Ecstasy

Ian’s face was beet red as he shoved his glasses up his nose and looked down at his hands.

Kylie was seemingly oblivious to his embarrassment. She just really wanted to know.

“You don’t think anyone hurt her, do you?” she continues.

I straighten my top and walk out of the closet. “Like who?”

She shrugs, leaning against the doorway to the bathroom. “I mean, I wasn’t there, but… I don’t know. Alex didn’t really have a problem pulling down your top in front of all of those people and, you know, he’s got a bad temper.”

I wince, remembering the time I threw a glass cup at the wall in the living room, in the middle of one of our fights. It shattered into pieces and Alex took the blame when Kylie came out of her room, horrified.

He’s not the only one with a bad temper.

We’re like fire and gasoline.

“Kylie. He didn’t kill Riha

There’s a small cut, angry and red.

From where Alex pried my mouth open with a tequila bottle.

I force myself not to look at Kylie because I’m not about to explain what happened in that kitchen. And then the pool.

Shit.

Maybe the idea of Alex killing someone isn’t that fu

I put down the Chapstick and pick up my eyeliner.

“You know he broke that guy’s nose on the field,” Kylie adds, as if she’s building evidence against Alex.

“I know,” I snap back. “I was there. But he didn’t kill anyone, Kylie. You sure you wa

She blows out a breath behind me as I concentrate on my liner. “Honestly, I’m just glad you two broke up,” she continues. “He’s not good for you.”

I snort, shaking my head but not saying anything as I lean back from the mirror, pick up my mascara.

I’m not good for him.

I finish up my makeup, bat my eyes a few times and toss my mascara on the counter in the corner with my other products.

I glance over my shoulder and smile at Kylie. “Thanks, Ky.”

She winces, and I remember belatedly she doesn’t really like when I call her that. But she just says, “Of course. I already knew he was an asshole. I just wanted to make sure you’re… okay.”

The bathroom feels crowded and hot suddenly, and my skin itches, but I manage to say, “Thank you.” It hasn’t really sunk in, to be honest. Me and Alex aren’t together.

I’m not even sure I believe it.

Kylie nods. “Wa

“I have ethics after philosophy, but I’m free for lunch?” I don’t want to meet anyone for lunch, truth be told, but it might be nice to not eat alone today. Me and Alex usually ate together.

God, there’s a lump in my throat when I think about not eating with him, but I shove it down deep. We aren’t over yet.

I know we’re not.

Kylie smiles at me in the mirror and then, thankfully, walks out of my bathroom.

As soon as she does, I shut the door and lock it, exhaling with relief.

I squat down, open up the cabinet under my sink and reach past the self-ta

Score.

I keep some of my stash in shoe boxes in my closet, but these are the magic pills. I take one of the red and blue capsules out of the bag and dry swallow it down. This is the closest thing I’ve ever taken to having a real personality. It helps me fake that shit. I try not to take many of them because they’re just so damn good, and expensive as hell.

I went a little overboard on Saturday with all the drugs, but I’m better now. I just need this one. I’m fine.

I close the baggie, toss it back into the tampon box and shut the cabinet, standing to my feet and smiling at myself in the mirror.

See? I am not the same person that went into rehab. I’m better. I think of my future self.

pre-rehab Zara would never think of leaving future Zara a baggie to take the edge off.

And future self has arrived, ready to take on the first day back to classes after that little…mess up. Fully prepared to look everyone in the eye who saw Alex Cardi flash my tits at a party that ended with a dead girl in the pool.