Maskerade

'You recall young Agnes Nitt?' said Na

Gra

'Agnes who calls herself Perditax?'

'Perdita X,' said Na

Gra

'You remember we once talked about maybe how possibly she might be... suitable.'

'Oh, there's a twist in the soul there, you're right,' said Gra

'Her father's name was Terminal,' said Na

'I meant Agnes,' said Gra

'Prob'ly that's why she called herself Perdita,' said Na

'Worse.'

'Got her fixed in your mind?' said Na

'Yes, I suppose so.'

'Good. Now look at them tea‑leaves.'

Gra

There was no particular drama, perhaps because of the way Na

'Well, now. There's a thing,' she said.

'See it? See it?'

'Yep.,

'Like...a skull?'

'Yep.'

'And them eyes? I nearly pi‑ I was pretty damn' surprised by them eyes, I can tell you.'

Gra

'Her main showed me her letters home,' said Na

'Tea‑leaves can't tell the future,' said Gra

'Tea‑leaves don't know.'

'Well, who'd be so daft as to tell anything to a bunch of dried leaves?'

Na

Dear Mam, I hope this finds you as it leaves me. Here I am in Ankh‑Morpork and everything is all right, I have not been ravished yet!! I am staying at 4 Treacle Mine Road, it is alright and...

Gra

Dear Mum, I hope you are well. Everything is fine but, the money runs away like water here. I am doing some singing in taverns but I am not making much so I went to see the Guild of Seamstresses about getting a sewing job and I took along some stitching to show them and you'd be AMAZED, that's all I can say...

And another...

Dear Mother, Some good news at last. Next week they're holding auditions at the Opera House...

'What's opera?' said Gra

'Hah! Theatre,' said Gra

'Our Nev told me about it. It's all singing in foreign languages, he said. He couldn't understand any of it.'

Gra

'Yes, but your Nev can't understand a lot of things. What was he doing at this opera theatre, anyway?'

'Nicking the lead off the roof.' Na

'Can't tell much from the letters, except that's she's picking up an education,' said Gra

There was a hesitant knock on the door. It was Shawn Ogg, Na

He touched his helmet respectfully at Gra

'Got a lot of letters, mum,' he said to Na

Na

' "The Lancre Witch",' she said aloud.

'That'd be me, then,' said Gra

'Ah. Well, I'd better be going...' said Na

'Can't imagine why peopled be writing to me,' said Gra

' "Dear Witch," ' she read, ' "I would just like to say how much I appreciated the Famous Carrot and Oyster Pie recipe. My husband–" '

Na

'Gytha Ogg, you come back here right now!'

Agnes tried again. She didn't really know anyone in Ankh-­Morpork and she did need someone to talk to, even if they didn't listen.

'I suppose mainly I came because of the witches,' she said.

Christine turned, her eyes wide with fascination. So was her mouth. It was like looking at a rather pretty bowling ball.

'Witches?!' she breathed.

'Oh, yes,' said Agnes wearily. Yes. People were always fascinated by the idea of witches. They should try living around them, she thought.

'Do they do spells and ride around on broomsticks?!'

'Oh, yes.'

'No wonder you ran away!'

'What? Oh... no... it's not like that. I mean, they're not bad. It's much... worse than that.'

'Worse than bad?!'

'They think they know what's best for everybody.'

Christine's forehead wrinkled, as it tended to when she was contemplating a problem more complex than 'What is your name?'

'That doesn't sound very ba–'

'They... mess people around. They think that just because they're right that's the same as good! It's not even as though they do any real magic. It's all fooling people and being clever! They think they can do what they like!'

The force of the words knocked even Christine back. 'Oh, dear!! Did they want you to do something?!'

'They want me to be something. But I'm not going to!'

Christine stared at her. And then, automatically, forgot everything she'd just heard.

'Come on,' she said, 'let's have a look around!!'

Na

Gra

'Thing is,' Na

'You done a book,' said Gra

'Only cookery,' said Na

'What do you know about it? You hardly ever do any cooking,' said Gra

'I do specialities,' said Na

Gra

' "The Joye of Snacks," ' she read out loud. ' "Bye A Lancre Witch." Hah! Why dint you put your own name on it, eh? Books've got to have a name on 'em so's everyone knows who's guilty.'