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My skin crawled.
Gem once again saved me from embarrassing myself. Tripping into me, she squeaked dramatically. “Oh!”
My arms automatically came up to catch her when she crashed into my chest. My hands locked around her waist. “Whoa, are you okay?”
She caught my worried gaze with a conspiratorial glance. “Yes, fine. Sorry. I’m not used to being in such high heels. Very clumsy of me.” Smoothing down my tux where she’d deliberately fallen into me, she flicked her hair, turned her back, and plonked herself directly in front of me, preventing any hope of Tony getting a handshake without physically removing her.
Fuck, I love this woman.
“Sorry about that.” Gemma laughed. “Kas is such a gentleman. Never lets me fall. Which is ironic, seeing as I was the reason he fell off a cliff.”
“Ah, yes!” Tony dropped his arm. “I read about that. The unfortunate incident that led to a long recovery, you playing nursemaid, and the romantic conclusion of falling in love.”
Gem laughed. It was strained and slightly forced, but I doubted anyone would notice who wasn’t intimately involved with her like I was.
Like.
I.
Am.
Holy shit.
I’m the only one who gets to see her naked.
Just like she’s the only one who gets to see me naked.
And not just naked physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
Fuck.
It was like a bomb went off inside my head.
A simple, significant bomb that showed just how precious that truth was.
No one else.
Ever again.
Just us.
My shoulders fell away from my ears, my back straightened, and a peace fell over my racing heart. A peace I’d tried so fucking hard to grasp, but it’d kept eluding me until now.
A peace that came from surrendering to everything.
Surrendering to what had happened. Surrendering to what was happening. And knowing, without any fucking doubt, that nothing bad would happen again.
Ever.
Because Gem wouldn’t allow it.
I wouldn’t allow it.
We made our own rules because we were together and had each other’s backs for the rest of our lives.
Wow.
It was like a massive boulder rolled off my back.
Air had never tasted so sweet, even laced with perfume and cologne, slipping into my lungs and stealing some of the darkness still inside me.
I studied the crowd in a new light. Sure, there might be some monsters in there, mingling with i
They couldn’t come and touch me without my permission.
I wouldn’t be forced to stand there while they took liberties that made me want to die.
Only Gemma could touch me because I’d given her that right, all while taking my own rights over her.
“Kas?” Gemma asked quietly, looking over her shoulder at me. “Everything okay?”
A broad smile broke out over my face.
Fuck yes, things were okay.
I’d finally accepted what I’d been trying to tell myself all along.
I wasn’t a scrawny kid anymore.
I wasn’t some amnesiac animal from the valley.
I was a man who fully deserved to be beside the woman he loved and had a power that no one could steal again.
Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I pulled her close, held out my hand, and waited for Tony to shake.
Gemma froze.
I shivered just a little.
Tony frowned and glanced at my palm before he slowly gri
Dry and papery, cool and strong.
Our fingers wrapped around each other.
Parts of my psyche crashed and scurried in my head, screaming for mercy, begging not to be hurt. While the new side of me, the part that recognized I didn’t have to put up with pain anymore breathed a huge sigh of relief.
I can do this.
See, I’m fucking doing it.
Gemma sucked in a breath as Tony and I let go, our hands falling to our sides, our gazes catching. I waited for some residue of fear. Some ghost to whisper in my head. Some phantom pain to torment me.
But nothing.
He was just a man.
Nothing more.
Silence fell for a second, filled with noise from the crowd, then Katie’s voice piped up. I’d completely forgotten she was still here. “I’ll leave you guys to chat.” She leaned past Gem to swap her now empty champagne for a fresh glass. “I think I saw Tiff over there. I want to ask her how she’s finding her new climbing shoes before I drop three hundred dollars on Zopaz.”
“Zopaz?” I asked Gem as Katie ducked through the crowd.
“It’s a climbing brand.” Gem pulled away, her eyes searching mine, trying to figure out how I’d shaken Tony’s hand without punching someone. Clearing her throat, aware we couldn’t have a private conversation just yet, she added, “They’re not cheap, but so worth it.”
“You have a sponsorship with Zopaz, if I’m not mistaken?” Tony asked, refusing a beer that the barkeep passed his way.
