Class Dis-Mythed

I'd been living back in the old i

I had really enjoyed it. Then I had begun to think about my situation. I had been promoted far above my skill level. The time had not yet come when someone called me on it, but I kept waiting for that knock on the door, the one that would herald the coming of a dark, hooded cosmic being who would point a sepulcheral finger at me and proclaim, "You're a phony!" Then Ogres with moving carts would strip everything out of the offices, and I'd be evicted onto the street with my simple belongings wrapped in a handkerchief, while everyone I had ever met laughed at my humble retreat.

All right, maybe I didn't fear exposure, shame and dismissal. I'd been pretty straightforward with my friends and associates about my lack of experience and formal training and understanding of magik, and they had risen to the occasion, stepping in to help me when I couldn't do the job myself. They all had expertise in very different fields, had lived fascinating lives and handled situations I had never dreamed of facing. The person it bothered more than anyone else was me. I stepped away at the optimum time, to give myself a chance to catch up with my position in life, so that when I came back— if I came back-—I'd be a worthy associate to my friends.

I had my mission: to turn myself into the wizard that matched the hype. The old i

As if on cue, a knock came at the door.

"Quick, Skeeve," Bu

I whisked a hand toward the tiny device. The crowd of declaiming actors vanished, and the room fell silent.

Mostly silent. My pet dragon, Gleep, had heard the rapping, and came hurtling into the room.

"Gleep!" he exclaimed.

"Shh!" I said.

I listened carefully. I could hear youthful-sounding female voices just outside the big main door.

"Girls," Bu

"See what you think of this illusion," I said. "I saw an illustration in a scroll, and I came up with a really scary variation."

Closing my eyes I superimposed the craggy, blue-tinged face of an ancient hag over Bu

"Yuck."

I gri

"Gleep!" my pet protested.

"You, too," I whispered. With another moment of concentration, Gleep became a terrible giant bug, a cross between a cockroach and a firefly. My pet gallumphed happily toward the door. I hope he wouldn't scare them too much. I would hate to be responsible for causing nightmares, when all I wanted was my privacy.

Then, the door swung open.

The last thing I had to worry about was that the three girls on the doorstep might be afraid of blue-ski

They regarded Bu

The smallest one pointed a thumb over her shoulder. "They said in that little hovel down the road that the Great Skeeve lives here."

"Who wants to know?" Bu

"We do," the tallest one replied. "This is Freezia and Pologne. I'm Jinetta. He knows my great-aunt, Vergetta. Can we see him?"

My ears perked up at the name of one of my recent acquaintances. I hurried to the door.

"Hi," I greeted them, holding out a hand to each one. "I'm Skeeve. What can I do for you?"

Pologne glared at me. "You're Skeeve?"

"That's me," I said.

My admission seemed to spark the expressions of horror that my illusion spells had not.

"This?" Freezia demanded of Jinetta. "This is the Great Skeeve your aunt was so impressed by? This ski

"No, no, I really am Skeeve," I protested. I glanced past them to see if any of the locals were in sight. "Come on in."

I got the door closed behind them just in time to keep the argument from scaring every woodland creature for miles.

"You've got to be kidding!" Freezia shrieked.

"I told you he was a Klahd!" Jinetta said.

"Yeah, but he's a baby!" Pologne said. "We came all this way, wasting more time which we do NOT have, and what do we get? A kid! Barely out of swaddling clothes."

"A baby!" Freezia agreed.

"Er," I said, seeing the glee on Bu

"Yeah, but you don't look like the guru of magik, either," Jinetta explained, sheepishly. "No offense."

"None taken," I replied. I blinked. "Guru of what?"

"Magik," Freezia snapped out. "We need a magik tutor. Now. Today."

"ME???!!!???"

Jinetta nodded. "My aunt assured me that you were the slickest operator she'd ever met, someone who can get a job done with no wasted effort. And your business manager gave us a big buildup, too."

"His what?" Bu

"Business manager. Aahz. He said you were hot stuff. Just what we were hoping for."

"Aahz did?" I asked, now thoroughly puzzled. I knew Aahz's opinion of my skills. He'd told me enough times that if, magik were wind, I couldn't produce an audible poof.

"And Aahz told you I was the one you wanted?"

"Here," Jinetta said impatiently. She opened her buttermilk-yellow briefcase and rooted around with it. She came up with two rolls of parchment, one a long screed in ornate and difficult script asking me for a little favor, to help out her niece and her friends, signed by Vergetta. The other was a note scrawled by Aahz on the back of an old shopping list:

"Nice girls. They need some polishing up. Thought you could handle it. Aahz…"

"Well," I breathed. I felt honored that my ex-partner had so much faith in me. Bu

"Well," I asked the three, clapping my hands together, "what do you need to learn? I, er, could get you started on some basic magik."

Pologna snorted and threw up her hands. "I told you he was strictly amateur hour!"