Mything Persons

Chapter Fifteen:

"Everybody needs a career manager!"

—LADY MACBETH

"So where is he?" Aahz grumbled for the hundredth

time ... in the last five minutes.

The sun had been up for hours, or at least as up as it

seemed to get in this dimension. Since my arrival in

Limbo, I had never seen what I am accustomed to think-

ing of as full sunlight. Whether the constant heavy over-

cast condition which seemed to prevail during daylight

hours was the result of magic or some strange meteor-

ologic condition I was never sure, but it did nothing to

alleviate the air of gloom that clung to the town of Blut

like a shroud.

The whole team was impatient to get started, but

Aahz was the only one who indulged himself in express-

ing his feelings as often ... or as loudly. Of course, it

might have been simply that he was making so much of

a fuss that the others were willing to let him provide the

noise for all of them rather than letting their own efforts

get constantly upstaged.

"Just take it easy, partner," I said soothingly, strug-

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131

gling to keep from snapping at him in my own nervous

impatience. "There aren't that many all-day stores in

this dimension."

"What do you expect, dealing with a bunch of vam-

pires," he snapped. "I still don't like this idea. Non-

magical disguises seem u

I heaved a quiet sigh inside and leaned back to wait,

propping my feet up on a chair. This particular quarrel

was old before Vilhelm had left on his shopping trip,

and I was tired going over it again and again.

"Be reasonable, Aahz," Tananda said, taking up the

slack for me. "You know we can't wander around town

like this... especially you with half the city looking for

you. We need disguises, and without a decent power

source, Skeeve here can't handle disguises for all of us.

Besides, it's not like we're using mechanical magic. We

won't be using magic at all."

"That's what everybody keeps telling me," my part-

ner growled. "We're just going to alter our appearances

without using spells. That sounds like mechanical magic

to me. Do you know what's going to happen to our

reputations if word of this gets back to the Bazaar? Par-

ticularly with most of the competition looking for a

chance to splash a little mud on the Great Skeeve's

name? Remember, we're already getting complaints

that our prices are too high, and if this gets out...."

The light dawned. I could finally see what was eating

at Aahz. I should have known there was money at the

bottom of this.

"But Aahz," I chimed in, "our fees are overpriced.

I've been saying that for months. I mean, it's not like we

need the money...."

". .. and I've been telling you for months that it's the

only way to keep the riff-raff from draining away all

your practice time," he shot back angrily. "Remember,

your name's supposed to be the Great Skeeve, not the

Red Cross. You don't do charity."

Now we were on familiar ground. Unlike the disguise

thing, this was one argument I never tired of.

"I'm not talking about charity," I said. "I'm talking

about a fair fee for services rendered."

"Fair fee?" my partner laughed, rolling his eyes.

"You mean like that deal you cut with Watzisname?

Did he ever tell you about that one, Tananda? We catch

a silly bird for this Deveel, see, and my partner charges

him a flat fee. Not a percentage, mind you, a flat fee.

And how much of a flat fee? A hundred gold pieces? A

thousand. No. TEN. Ten lousy gold pieces. And half an

hour later the Deveel sells his 'poor little bird' for over a

hundred thousand. Nice to know we don't do charity,

isn't it?"

"C'mon, Aahz," I argued, writhing inside. "That

was only five minutes' work. How was I supposed to

know the silly bird was on the endangered species list?

Even .you thought it was a good deal until we heard what

the final sale was. Besides, if I had held out for a per-

centage and the Deveel had been legit and never sold the

thing, we wouldn't have even gotten ten gold pieces out

of it."

"I never heard the details from your side," Tananda

said, "but what I picked up on the streets was that

everybody at the Bazaar was really impressed. Most

folks think that it's a master-stroke of PR for the hot-

test magician at the Bazaar to help bring a rarity to the

public for a mere fraction of his normal fees. It shows

he's something other than a cold-hearted businessman

... that he really cares about people."

