Binding 13

A boy had never called me beautiful before.

Not like this.

Not with such forwardness.

Not with such sincerity.

Joh

He cleared his throat then, looking slightly uncomfortable, and for a moment I thought he was about to take the compliment back, but then he steeled his features, tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and whispered, "Inside and out."

Those extra words did the trick.

Those extra words ruined me.

I could feel my body tremble as I turned my gaze to his, locking eyes.

"I am?"

He nodded slowly. "Everywhere."

Oh, god.

My heart.

I couldn’t handle this.

I couldn’t cope with him…

Panicked and uncertain by my feelings, I quickly hurried on, "We're on a level playing field now. I know your secrets and now you know mine, so you can rest assured that I won't be a

"Yeah, I guess we are," Joh

I shrugged.

Joh

"I was trying to make you feel safe," I blurted out.

"You want to make me feel safe?" The expression on Joh

"Because you're freaked out about me knowing about your, uh, your –" I pointed to his crotch, cheeks flaming, and then blew out a breath, "It's clearly upsetting you, and I wanted to make you feel better. I wanted to give you that so you don’t feel cornered."

"I don’t get it." Joh

"Maybe you were right about me trusting you despite myself," I whispered, feeling a flood of heat and ice collide inside of my chest.

His brows shot up. "So, you do trust me."

The shrug I gave him was a helpless one because that's exactly how I felt in this moment: disarmed and utterly helpless.

"Words, Sha

"What do you want me to say?" I croaked out.

"Tell me why you trust me."

"Because when I'm with you, I feel..."

"You feel?"

"Safe, okay?" I strangled out. "When you're around, I feel safe."

"Because you are," Joh

I exhaled a ragged breath and ducked my face, desperate to hide how deeply those words affected me.

"Sha

I shook my head, refusing his request.

I couldn’t.

It was too much.

He was far too much.

"Look at me," he repeated, tone soft and coaxing.

When I made no move to oblige, Joh

"You. Are. Safe," he stated, enunciating every word with aching slowness, as he trailed the pad of his thumb across my chin. "Whatever happened to you in your old school," he said, pushing through the barriers once more. "It won't follow you to Tommen." With blue eyes burning bright with sincerity and determination, he added, "I won't let anything bad happen to you here." He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled a pained sigh. "And if you just tell me where else I need to keep you safe, I'll do that, too."

"Why?" It was one word that was loaded with so many unspoken thoughts and notions, but it was all I could come up with.

Joh

"Why?"

"I just do." He shrugged helplessly. "I can't help it."

"It's been you, hasn’t it?" I whispered. "You're the reason no one gave me hassle over the pitch incident? You've been protecting me?"

He stared warily at me but didn’t respond.

"Come on, Joh

"I told you that day outside Twomey's office that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you," he finally admitted.

Yeah, he did.

He promised.

And he kept it…

"Well, thanks for caring," I breathed.

"Thanks for being worth it," Joh

Shivering from the contact, I leaned into his touch, seeking more.

I was trying so hard to control myself, but it was virtually impossible to do when he had his hands on my body.

I wanted to crawl onto his lap and I wanted to run far away from him all at once.

It didn’t make sense to me.

I was incredibly confused.

My feelings were terrifying me.

His words.

His eyes.

His actions.

He was throwing me.

I was losing myself.

"How are the lovebirds?" a familiar voice boomed close to my ear.

Startled, I looked over Joh

"Hey, little Sha

Oh, god.

Mortified, I quickly scrambled backwards, breaking the contact.

Joh

"That depends," Gibsie replied nonchalantly.

"On what?" Joh

"On whether or not you still want me to remind you of that thing you asked me to remind you about?"

"Thing?" Joh

"Lines and bulldozers, my friend," Gibsie shot back with a meaningful look.

I had no clue as to what Gibsie was referring to, however it was clear that Joh

"You're welcome," Gibsie replied, patting Joh

"What was that about?" I asked when we were relatively alone again.

"Hmm?" Joh

He kept turning back to look at his friend.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm grand." He cast a quick glance to me and then turned back to mouth something else to Gibsie.

I couldn’t quite figure out what they were saying to each other.

They seemed to be communicating through body language – although it was fairly easy to figure out what Joh

Shaking my head, I gave up on trying to crack the code of their unspoken conversation and turned my attention to Joh

Slipping the headphones on my ears, I carefully scrolled through his playlists and almost had a heart attack when my eyes landed on the one named Songs for Sha