Binding 13

"I wasn’t with him," I choked out, the fear of having my eyes scratched out by a sixth year making my stomach churn violently. It wouldn’t be the first time, and I still had a faint scar on my right eyelid to prove it. "I swear."

"Sha

"I wouldn’t be so sure about that," Helen piped up, looking worried. "Bella can be a right bitch when she wants to be."

"Oh yeah?" Claire shot back, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Well, so can I."

"Wh-what?" I whispered, feeling like my stomach was about to fall out of my butt. "But I wasn’t... I'm not…I didn’t do anything –"

The sound of the school bell beeping filled my ears, interrupting me, and instead of trying to explain my way out of this messed up conversation, I grabbed my gear bag and bolted for the door.

"Sha

I didn’t wait.

Instead, I ran at top speed out of the P.E hall, pushing past the lads coming out of the boys’ changing room and stumbling down the steps in my attempt to get as far away from potential confrontation as possible.

I couldn’t take this.

Not today.

I couldn’t take another argument.

Not with my parents, or Bella Wilkinson, or anyone else.

I just couldn’t do it.

It was too much.

I made it to the laneway leading out of the school, feet still pounding against the concrete, when the heel of my shoe got wedged in a crack in the middle of the road and almost caused me to fall head-first onto the wet asphalt.

Thankfully, I managed to right myself in time to save myself from another concussion.

Aware that several students were openly watching my mini-meltdown, I slowed to a brisk walk.

Hobbling over to the footpath, I waited for a large crowd of boys to pass before falling into step several feet behind them.

Jesus.

Were Helen and Shelly right?

Was Bella going to come after me?

Because Joh

Oh god my heart, my poor, frazzled heart was battering my ribcage.

My stomach was rolling.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

No, rephrase that to I was going to be sick.

Climbing over the low fence that separated the path from a wooded area, I ran into the bushes, dropped my bag on the wet grass, ducked behind the nearest tree, and vomited violently.

There was very little in my stomach, but the apple I'd eaten earlier came up in glorious fashion.

Shuddering in revulsion, I remained in a crouched position, inhaling several calming breaths, while I attempted to calm myself down.

My entire body was trembling violently, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the rain pelting down on me or the sheer terror in my heart.

I suspected both.

Several minutes later, when I was sure I could move again, I stood up gingerly and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Pressing a hand to my stomach, I exhaled a ragged breath and looked around.

Thankfully, I had managed to position myself out of sight from the lane.

This time.

I reached into my schoolbag for my water bottle only to realize that, in my haste, I had grabbed the wrong bag.

My school bag was back in the P.E hall.

"Crap," I croaked out.

Shoulders sagging, I slung my gear bag onto my back and made my way back to the road.

I didn’t bother ru

I was all out of energy.

I was all out of everything.

If Bella wanted to hurt me, then no amount of ru

She would find a way.

They always did.

The worrisome thing was I didn’t know what she looked like.

I didn’t know who to watch out for.

Everyone, my brain insisted. Trust nobody.

With the rain pouring down on me, seeping through my clothes, I walked slowly back to the P.E hall with my head down and my flight-mode deactivated.

There was a steady stream of fast flowing water ru

Unlike earlier when I had been ru

God, if it didn’t stop raining soon, the town would be put under flood alert.

It wasn’t an uncommon thing for Cork in the winter and sometimes early spring.

Hell, it could even flood in the summer in Cork.

Without the protection of the coat I had left in my locker, my clothes were soaked right through.

My feet were wet, my socks drenched from scurrying around trying to find a spot in the woods to vomit. The sensation of my wet uniform clinging to my equally wet skin made me feel both icky and cold.

Everyone was gone when I eventually returned to the hall, the earlier noise and bustle from my classmates noticeably absent.

Grateful for the temporary shelter from the monsoon outside, I went straight for the girls’ changing rooms and breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted my schoolbag on the bench where I had left it.

I was still getting used to my things not being touched in this school.

I walked over to my bag and picked it up, only to notice a torn-out page from a copybook flutter to the floor.

I ignored it.

Soaked to the skin, I grabbed my emergency pouch, trudged into the bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth, gagging when the brush poked the back of my throat.

When I was finished cleaning my mouth, I rinsed off the toothbrush and tucked it back inside the small zip lock bag with the paste and walked back to my get my bag.

Checking my watch, I noted that it was 4:25.

Aside from my shorts and jersey and a clean pair of underwear, something I always carried, I didn’t have a spare change of clothes at school, so I would have to suffer on until I got home.

My bus wasn’t for another hour but I knew I would much rather wait at the bus stop for it to arrive than risk bumping into Bella inside the school.

Even though I didn’t know what Bella looked like, I wasn’t prepared to put myself through that level of worry.

Not even for my coat that was still in my locker.

The rain was worth my peace of mind.

Tucking my emergency pouch back into the front pocket of my schoolbag, I hoisted it onto my back and settled the straps of my bag on my shoulders, before reaching for the note.

Shan,

I should’ve kept my fat gob shut. I really didn’t mean to upset you. I thought we were all joking around and I got caught up in the banter. Sometimes, I forget about all the horrible things those girls did to you. It's hard because you seem so happy here… and different? Different in a good way.

And don’t take any notice of Shelly and Helen. They are complete drama-whores. Bella won't lay a finger on you. I promise.

Anyway, I'm really sorry and please text me when you get home.

Love Claire. x.x.x

I read the note three more times before stuffing it into the pocket of my skirt. Then I tucked my gear bag under the bench next to Claire's before leaving the changing room.

I wasn’t mad at Claire.

Their banter was perfectly normal.

It was my reaction to the banter that I was mad about.

My constant overreaction to everything.

I needed to work on myself.

I needed to stop being scared all the time.