"So what's wrong with being a cold-hearted busi-

nessman?" Aahz snorted. "How about the other guy?

Everybody thinks he's a villain, and he's crying all the

way to the bank. He retired on the profit from that one

sale alone."

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Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 133

"Unless Na

me my numbers," Chumley interrupted, "I figure your

current bankroll could eat that fellow's profit and still

have room for lunch. Any reason you're so big on squir-

reling away so much gold, Aahz? Are you pla

retiring?"

"No, I'm not pla

snapped. "And you're missing the point completely.

Money isn't the object."

"It isn't?"

I think everybody grabbed that line at the same time

... even Pepe, who hadn't known Aahz all that long.

"Of course not. You can always get more gold. What

can't be replaced is time. We all know Skeeve here has a

long way to go in the magic department. What the rest

of you keep forgetting is how short a life span he has to

play with... maybe a hundred years if he's lucky. All

I'm trying to do is get him the maximum learning time

possible... and that means keeping him from using up

mos,t of his time on nickel-and-dime adventures. Let the

smalltime operators do those. My partner shouldn't

have to budge away from his studies unless the assign-

ment is something really spectacular. Something that

will advance his reputation and his career."

There was a long silence while everybody digested

that one, especially me. Since Aahz had accepted me as

a full partner instead of an apprentice, I tended to for-

get his role as my teacher and career manager. Thinking

back now, I could see he had never really given up the

work, just gotten sneakier. I wouldn't have believed

that was possible.

"How about this particular nickel-and-dime adven-

ture?" Tananda said, breaking the silence. "You know,

pulling your tail out of a scrape? Isn't this a little low-

brow for the kind of legend you're trying to build?"

The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable, but it

didn't phase Aahz in the least.

"If you'll ask around, you'll find out that I didn't

want him along on this jaunt at all. In fact, I knocked

him cold trying to keep him out. A top-flight magician

shouldn't have to stoop to bill collecting, especially

when the risk is disproportionately high."

"Well, it all sounds a little cold-blooded for my taste,

Aahz," Chumley put in. "If you extend your logic, our

young friend here is only going to work when the danger

is astronomically high, and conversely if the advance-

ment to his career is enough, no risk is too great. That

sounds to me like a sure-fire way to lose a partner and a

friend. Like the Geek says, if you keep bucking the

odds, sooner or later they're going to catch up with

you."

My partner spun to confront the troll nose-to-nose.

"Of course it's going to be dangerous," he snarled.

"The magic profession isn't for the faint of heart, and

to hit the top he's going to have to be hair-triggered and

mean. There's no avoiding that, but I can try to be sure

he's ready for it. Why do you think I've been so dead-

set against him having bodyguards? If he starts relying

on other people to watch out for him, he's going to lose

the edge himself. That's when he's in danger of walking

into a swinging door."

That brought Guido into the fray.

"Now let me see if I've got this right," my bodyguard

said. "You don't want me and my cousin Nunzio

around so that the Boss here can handle all the trouble

himself? That's crazy talk, know what I mean? Now

listen to me, 'cause this time I know what I'm sayin'.

The higher someone gets on the ladder, the more folks

come huntin' for his head. even if they don't do nothin'

they got people gu

and respect and there's always somebody who thinks

they can steal it. Now I've seen some of the Big Guys

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Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 135

who try to act just like you're sayin'... they're so

scared all the time they don't trust nothin' or nobody.

The only one they can count on is themselves, and

everybody else is suspect. That includes total strangers,

their own bodyguards, their friends, and their partners.

Think about that for a minute."

He leaned back and surveyed the room, addressing

his next comments to everyone.

"People like that don't last long. They don't trust

nobody, so they got nobody. Ya can't do everything

alone and sooner or later they're lookin' the wrong way

or asleep when they should be watchin' and it's all over.

Now I've done a lot of jobs as a bodyguard, and they

were just jobs, know what I mean? The Boss here is dif-

ferent, and I'm not just sayin' that. He's the best man