Phules Paradise

"Of all the possible outcomes of this debacle," Battleax continued, shaking her head, "the one thing I never thought I'd see was Maxine Pruet presenting you with a unit commendation-on stellarwide network, no less-with the gratitude of the Lorelei Casino Owners Association for successfully preventing organized crime from taking over the Fat Chance Casino!"

She let out a sudden bark of laughter, nearly spilling her drink.

"I thought she handled it rather well ... all things considered," Phule said, gri

"True," the colonel said. "Of course, the way she glossed things over with half-truths and distortions, there might be a bigger future for her as a popular-fiction, writer. I had trouble sorting out exactly what happened, and I was there-for most of it, anyway."

"Just one thing puzzles me, Captain," Armstrong said from his seat on the sofa. "What was that bit she was saying about welcoming you to the Casino Owners Association?"

The company commander made a face, then took another sip of brandy before answering.

"I was going to sit on this for a while," he said, "but we might be stuck with part ownership of the Fat Chance for a while."

The lieutenant frowned. "How so? I thought our share was going back to Rafael once he paid off the loan."

"That's the problem," Phule said. "I had a meeting with Gunther earlier today, and it seems he might not be able to pay off the loan."

"Why not?" Battleax demanded. "I thought you and your hard cases pretty much eliminated the cheats that were going to bleed off the profits."

"We did," Phule said. "The trouble is, there wasn't that much profit to start with. Gunther's big plan was to draw customers by giving better odds that the other casinos on Lorelei. Unfortunately the odds he gave were so favorable to the guests that his profit margin was next to nothing. The reason I haven't said anything is that I'm still trying to makeup my mind as to where to go from here. Do we give him an extension of the loan, or do we go ahead and accumulate forty-nine percent of the ownership?"

"Something you might want to consider, Captain," the colonel said, staring into her glass as she twirled it between her hands. "Mr. Rafael may not want to buy back your shares. I can see certain advantages to him in keeping you as a silent partner, with a vested interest in the continued success of the Fat Chance."

"It's fu

"By the way, where is Beeker?" Rembrandt said, peering around the room as if expecting to discover the butler hiding behind the furniture. "I'd like to buy him a drink sometime now that things have eased up a little."

"He has the night off," Phule said. "In fact, I believe he has a date."

"You mean with the Ice Bitch again?" Rembrandt scowled. "I don't know why you don't try harder to discourage that, Captain. That woman gives me the creepy-crawlies."

"I figure who Beeker sees is his own business," the commander said. "Since you asked, though, I believe he's seeing Dee Dee Watkins tonight."

"Now, there's a mismatch," the lieutenant growled, refilling her glass.

"You see something wrong with a starlet showing interest in a lowly butler?" Phule said, his voice chilling slightly.

"No ... I mean I don't know what he sees in her."

"I do," Armstrong smirked.

Rembrandt stuck her tongue out at him.

"Speaking of Ms. Watkins," Armstrong said, "there is a situation that's come up that you should be aware of, Captain."

"Now what?"

"Well, sir"-Armstrong sneaked a wink at Rembrandt, who gri

The commander frowned. "Why?"

"Well, aside from the fact that you have more experience dealing with money people, there's the fact that-"

"No," Phule interrupted. "I meant why tell them that there's no movie?"

"Sir?"

"Why not just form a film company and make the movie? Between the backers and the distributors, you already have the main necessary ingredient: money. If anything, it sounds like it might be a worthwhile investment for the company fund."

"But we don't know anything about making movies!" Armstrong protested.

"So hire people that do to run it for us," the commander said. "People like ... say, actors and stuntmen? Maybe even a cameraman? I'll bet that any aspect of the industry they can't cover, they'll know someone who can."

"My God!" Battleax said, starting to giggle uncontrollably. "That's so outrageous, it just might work!"

"No reason why it shouldn't," Phule said. "It's got a lot more going for it than most of the companies I bought or founded when I was first starting out. Heck; we even have Dee Dee Watkins signed to a multiple-movie contract."

"She's going to scream bloody murder when she finds out," Rembrandt said. "Can I be the one to tell her, Captain? Please?"

"First, let me review the contract with Lex," the commander insisted. "I think we're going to have to renegotiate it with fairer terms. It doesn't really pay in the long run to have your contract help sullen and bitter because they think they're being exploited."

"Oh, that's no fun!" Rembrandt said, dropping into a mock sulk.

Phule gri

"Thank you, sir!" The lieutenant beamed, and blew him a kiss, to boot.

"You know, Captain Jester," Battleax said, "the more I hear about this, the more I find myself thinking about investing some of my own money in it, if there's still openings for new backers. Perhaps we can discuss it over di

"A few other things like what, Colonel?" Phule said warily.

Battleax hesitated, glanced at the lieutenants, then shrugged.

"I suppose there's no harm in at least mentioning this in the current company." She smiled. "After seeing your junior officers in action, I think it's time we discussed their next promotion. If you agree with me, I think they're just about ready for commands of their own."

Startled by this unexpected turn in the conversation, the lieutenants exchanged glances.

"I ... That really isn't necessary, Colonel," Rembrandt stammered. "I can't speak for Lieutenant Armstrong, but I'm quite happy right where I am."