Kisscut

"Lacey turned up the radio in her room really loud," he said. "Mama let her. It's always been like that. She was always the favorite." He shook his head. "Lacey's sweet underneath, you know? Maybe she's spoiled, but she's sweet underneath. She has a good heart, just like Mama."

Lena waited, counting to twenty-five before Mark started speaking again.

"She came into my room a little later," he said. "I guess she knew I was still pissed off. Wanted to smooth things over. She was always like that, trying to make peace. I guess that's why so many people liked her, because she was good like that." A slight smile came to his lips, but he kept his eyes closed. "She just put her hand around the back of my neck, and then we started kissing for some reason. I mean, just kissing real deep for a long time."

Lena tried to remember what Jeffrey had said about not letting her personal feelings ruin a confession, but the thought of Mark Patterson kissing his baby sister made her stomach roll. She wanted to say something, to stop him so that she would not go through the rest of her life knowing this story, but she knew that she could not.

"I don't know how the rest of it happened," Mark said. "You know, we were kissing, and then she started rubbing me, and it felt so good." He looked at her, asking for her ap-proval. "I know it was wrong, okay? It just felt so good. I didn't want to stop."

Lena nodded, trying to control her expression. She doubted very seriously that Lacey Patterson had seduced her brother. Saying the victim had "asked for it" was a common theme among sexual predators.

"I can tell you don't understand," he said. "But you don't know what it's like. My dad is so fucking hard on me." He slammed his fist into his leg. "He just never lets up on me. Ever."

"I know," Lena told him, reaching out, making herself touch his arm. "I understand that part, Mark. I really do."

His expression softened, and he said, "I didn't make her do it."

"I believe you."

"She came on to me first," he said. "She was the one who came into my room. She was the one who started kissing me, who started touching me."

Lena nodded because that was all that she could do.

"She was so wet for me. I just…" He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, as if to bring back the memory. "It felt so right being inside of her. And she wanted me. I could tell she wanted me. The way she put her hand on the back of my neck, and pulled me closer to her, deeper."

Lena swallowed back bile.

"Touching her and being with her and inside of her," Mark said. "I just felt complete, you know? Like things were finally right." He put his hand over his eyes. "She was so good at it. I mean, where did she learn to be so damn good at it?"

He seemed to want an honest answer, but Lena could not give him one.

"I mean, I look at my dad," he said, shaking his head. "It's not like he knows anything."

Lena spoke without thinking. "Your dad was sleeping with her, too?"

"Well, duh," he said, as if she were stupid.

Lena put her hand to her stomach, thinking about poor Lacey Patterson, and what hell she must have been through.

She said, "Tell me about Je

Mark gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah, Je

"She seemed like a good friend."

"Yeah, well," he said, a bit of derision slipping into his tone. "She was a good friend until she caught us."

"Is that why she pointed the gun at you?"

"I guess part of it was that," he said. "Then, you know, maybe she just wanted it to stop. She said that a lot, that she just wanted it to stop."

"Was she jealous?"

He nodded slowly. "It hurt her to see it."

"She saw you together?"

He nodded again, the same slow movement. "We were in my bed, and she and Lacey came home from school."

Lena felt her heart stop midbeat. She opened her mouth to ask for a clarification, then closed it. She did not want to know. If she could have moved her body, she would have run from the room, covering her ears so that she could not hear any more. She couldn't move, though, and she sat motionless on the couch, watching Mark the way she would watch a car wreck.

"We were together, you know? I guess this was around Christmastime, right before they went on that stupid retreat." He threw his hand into the air. "Mama let me stay home from school. We had the whole day together." He smiled. "She lit some candles, and we took a long bath, and then we made love."

Lena was aware that she had stopped breathing.

"I guess we lost track of time," Mark said, giving a pitiful laugh. "Lacey and Je

Lena put her hand to her mouth to keep herself from speaking.

"Je

"Right," Lena managed.

"I know what you think, but she loved me, man. It felt so good to know that she loved me. It was like Lacey was always the favorite, but then she came to me, and I was the one. I was the one she loved most." Mark started to cry again. Before Lena knew what was happening, he had buried his face in her neck.

Lena forced the word, "Mark," out of her mouth, trying to push him away from her.

"Don't," he whispered, and his wet lips against her flesh made her want to vomit.

"Mark, no," she said. When he didn't move, Lena pushed him away as hard as she could. "Get away from me!" she yelled.

From the way he was looking at her, she imagined that every ounce of disgust she was feeling was written all over her face.

"Mark-"

"Bitch," he said, standing. "You fucking bitch!"

"Mark-"

The door popped open, and Brad stood there, his hand on the butt of his gun. Lena motioned him back as Mark stepped toward her.

Mark said, "I thought you would understand."

"I do," she told him, feeling panicked. "I do understand, Mark."

"Fucking bitch," he hissed. "You don't understand shit."

"Mark-"

He closed the distance between them in two steps, grabbing her hand and holding it up between them. "I thought you understood," he said, and she knew he meant her scars. "I thought you knew because you'd been there, man. You know what it's like. I know you do. You just won't fucking admit it because you're a coward."

Lena opened her mouth, but could not speak.

"Hey," Brad said, taking Mark's arm.

"Get away from me, faggot," Mark screamed, yanking his arm out of Brad's grasp. He pointed an accusatory finger at Lena, saying through clenched teeth, "You tricked me. You're all alike, goddamn it. She was right. You're all so weak. You never do the right thing."

Lena cleared her throat, trying, "Mark-"

Mark walked toward the hallway, his footsteps so heavy that the trailer shook.

"What the heck was that about?" Brad asked, his hand still resting on his gun.

Lena shook her head, unable to speak for just a moment.

"Are you okay?" Brad asked, going to the couch. He put his hand on her arm and she did not pull away.

"I can't believe…" Lena began, not knowing exactly what to say.

Brad sat beside her, taking her hand. " Lena?" he asked, patting her hand. "Talk to me."

She shook her head, taking back her hand. "He's just a kid," she said.

"A nasty kid," Brad told her. "Sometimes I wonder how they can get that way. When I was his age, I barely even knew what sex was. I thought a good time on a date was getting a kiss at the end."

Lena nodded, zoning out as he talked about his idyllic teen years.

"I just wonder," Brad said. "What makes them like that? What's changed?"

"Their parents," Lena said, but she knew that wasn't right. She pushed her hair back behind her ear, trying to suppress the shock she was still feeling. She looked at her watch, wondering if she should go get Mark. He had been gone a while.