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CHAPTER EIGHT
Standing in the center of the bedchamber, I smoothed my hands over the fitted black vest and simple, quarter-sleeve shirt of the same color I’d found in the pile of clothing by the wardrobe. After being forced to wear transparent gowns for weeks, I had immediately grabbed a pair of leggings. There were other tops in my size, too, one that reminded me of the style Ash and his guards wore, but it seemed too…fancy for right now.
A curl toppled forward as I looked down at myself. Gods, I was so happy to be wearing clothing of my choosing again. But as I stood there, it suddenly struck me why I hated the gowns Kolis forced me to wear.
Not having a real choice was a huge part of it, but it was also that they reminded me of my failed presentation as the Consort—the gown I’d been forced to wear when I was first taken to the Shadow Temple. It, too, had hidden absolutely nothing and put me and nearly every inch of my body on display.
How I hadn’t made the co
My stomach roiled so suddenly and sharply that I smacked my hand over my mouth out of fear that the breakfast Ash had scrounged up for us might come right back up. Closing my eyes, I waited for the wave of nausea to pass, half-afraid that it wouldn’t. But it did after a couple of minutes.
Gods. I needed to get a grip.
I blew out a long breath as I glanced over the bare walls and the scant pieces of furniture, still a little rattled by how vivid everything was. The space contained only the necessities: a long, tall wardrobe and several chests, the small, round table by the couch, and the new charcoal-gray armchair sitting near the bed. I’d heard Nektas’s voice when I was in stasis.
Was that where he’d sat?
Nektas was right last night, I thought as I took in the rumpled blankets, discarded clothing, and used di
But that was changing. And it would continue to change.
I turned to the doors. After eating, Ash went back downstairs to check on things. When he returned, it would be time to meet with the others and go over what Ash and I had discussed last night.
I swallowed, shifting from one foot to the other. I knew I didn’t have to wait for him to return. I could go downstairs now. I could go anywhere I wanted. Well, mostly. But given how my heart pounded, you would’ve thought a pit of forked-tongue vipers waited just beyond.
Feeling foolish—and not in a good way—I let my head fall back. I couldn’t believe that I was hiding in my bedchamber because the idea of facing anyone without Ash stressed me out. Especially not after everything I’d been through—all I’d done.
That didn’t mean Ash’s pep talk had gone into one ear and out the other. I just wasn’t getting a grip yet. I would before we met with the Shadowlands gods.
Thinking about that caused a small spike of anxiety as I turned. A thin line of light between the balcony door’s curtains caught my attention. I started toward them as I sensed the presence of another drawing near. A god but not…
A series of quiet knocks jerked my head toward the chamber doors. Knowing Ash wasn’t who I’d felt and that he wouldn’t do that when entering his own chambers, I hesitated as I wrapped my hand around the door handle.
“Sera?” A soft, muffled voice came from the hallway. “It’s Aios.”
Now, I understood what I had felt. Aios wasn’t just a goddess, nor was she a risen Primal. She was somewhere in between since I’d brought her back.
I yanked the door open, half-surprised that I didn’t tear it right off its hinges. Whatever I had been about to say vanished as I came face-to-face with the fiery, red-haired goddess. For a moment, I was struck speechless. The last time I’d seen her, she’d been so terribly wounded, drenched in blood, dead. And then…not dead. I knew she lived, but seeing her standing here, healthy and whole, sent a shudder of relief through me.
“Your eyes,” Aios rasped, her once-citrine and now pearly silver eyes widening as she stared at me. A hand flew to her throat—to the delicate silver chain Rhain had returned to her.
Swallowing, I tore my gaze from the necklace before everything that involved the piece of jewelry took center stage. “I assume they’re still silver and green?”
Aios blinked. “They…most definitely are.” Her stare lingered on mine for a fraction longer, and then she crossed the threshold, throwing her arms around me.
Unused to such a physical expression from anyone outside of Ash, I returned the embrace with stiff, awkward arms.
Gods, why did I have to be so damn weird?
“I’m sorry,” she said, her arms tightening around me. “I know I should greet you a certain way now, and I have this impression that you’re as fond of hugs as Bele, but I couldn’t help myself.”
“I can’t picture Bele hugging anything.” Inhaling the vanilla scent clinging to Aios’s hair, my arms finally relaxed. “Not even a cute, cuddly kitten.”
