Phule's Company

Colonel Battleax was one of those rare cases where her chosen name and nickname were in accord. She was a drab, horse-faced woman with piercing eyes that left respect, caution, and no small amount of fear in their wake, and the prim no-nonsense cut of her uniform added an implied note of disapproval for those Legio

This alone would have caused discomfort in the other two officers of the court... but there was more. The colonel had arrived una

"Do you want to review the court recordings again?"

"What for? They haven't changed!" Major Joshua snarled. Olive-complexioned and naturally hyper and intense, he had easily assumed the bad-guy role. At this point, however, he was tiring of the game and eager to bring things to a head. "I don't know why we're still debating this! The man's guilty as sin-hell, he even admits it! If we don't come down hard on him, it'll look like we're condoning what he did."

"Look, Josh-I mean, Major-there were extenuating circumstances involved."

The rotund Captain Humpty had no difficulty playing the good-guy devil's advocate. It was his habit to champion the underdog, though this case was trying even his generous tolerances. Still, he rose gamely to the challenge.

"We keep saying we want our junior officers to show initiative and leadership. If we slap them down every time they try something that doesn't work, then pretty soon no one will have the courage to do anything that isn't under orders and by the book."

The major snorted in disbelief. "Incentive! Bloodthirsty opportunism is more like it-at least, that's what the media called it, if I remember correctly."

"Are we letting the media set our discipline these days?"

"Well, no," Joshua admitted. "But we can't completely ignore our public image, either. The Legion is already considered to be the bottom of the heap. It's disasters like this that have everyone thinking we're a haven for criminals and losers."

"If they want Boy Scouts, there's always the Regular Army, not to mention the Starfleet," said the Captain dryly. "The Legion has never been a home for angels, including, I'll wager, all of us in this room. We're supposed to be judging this man's questionable action, not trying to salvage the Legion's reputation. "

"All right. Let's look at his action. I still don't see any redeeming factors in what he did."

"He inspired one of those Dudley-Do-Right pilots you're so envious of to make an unauthorized strafing run. I know commanders who haven't been able to get that kind of cross-service support even when the pilots were under orders to cooperate. Do you think it's wise to squelch that kind of leadership potential?"

"That depends on if you're differentiating between 'leadership' and an ability to incite disobedience. What your young lieutenant really needs is a couple years in the stockade to calm him down. Then maybe he'll think twice before he goes charging off half-cocked."

"I don't think we want to do that."

Both men broke off their argument and turned their attention to the colonel, who had finally entered into the discussion.

"While you have made several valid points, Major, and your proposed sentence would be in line with those points, there are certain... factors to be considered here which you are not aware of."

She paused, as if weighing each word for correctness, while the other officers waited patiently.

"I am extremely reluctant to bring this up-in fact, I rather hoped it wouldn't be necessary. As you know, each Legio

She waited until both men had nodded their agreement before continuing, and even then seemed reluctant to speak directly.

"It goes without saying that the lieutenant comes from money. If he didn't, he wouldn't be an officer."

The others waited patiently for information that was news. It was known that the Legion raised money by selling commissions... or rather by charging hefty fees to anyone who wanted to test for one.

"I did notice that he has his own butler," the captain said, trying to be amiable. "A bit pretentious, perhaps, but nothing the rest of us couldn't afford if we were so inclined."

The colonel ignored him.

"The truth is... have either of you considered the significance of the lieutenant's choice of a name?"

"Scaramouche?" Major Joshua said with a frown. "Aside from the obvious reference to the character from the novel, I hadn't given it much thought."

"I assumed it was because he fancied himself to be a swordsman," the captain put in, not to be outdone by his colleague.

"Before the novel. Perhaps I should say that the real origin of the name and title is a stock character from Italian comedy-a buffoon or a fool."

The men scowled and exchanged covert glances.

"I don't get it," the major admitted at last. "What has that got to do with-"

"Try spelling 'fool' with a 'ph'... as in p-h-u-l-e."

"I still don't-"

The colonel sighed and held up a restraining hand.

"Take a moment and study your sidearm, Major," she said.

Puzzled, the officer drew his pistol and glanced at it, turning it over in his hand. As he did, a sharp intake of breath drew his attention and he realized that the captain had successfully put together whatever it was that the colonel was driving at.

"You mean..."

"That's right, Captain." The court president nodded grimly. "Your Lieutenant Scaramouche is none other than the only son and heir apparent to the current owner and president of Phule-Proof Munitions."

Stu

"But then why would he join... ?"

The words froze in the major's throat as he barely caught himself on the brink of the worst social gaff a Legio