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“Was it just me, or did Rhain seem really surprised by that request?” I asked after the doors had closed.
“We haven’t joined the others for many suppers,” he said. “And before you, I didn’t do so often.”
Sadly, the last part didn’t surprise me.
Ash plucked the hanger from my grasp and tossed the tunic onto the couch.
“I really don’t need that wrinkled.” I started toward it but didn’t make it very far. Ash snagged me by the waist and turned me back to him. “Rhain will be very displeased if that ends up wrinkled—”
“He’ll get over it.” He tugged me to his chest.
“I’m not so sure about that,” I protested, my gaze lifting to his. The heat in his molten-steel eyes sent fine tremors radiating through my limbs. I immediately stopped thinking about Rhain and the state of the tunic.
Clasping the back of my neck, Ash brought his mouth to mine. I was at once completely enraptured by how he kissed like a man starved and wasn’t aware of what he was up to until he lifted me. His tongue delved deep as he stepped onto the dais and carried me toward the table, setting me down on the edge. I tasted whiskey on his tongue as he deepened the kiss. His fingers traced the outline of my collarbone before moving slowly downward. His touch was electric, sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body.
He nipped my lower lip, then lifted his head from mine. “Why were you surprised that Erlina wanted to see you?”
I sighed. “Was I surprised enough that I projected?”
“You did.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “Why?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just not used to people wanting to see me,” I admitted, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “That sounds kind of pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“No, liessa, it doesn’t. You grew up not being known by many. Being surprised is understandable.” He drew his fingers down my cheek. “But you should probably start getting used to people wanting to see you.”
I honestly didn’t think I ever would, but I still said, “Yes, sir.”
Chuckling, he planted his hands on either side of my legs. “I noticed something today. You grew incredibly anxious as we rode past the Dying Woods. Did you feel something?”
It took me a moment to think back. I had been nervous, and I hadn’t been that affected before. I wasn’t sure why. Well, that wasn’t necessarily true.
I’d had a feeling.
One that made me think of the Shade I’d touched during my poorly thought-out plan to end Kolis. The creature had been nothing more than smoke and bone, but after a single touch, I’d seen organs and muscles form, almost as if I’d been restoring life to it.
Ash’s chin brushed the curve of my jaw. “Sera?”
“Sorry.” I started to tell him that nothing had disturbed me but stopped myself. Sharing thoughts was important, even the incoherent ones. “I was just thinking about that Shade I touched back when I was in the Dying Woods.”
“Back when you last held a dagger to my throat?”
“Was that the last time?” I asked wryly.
He chuckled. “You’re talking about the one that seemed to regenerate?”
“Yes.” I ran my fingers along his. “I was thinking about how powerful my touch was that it could bring back a Shade, even then. Who knows how long it had been dead?”
“Based on the state of it, I’d say quite some time.” He kissed my jaw. “Likely several decades, if not longer.”
“That’s…kind of creepy.”
“Just be careful when touching dead things.”
A grin tugged at my lips. “That’s possibly the strangest advice ever spoken.”
“Possibly.” Dipping his head, he kissed my cheek. “Is that what made you nervous when we rode past?”
Again, my immediate response was to shrug it off, so I took a moment to put my thoughts into words. “I could feel the essence swelling inside me as we rode past and thought I could see them following us through the trees. I think they may have felt my presence, and I was glad we weren’t going into the woods.” I tipped my head back against his chest. “Because I feared I…I worried I may do something I shouldn’t.”
“Like return life to them?”
Pressing my lips together, I nodded. “What if I still can’t control that?”
“But you have, liessa. More than once.”
“I know, but there have been times when I haven’t.” I thought about what Aios and I had discussed. “Do you know how often your father brought people back?”
Ash was silent for a few moments. “I know my father struggled with that. I also know he used the ability far more in the begi
“Even knowing that if he granted life—”
“Death is never cheated?” Ash finished. “Yes.” A moment or two passed. “As I’ve said, my father wasn’t perfect. Wanting to ease the pain of those suffering was only part of the reason. The act of granting life may have come from an altruistic place, but there were…personal benefits gained from such.”
“He enjoyed the worship it brought him?”
“Yes.” His lips grazed the corner of mine. “Once my father realized that he could not continue granting life as he was, he knew he couldn’t personally answer the summonses. That’s when gods began acting as the middle people between the summoners and the Primals. It started first with Eythos, and then the rest of the Primals followed suit.”