Her laugh was shaky as I closed my eyes and let myself soak in her embrace. Besides Nektas—and gods, Ector—Aios had been one of the few to warm up to me when I first arrived in the Shadowlands. I’d thought we might actually become friends, but when she learned that I’d originally believed I had to kill Ash to save my kingdom, she hadn’t been angry. No, it was worse. She had been saddened and disappointed. And, gods, I’d rather be on the receiving end of her anger than that. Her disappointment cut far deeper. So, this hug? It made all the awkwardness more than worth it.
“You saved my life,” Aios whispered hoarsely. “I wish there was something better than these two words, but…thank you.”
“Those two words aren’t even necessary.” My throat thickened as I thought about what I’d done. “I should be apologizing—”
“What?” Aios drew back, sliding her hands to mine. “Why would you think that?”
“When I brought you back, I did it without considering whether you wanted that. I don’t regret doing it,” I quickly added. “But I should’ve stopped and thought about it.”
“You did the right thing. Just like you did for Bele.”
“That was different. She died right before our eyes.” Not that Aios needed the reminder. “But you were…” I trailed off. I had no idea how much time had passed for Aios by the time I brought her back, and the idea that I could’ve ripped her away from peace had haunted the back of my mind ever since. “I didn’t know if your soul had passed on or not.”
“If it did, I don’t remember it,” she said. “And that doesn’t matter. I wasn’t ready to die. And I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, so yes, you did the right thing. And a thank you is necessary.” She squeezed my hands before letting go. “Okay?”
I couldn’t shake the feeling that her soul had crossed over to Arcadia, a realm of peace very much like the Vale, or had been in the process of doing so. But hearing her say what she had lessened that concern for me. Letting out a ragged breath, I nodded.
“Good.” Her glistening lashes fluttered as she cleared her throat. “I ran into Nyktos downstairs. He got sidetracked by Theon. He just returned from the Bonelands.”
The Bonelands was a stretch of uninhabited land between the mountainous Carcers and the Skotos Mountains where the mortals had fought alongside the gods and Primals against the Ancients. The draken believed it was sacred given the bones of the fallen that remained unseen but were still there. Theon had been stationed there with several ships and soldiers.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yes. Theon is only updating Nyktos. He’d been waiting, wanting to give you two some space and time,” she explained, clasping her hands at the waist of her deep forest-green gown. “I told Nyktos I would let you know, and he asked me to tell you he would be in his office for a bit.”
He was likely writing the names of the recently deceased—in blood—in the Book of the Dead.
And yeah, that still creeped me out.
“Are you up for company until he returns?” Aios asked.
“Of course. I’m glad you came by,” I said, and Aios’s smile widened. “I’ve been so worried about everyone. How you were after what happened, and with…” My breath caught, causing the essence to hum through me. “And with Orphine and Ector.”
“You’d think one would become used to such deaths after a while, especially being where we are.” Aios sat on the edge of the couch. “But it doesn’t get easier. Not even when we know, without a doubt, that it’s not like they cease to exist. We know they are at peace.”
“You’re right. It doesn’t make it easier.” Walking to the couch, I sat beside her. “I wish I could’ve gotten to Ector sooner and been there for Orphine, but…”
Aios’s heart-shaped face tilted to the side as she eyed me. “But what?”
But the list of those I’d brought back to life was adding up, starting with Marisol and ending with Aios. There was even a draken on that list.
Should I have brought any of them back?
Would I have done so with Ector and Orphine if given the chance? My immediate response was yes, but I knew that it wasn’t as simple as what I wanted. And it wasn’t my new, unca
“Sera?” Concern filled Aios’s voice.
“Sorry. I got a little lost in my thoughts.” I clasped my knees. “I was thinking about those I’ve restored life to and balance. How when there is life, there must be death. Like an exchange.”
Aios’s brows rose and then furrowed. “Are you saying that when you bring someone back to life…”
“Another dies,” I finished for her, thinking about my stepfather. When I’d brought Marisol back, the former King of Lasania had paid for it with his life.
Her face drained of blood. “Did someone else take my place?”
My eyes widened. “No. Gods, I’m sorry. I should’ve clarified. It only happens with mortals, not gods or draken.”
“Oh, thank the Fates.” Aios blinked rapidly as she looked away, her throat working on a swallow. “I wouldn’t know what to think if that were the case.” Her gaze found mine. “When you brought Gemma back, do you know who…?”
“Who paid for her life with theirs?” I continued. “I don’t. And I don’t want Gemma learning about this.”
Aios nodded slowly. “Agreed. She would likely blame herself.”
Marisol would, too, if she ever learned what’d happened. And, gods, that would be super complicated, considering it had been her wife’s father who had ended up in death’s grip.