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CHAPTER FOUR
Even though I knew Nektas would never lie about Ash’s well-being, I couldn’t rest until I saw it with my own eyes. I sat beside him as he slept, waiting for the spell to lift. The hours stretched on for what felt like an eternity, but eventually, the sky beyond the balcony doors lightened, blushing with soft hues of pink and lavender. The light of dawn seeped in, slipping over the stone floor. Gradually, the golden beams kissed the foot of the bed.
It happened so fast.
A blast of energy rolled off Ash, sending me scooting toward the edge of the bed as it blew my hair back from my face. The temperature in the chamber dropped. His eyes flew open, his irises pure, crackling silver. Thick, swirling shadows appeared beneath his thi
“Ash.” I scrambled onto my knees, reaching for him.
Our gazes locked as shadows raced across his chest. The look in his stare was wild, nearly feral. I wasn’t even sure he saw me.
I clasped his cool cheeks, shivering. The snarling growl raised the hairs on the nape of my neck, making my heart race. Tendrils of dark eather snapped at the air around us.
“It’s okay,” I told him. He went completely still. “I’m right here.”
A stuttered heartbeat passed, and then his mouth was on mine. The kiss was brutal, a clash of teeth and tongues. I could taste the panic and fury, feel the raw desperation in each agonized sweep of his tongue as his hands fisted my hair. He kissed me as if he sought to prove to himself that I was, indeed, with him. That I was okay.
I didn’t know the exact moment the urgency became one of physical need or when the terror and anger turned to lust, but I felt him lose his grip on restraint and sensed the moment he changed. I felt it.
His flesh hardened and cooled even more. Energy rippled from him, buzzing over my skin and stroking my essence. A jolt ran through me as I fell back on my rear, the hem of his shirt gathering at my hips. Through strands of tangled hair, I saw that his skin had thi
My heart thudded as I stared at him, recognizing the hard line of his jaw, his wide, expressive mouth, and the cut of his high cheekbones. But like when I’d awakened from stasis, he was shadow and smoke turned to stone, his flesh the color of midnight streaked with churning moonlight.
Air caught in my lungs as wispy tendrils of mist lifted behind him, spreading out from his upper shoulders and thickening, forming shadowy wings made of pure energy.
Tiny bumps erupted over my skin as our eyes locked. There was nothing human about the way he looked, how his chest barely moved, or his piercing stare as shadow-laced eather slipped to the bed.
I felt no fear, even as the essence strained against my skin. I looked up at a Primal of Death: beautiful, terrifying, and mine.
Remembering the warning he’d given me the last time he’d lost his restraint, I shivered with anticipation and red-hot desire. My blood heated, becoming a fire that filled my veins. My nipples beaded beneath the shirt. A throbbing heaviness slid down to center itself between my thighs.
Ash’s nostrils flared, and when I inhaled sharply, I caught the heightened citrusy scent of arousal.
There was no need for words. My breath was already coming out in short, shallow bursts as I leaned back and spread my thighs, offering myself to him. I shivered as the cool air kissed my heated, damp flesh.
Only a pinprick of his pupils was visible as his gaze lowered to what I offered. His stare was so heavy and intense that my breath caught once more, and my hips twitched.
Ash lifted his head, and a heartbeat passed before he struck with predatory grace. His weight pressed me to my back, and I caught a glimpse of his wings sweeping down and brushing the bed. A cry of pleasure tore from my lips as his cool length pressed into me. I stiffened, unaccustomed to his larger, Primal form as he filled and stretched me. The brief sting of pain faded as he seated himself deep inside me, causing my back to arch as I took him. Gods, he felt like he was everywhere. His presence inside me was almost overwhelming, nearly too much as I panted.
I slowly became aware of his stillness. His chest moved then, rising and falling rapidly against mine as he trembled.
Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. He tipped his chin down and stretched his neck from side to side. “Ash?” I whispered.
“I’m…” The hand by my head fisted, then his eather-filled wings flickered before collapsing in a shower of glittering sparks. “I just need a moment.” He shuddered, causing my toes to curl at the sensation. “I…I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
Eather pulsed from his eyes before he slammed them shut. “You don’t know that.”
I did.
I was always safe with him.
I watched him battle himself, and that hidden, darkly sinful part of me didn’t want him in control.
“Ash.” I slipped my hands over the smooth, cold planes of his cheeks as I lifted my hips. He groaned, and I thought of the wicked words he’d said when he last lost control. A wave of wanton desire flooded me. “Will you fuck my pussy?”
“Fucking gods,” he snarled, his hips jerking.
Then, he did.