Gem nodded. “Yes. I was lucky enough to be offered a partnership with them a few years ago, which means I have way too many climbing shoes and obviously earn royalties every time I mention them in my videos.”
“And how is ad revenue going for you?” Tony cocked his head, looking more business-focused. “We keep an eye on your click rates, and shorter ads definitely convert better than longer ones—especially if that product has anything to do with outdoors, physical fitness, or healthy lifestyles.”
“I can’t complain at the income YouTube pays me.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Tony beamed as if he was the one who personally paid Gemma. And who the hell knew, perhaps he was. Was this her boss technically? All this online stuff made my head pound as much as a fresh concussion.
Tony turned to me, sending a whisper of anxiety down my spine even now. Even after my breakthrough. “So, Kas, I’m not sure if my PA has tracked you guys down yet, but the idea of the evening is we’ll introduce you to a bunch of people who we believe can be instrumental in launching a highly successful cha
A roar sounded in my head.
Pain pressed on my temples.
Any peace I might’ve felt vanished.
All I heard was I had to whore myself out to men and women with fat wallets, giving up pieces of myself yet again so they would give me something in return. I had to dance, smile, and do whatever it took to make them like me.
Fucking hell.
White spots appeared on my vision. The room vanished for a few breaths. I let the whiteness smother me, then blinked it away, focusing on Gem.
She noticed I was borderline losing it.
She worried so much because of me.
But I didn’t want her to worry.
I wanted to be the man who made her happy not worry all the goddamn time.
I wanted to be the man I was just two seconds ago.
The man who could shake another man’s hand and not have a fucking panic attack.
Christ, what’d happened between now and then? Why did these mood swings keep happening? Couldn’t I just pick an emotion and stick with it, for fuck’s sake?
My nostrils flared as my temper grew hot.
I needed a drink.
I needed something to take the edge off before I completely destroyed any hope of being human in front of hundreds of people.
Spi
The barkeep nodded. “Coming right up.”
Gem rubbed my back, making me flinch. “Hey...Kas? Do you think it’s wise—”
“It’s very wise.” I grabbed the glass as the guy dropped a few fingers of liquor into it. “Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. I promise.” Tossing back the burn, I swallowed hard and bottled everything up. I shoved down my hopes, ignored my disappointments, and glared at Tony, who was watching me like I was a gorilla escaped from his cage.
“Kas, let’s go for a walk.” Gemma tugged my hand, her skin clammy with anxiety. “I need some air.”
Translation: you need some air.
But I was done being weak.
I’d come here to help others like me.
I’d come so kids crying in the dark, marked in bruises, and craving death wouldn’t have to wait as long as I did before they were free.
I could find them.
Free them.
I could save them this fucking heartache of doubting their own minds, fearing their own nightmares, and wondering if they’d ever be completely sane.
But I wouldn’t do it their way. I wouldn’t be their puppet.
Pointing a finger in Tony’s face, I snapped, “I’ll make a speech if it will help the kids who are lost, but I’m not being paraded around like a piece of meat, do you hear me? I’m not shaking hands. I’m not going to pretend I’m cured and that any of this is fucking easy. It’s not. Nothing about this is easy. Trying to live again after waiting to die? Believing you should be able to slot back into society, only to come face-to-face with the heartbreaking truth that you’re different now. You’ve changed and might never change back. You realize, against your wishes, that you’re not like the others who have never been touched by darkness. You’re still fucking lost even though you’ve been found.”
Tony froze on the spot, his eyes wide.
Gemma choked on tears.
I should stop.
A small crowd had formed around us.
But I wasn’t done.
This wasn’t about me.
I knew I would be okay, eventually.
I knew I would continue fighting because I had something to fight for.
But what about all those victims who didn’t have a Gemma in their lives? What about the kids who went back to families only to be total strangers to their moms and dads? What about the ones who’d been eaten up so deeply by that horrendous fucking darkness that they’d never be happy, never be sane, always be on the fringes, broken beyond repair.
That was Jareth’s future.
And that was what made me rage.
He’d been broken decades ago, and after his bloodlust was sated—after he’d tracked down every person from Fables and murdered more men than I could count—then what?
What would he become?
Did he honestly think he could get a job, live in a suburb, and talk to strangers at the supermarket?
Fuck that.
His life was over, and he didn’t even know it.