wrote energetically on the electronic tablet in his hands. "Yes. Half a gold piece each, please."

The 'please' was punctuated with a jab from the spears.

"Watch it, buddy!" I snarled. "I can't reach my wallet if you're poking me." I hastily stuffed Asti back in her bag, and tucked Payge under my arm. I tried to be discreet about the contents of my purse, but this Toady must have had some Deveel blood in him. At the chink of coin, he perked up still further.

"You are also carrying goods of more than five gold pieces in value. Those artifacts in your possession are worth more than that, are they not?"

"What if they are?" I asked.

"Please submit an estimate of their current market value." "Why, they are priceless!" Calypsa said. "Do you not know that this is the great sword..."

"Hsst!" I hissed at her. "Ix-nay on the eech-spay!"

Her potion-based language talent struggled for a moment, but enlightenment finally dawned upon her face. "I am so sorry, Aahz!" she said. "I wished but to extol the virtues..."