Class Dis-Mythed

I crossed my arms. "You impede our progress, my lord," I replied solemnly.

"You block our horses!"

"Surely mere animals do not take precedence over persons of quality," I admonished him as if he was a small child. "Turn aside, my lord. Give us room."

"We do not turn aside for anyone," Lord Peshtigo growled. "Move, or we run you down."

"I don't think you want to do that," I said, shaking my head. "The consequences may be more than you anticipate. Save yourselves the trouble."

"You are in our way! Move, or die!" Peshtigo bellowed.

"You want us to tear his head off?" Freezia asked, showing her teeth. She had completely forgotten about her disguise.

The horsemen gasped at her, then all of them drew their swords.

"Nay." Wearing my most bored expression, I made a pass with one hand. The sword flew out of Lord Peshtigo's hand. I kept the momentum going, so the gleaming blade twirled point over hilt, ending up with its length buried halfway into the mud at the edge of the road. It stuck there, quivering. His lordship's face turned scarlet then white.

When he spoke, his voice had gone up a few registers. "Lord—lord magician, I fear you have the advantage of me."

"I hope so," I said, allowing my hollowed cheekbones to lift in a wintry smile.

"I had no idea of your pow—I give you good day, gentlefolk," he said quickly, gesturing his fellows to make way for us. Not daring to demur, they all pulled their steeds off onto the muddy verge, where the horses' hooves promptly sank past their fetlocks. I nodded slightly and tilted my head toward the disguised Pervects to follow me. We made our way single-file past the snorting, white-eyed stallions.

As we passed, I threw up a hand. The sword flew up out of the mud and arrowed, point first, for Lord Peshtigo's scabbard. It clashed into place. The other men hastily sheathed their own weapons, just in case I was thinking of doing it for them.

"Good day, gentlemen," I said, in lugubrious tones.

"G-good day, Lord Magician!"

The moment we were past, they whipped up their horses and thudded off down the road.

%

"That was awesome!" Freezia exclaimed.

I waited until I was certain that the horsemen had really gone, then I turned to her, holding an air of nonchalance like a shield. "That seemed awesome to you, did it?"

She turned wondering eyes at me. "Oh, yes! I mean, you just used a little levitation spell, but wow! It really impressed them!"

"Did it ever occur to you," I began dangerously, "that I could have gotten us past them without using any magik?"

"Could you?" she asked. "Why didn't you, then?"

"Because," I said, "while I was begi

"Well, couldn't you deal with them, too?" Pologne asked. "You took care of these."

"That's because we had the element of surprise," I said, trying to keep my temper. "We won't have that next time."

"We could take off our disguises," Jinetta said. "That'd surprise them. And we can knock most of them out using magik. We play demon-volleyball. I can hit an opponent at over a hundred paces with a fireball."

I sighed. "And that would just increase the size of the mob after us. Look, you want practical instruction? Most Klahds are afraid of magik, power and anyone who doesn't look like them. The force lines around here are fairly weak, except for places like the i

"Yes, Skeeve," they chorused.

As I stumped down the road, I wondered why they didn't already know about being stingy, with magik or anything else. They were Pervects, after all.

Chapter Four

"Would you do a favor for an old friend?"

"Skeeve!"

Massha flew forward to envelop me in a hug. When Massha hugs you, you know it. If I was to describe her as large, you'd know I was understating the situation by a factor of six or seven. Massha wasn't ashamed of being a well-rounded woman; far from it. She wore gaudy clothes and tons of jewelery which could not help but draw the eye to her shape. She also tended to dye her hair a vivid orange, and favored lipstick to match. Since becoming Lady Magician to the Court of Possiltum, Queen Hemlock presiding, and marrying the ex-general of its army, Massha had actually toned down the shock value, but the package was still an impressive one. She was one of my best and most trusted friends, so it didn't take her long to guess that I had something on my mind.

"So, what brings you out of your self-imposed exile, Hot Stuff?" she asked, directing me and my party to cushiony divans that took up most of the spare living space in her and Hugh Badaxe's cosy love nest. The cottage, occupying a corner of the courtyard in the center of the castle environs, actually had fewer square feet than the Court Magician's apartments itself, but with no shared walls to the rest of the castle it had the benefit of privacy. She pointed a finger at a drinks tray on a small table in the corner. The tray lifted itself into the air and settled on the fussily-carved wooden table at the center of the room. The stopper rose from the neck of the handsomely cut crystal bottle, which upended and poured amber liquid into five crystal glasses. Massha only let magik take it so far; she went over to pass the drinks around herself. "Bu

I accepted a glass. "She's fine. She wanted me to ask you when you were getting on the Crystal Ball Network."

Massha waved a hand. "I don't have time for remote entertainment, honey. We've got an invitational tournament coming up next month, and Hemlock wants me to put on a big show. You know," she added, waving a hand. Six miniature golden dragonets flew out of her fingertips carrying ba

I chuckled.

"But aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" She fluttered her lashes madly at the handsome young Klahd in gartered tights who struggled to keep his tunic from rising up to his waist in the thick velvet cushions.

"Save it, toots," Jinetta snapped, momentarily distracted from her hemline. "You're not my type."

Massha goggled then rose into the air, her face red with embarrassment. "I don't know where you came from, buddy, but around here you call me Lady Magician or ma'am!"

"It's not what you think," I said hastily, leaping up. "Girls, drop the disguises."

"Girls?" Massha echoed.

With a couple of whisks, the illusions faded, leaving three business-suited Pervects glaring at Massha.

"No wonder!" Massha said. Instantly, she went to a pair of cupboard doors in the wall and took out three huge steins and a gallon jug of liquor. "Let me offer you something more to your capacity, ladies. Here." She exchanged the delicate little crystal tumblers for more substantial servings of liquor.

"Thanks," Freezia said, raising the big glass to her lips. "Down the hatch!" She gulped her drink and held out the stein for more.

"So, what are you three doing in Possiltum?" Massha asked as she poured. The three Pervects glanced at one another uneasily.