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Chapter Two:
"It's good to see you, too."
H. LJVINGSTON, M.D.
As AAHZ HAD predicted, my three bodyguards were waiting for me outside the stables. They seemed to be arguing about something, but broke off their discussion and started looking vigilant as soon as I appeared.
Now, you may think it would be kind of fun to have your own bodyguards. If so, you've never actually had one.
What it really means is that you give up any notion that your life is your own. Privacy becomes a vague memory you have to work at recalling, as "sharing" becomes the norm ... starting with the food on your plate and ending with going to the John. ("Geez, Boss! You know how many guys got whacked because someone was hiding in the can? Just pretend we ain't here.") Then, too, there's the constant, disquieting reminder that, however swell a fellow you may think you are, there are people out there waiting for a chance to bring your career to a premature conclusion. I had to keep telling myself that this latter point didn't apply to me, that Don Bruce had insisted on assigning me Guido and Nunzio more as status symbols than anything else. I had hired Pookie on my own, though, after getting jumped during my recent trip to Perv, so I couldn't entirely discount the fact that bodyguards were occasionally necessary and not just an inconvenient decoration.
"Got a minute, Skeeve?" Pookie said, stepping forward.
"Well, I was on my way to say hello to Bu
"Fine. We can talk as we walk."
She fell in step beside me, and Aahz graciously fell back to walk with my other two bodyguards.
"What it is," Pookie said, without preamble, "is I'm thinking of cashing in and heading back to Perv."
"Really? Why."
She gave a small shrug.
"I can't see as how I'm really needed," she said. "When I suggested I tag along, we thought you were coming back to a small war. The way I see it now, it seems like the crew you've already got can handle things."
As she spoke, I snuck a glance back at Guido. He was trudging along, his posture notably more hangdog than usual. It was clear both that he was infatuated with Pookie, and that he wasn't wild about the idea of her moving on.
"Umm ... Actually, I'd prefer it if you stuck around for a while, Pookie," I said. "At least, until I've made up my mind what to do about this situation with Queen Hemlock. She's been known to be a bit nasty when things don't go her way."
"Suit yourself," Pookie said, giving another shrug. "I just wanted to give you an easy out if you were looking to trim the budget."
I gave a smile at that.
"Just because we're going to be working on the kingdom's finances doesn't mean there's anything wrong with our treasury. You should know your cousin well enough to have faith in his money managing."
"I know Aahz, all right," she "said, shooting a dark look at that individual, "enough to know that before he'd part with money u
"He's mellowed a bit over the last few years," I smiled, "but I know what you mean. If it makes you feel any better, though, I hired you, so I figure you're reporting directly to me and not to him."
Pookie cocked an eyebrow at me.
"If that wasn't the case," she said, "I wouldn't have come along in the first place."
I could have let it go, but my curiosity was aroused.
"What's the problem between you two, anyway? More specifically, what's your problem with Aahz? He has nothing but the highest praise for you and your work."
Pookie's features hardened, and she broke eye contact to stare straight ahead.
"That's between him and me," she said stonily.
Her attitude puzzled me, but I knew better than to pursue the subject further.
"Oh. Well ... anyway, I'd like you to stick around if that's okay."
"No problem from my end," she said. "Just one thing ... to ease my mind. Could we adjust my pay scale? The prices you've been paying are my premium rates for short term work. For long term employment, I can give you a discount."
"How much?" I said quickly. As I noted before, Aahz had taught me most of what I know about money, and I had picked up some of his reflexes along the way.
"Why don't we knock it down to the same rate as you're paying those two" she said, jerking a thumb at Guido and Nunzio. "If nothing else, it might avoid some hard feelings between us professionally."
"Umm ... fine."
I didn't have the heart to tell her that Guido and Nunzio were actually earning more than her premium rates. Realizing she was not only from the same dimension, but the same family as Aahz, I wasn't sure how she'd take the news. With everything else on my mind, I decided to sort it out at a later date ... like, payday.
"Well, that takes care of me," Pookie said. "Any general orders for us?"
"Yes. Tell Nunzio I'd like to have a word with him."
One thing about living in a palace is that it takes a long time to walk from anywhere to anywhere, giving us lots of time to have conferences on the way to other conferences. Hey, I didn't say that it was a nice thing about living in a palace ... just a thing.
"So what's the word, Boss?" Nunzio said, falling in step at my side.
"Is she stayin' or goin'?"
"What? Oh. Staying, I guess."
"Whew! That's a relief!" he said, rolling his eyes briefly. "I'll tell you, I don't think Guido would be livable if she left right now ... know what I mean?"
"Uh huh," I said, glancing back at his cousin ... who, judging by the grin on his face, had already heard the news. "He seems quite taken with her."
"You don't know the half of it," Nunzio grimaced. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well, you know how you've been saying that Gleep has been acting strange lately?"
"Yeah. So?" he said, his squeaky voice taking on a cautious note.
"I want you to try to spend more time with him. Talk to him ... maybe take him out for some exercise."
"Me, Boss?"
"Sure. You get along with him better than anyone ... except, maybe, me ... and I'm going to be tied up with the kingdom's finances for a while. If there's anything wrong with Gleep, I want to find out about it before anyone else gets hurt."
"If you say so."
I couldn't help but notice an extreme lack of enthusiasm in his voice.
"Yes. I say so!' I repeated firmly. "It's important to me, Nunzio, and I can't think of anyone I'd trust more to check things out for me."
"Okay, Boss," he said, thawing a little. "I'll get right on it."
I wanted to give him a bit more encouragement, but just then we arrived at the door to my quarters.
"I'll wait out here, Boss, and make sure nobody else comes in for a while," Nunzio said with a faint smile as he stepped back.
This surprised me a little, as the crew usually followed me into my room without missing a step or a syllable of conversation. Then I noticed that the others of our group had also halted short of the door and were watching me with a smile.
I couldn't figure what was going on. I mean, so Bu
Nevertheless I took my cue, nodding at them vaguely as I opened the door.
"SKEEVE!!"
I barely turned around from shutting the door when Bu
"I was so worried about you!" she said, her voice muffled by my chest.
"Ahh ... ack!"
That last comment was mine. Actually, it wasn't so much a comment as a noise I made while trying to force some air into my lungs. This proved easier said than done ... and it wasn't all that easy to say!
"Why didn't you come by the office on your way back from Perv?" Bu