My brows knitted. “But you can still feel the summonses, right? Eythos had with King Roderick. And I know Kolis did.” I swallowed. “He heard my father’s summons.”
Ash slipped his hand from under mine and straightened in front of me. “What do you mean?”
I realized just then that I hadn’t told him about this. There hadn’t been much time to share things with him after we were finally free of Dalos. “The night I was born, my father knew what it would mean. He summoned Kolis, having no idea that Eythos had answered Roderick in the past.”
“Why did he…?” Ash cursed. “He wanted the deal undone.”
I nodded, my heart twisting for the man I’d never met. “He didn’t want that kind of future for his daughter.”
“What father would?” Ash stated, the respect evident in his voice. “If I were to have a child, I wouldn’t want them to live a life of no choice, one where their future was already determined for them.”
My stomach dipped again, this time solely due to the idea of Ash as a father. “You know what that means, right?”
“That Kolis always knew about you?” When I nodded, he sighed. “Yeah, I’m figuring that out.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because of everything you did to prevent Kolis from discovering me. What you’ve sacrificed.” Anger boiled, stoking the embers as I drew in a deep, calming breath. “It was for—”
“It wasn’t for nothing, Sera. I don’t regret a damn thing I did to keep you safe,” he said. “And it’s not something you ever need to apologize for.”
The calming breath did not help.
I placed my hands on the table. “How can you not be mad? You kept yourself away from me out of concern for Kolis taking notice of me. You had people watching me. Lathan died doing so.”
“I haven’t forgotten any of that.”
Eather pulsed hotly through me as I rocked back. “You made a deal with Veses to keep her from telling Kolis about me, and there was no reason for you to do so.”
Ash’s gaze locked with mine. “Nor have I forgotten what I’ve done, Sera.”
“Then why aren’t you furious?” My fingers pressed into the tabletop, and power vibrated along my skin. What I had experienced was nothing compared to what he’d had to go through with Veses. Essence crept into the corners of my vision, the violent energy seeping out. The chandelier creaked as it began to sway. “I am.”
“I never would’ve guessed that,” he replied dryly. “You should calm down.”
My chin dipped. “Hearing that makes me want to do the exact opposite.”
“My apologies,” he drawled, the essence flaring brightly behind his pupils.
I inhaled sharply, my eyes narrowing. “I’m choosing to ignore the lack of sincerity in your tone.”
“And I’m choosing not to let anger over something I ca
My fingers lifted from the table as a scorching, pulsating energy coursed through them. A hot, stinging power throbbed, and the very air itself seemed to cling to my skin and then contract as I stared down at Ash. “Then I choose to be angry for the both of us.”
“How about you choose not to levitate?”
“How about—what?”
“You’re levitating.” Full lips twitched. “As in, you’re rising into the air—”
“I know what levitating means.” I glanced down, and…yep, I was definitely doing that. My ass was no longer on the table. Like, not even remotely. My legs were straight, and I was several feet above Ash. The shock of seeing that dampened my anger, and I immediately started to drop with a yelp.
Ash caught my arms and lowered me to the table. “Steady.”
Looking up through strands of hair, I cursed. “I didn’t even realize I was doing that.”
“It happens,” he said, like floating into the air wasn’t a big deal. He curled his hand around the nape of my neck, bringing our faces together so we were only inches apart. “I don’t want you to be angry for both of us, Sera.”
“But Veses—”
“She’s not worth it.” His gaze caught and held mine. “Neither of us can change the past—undo the decisions we’ve made. I’m not saying it isn’t fucked up. It is,” he said, smoothing the hair back from my face. “But I refuse to allow anger over what is already done and over with to rot inside me.” His gaze searched mine. “The deal I made doesn’t matter.”
We’d have to disagree on that.
“Please tell me you understand,” he said.
I did…and I didn’t, because his lack of regret didn’t change the fact that he had forfeited his autonomy to keep me hidden from Kolis. Still, I nodded.
But what he’d said struck something in me. If he could move past what Veses had done to him, then why not do the same with Kolis?
As soon as that thought formed, I realized how shortsighted it was. Veses’ actions paled in comparison to Kolis’s.
Either way, Veses would pay for her role. That was another vow I made to myself.
“Anyway,” I said, quickly kissing him, “these summonses can be felt?”
Ash was quiet for a few heartbeats. “Not like before. Only the strongest and truest pleas reach us now.”
I frowned. “What does that even mean?”