And…gods. Ash fucked hard and fast, the force as savage as how his mouth moved over mine. I wrapped my legs around his hips, rising to meet him as my fingers tangled in the silky strands of his hair. We were frenzied as he drove into me, over and over, until I could no longer keep up with the wild rhythm. The sounds I made would surely turn my cheeks crimson later, but I couldn’t stop myself as I trembled beneath him. He moved faster, harder, working an arm beneath my head. Either his fangs or mine nicked my lip, and he growled, drawing the little drop of blood into his mouth as he thrust into me all the way. With no space between us, he ground his hips. There was no steady build-up to release. I felt his cock begin to spasm, and that pushed me to the edge and right over it. A storm of pleasure, almost violent in nature, swept through me, kicking my head back against his arm as I cried out his name.
I didn’t know how much time passed as we remained joined, our hearts slowing. But when Ash spoke, I knew he had complete control of himself.
“Sera?” he rasped.
“I’m here, and I’m okay.” I tilted my head to the side, seeking. His lips found mine. The kiss was gentle and sweet but no less shattering than the ones that’d come before.
Ash eased himself from me, but his body didn’t leave mine. Supporting his weight on one arm, he rested his forehead against mine. “Fates, Sera. I thought…”
He didn’t need to finish the sentence. I knew what he thought, what must have preyed on his mind as he slept, kept under the spell and driven to lose his hold on his mortal form.
“It wasn’t him,” I whispered.
Ash’s shudder of relief caused my heart to ache. Gods, I didn’t think it was possible to hate Kolis more than I already did, but I was wrong. I knew this would always be a fear until Kolis was dealt with.
For both of us.
I cleared my throat. “It was the riders.”
Ash lifted his head, and his brows rose. “What in the fuck?”
My lips twitched. “That about sums up my initial reaction.”
His fingers coasted over my cheek. “Tell me what happened.”
I did, sharing how I’d ended up in a cavern on the outskirts of the Abyss. Ash quietly listened as I explained how I’d had to prove myself worthy. His eyes narrowed as I described the three-headed beast. When I got to the Tavius portion, he went rigid.
“But it wasn’t really him,” I assured.
“No shit,” he growled. I arched a brow. “He’s a special case. I would know if he left where I last left him.” He paused. “In pieces.”
Pieces?
“How did—?” I stopped myself. “You know what? I don’t think I want to know.”
His smile was tight, toothless. “You sure about that?”
Actually? Yes. I ran my finger over the faint scar on his chin. “He was just a representation of me.”
“How in the fuck is he supposed to be a representation of anything of you?” Ash demanded, the eather whipping through his eyes.
“The part of me that…reacts violently when I feel like I don’t have control,” I admitted. It was hard to share when his lips thi
“Good,” Ash snarled, his eyes fierce. “What did I tell you before when it came to him?”
“Not to let him leave a mark.”
“Exactly.” He drew his thumb over my chin. “That hasn’t changed, whether it was really him or not.”
“I know.” I smiled for him. “At first, I thought he was the monster I needed to slay next. I was about to kill him until I realized that if I did, it would be a final death. I would’ve…”
“You believed you would’ve destroyed his soul,” Ash finished.
“I couldn’t do it.” My laugh was short and humorless. “It felt wrong. I dropped the sword, and he disappeared. That’s when I realized I was supposed to slay the monstrous part of me. The cold bit.”
His jaw flexed. “There is nothing cold about you.”
“But there is,” I insisted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I was born this way, if the embers did it, or if it was how I was raised and the choices I made because of that. But I told you before, Ash. I don’t feel things the same way you do.”
“Sera—”
“I know you must sense it, that part of my soul. There’s no way you haven’t. And you don’t have to lie. I don’t want you to because, gods, the fact that you must have always sensed it yet still accepted me makes me love you even more.” My gaze searched his. “I’m not like you. You carry those marks. Bear them. I don’t. Not really.”
“That’s not true. It’s not,” he insisted, lowering his chin so we were at eye level when I opened my mouth to protest. “Kolis is someone who doesn’t feel empathy or regret. Kyn doesn’t. Veses is another. Are you like them?”
I was nothing like Kyn or Kolis, but Veses… What had she said after she told me she’d leveled half her Court when Kolis brought Sotoria back?
Our violent reactions regarding the ones we love is something we have in common.
We did have that in common.
But that was the only thing.
“No,” I said. “I’m not like them.”
“Thank fuck you said that,” he replied. “You just carry those marks differently, Sera. The fact that we’re even having this conversation proves that.” His gaze found mine. “All of us, the good and the bad, are a little monstrous. I am no better than you.”