Ecstasy

I yank up the white sheet, then my pale green comforter. Kylie is still in my doorway, shifting from foot to foot, awkward as hell. I don’t know who she hangs out with or what exactly she knows about last weekend, but she doesn’t party. She at least knows about Riha

Not to mention I’ve been skipping classes.

I guess that’s why she’s standing there.

“It was okay,” Kylie finally answers me as I throw the pillows on the bed and open my curtains, looking down at the woods that edge our apartment complex. It’s a nice, su

I hate it.

I turn back to Kylie and nod. I’m in black booty shorts and a white tank and really should shower but I guess braids will do for today. My bleached white hair probably needs as little time as possible under a blow dryer anyway. More dry shampoo will do the trick.

But what I really care about more than the state of my hair is getting to the tampon box under my bathroom sink. Can’t really do that with Kylie standing in my doorway though.

“How are you?” she asks, rubbing her hand up her arm as she watches me. I pick my phone up from the nightstand but don’t look at it.

“Great,” I lie.

She frowns, her thick, dark brows pulling together. “Zara, you don’t have to keep things from me, you know. If you’re feeling upset about—”

“I didn’t even know Riha

Fuck her.

God, I’m going to hell.

“Yeah, but even besides that… I’ve heard some things. And uh…seen some things,” Kylie continues.

I cross my arms, clench my phone tight in one hand. My usually rather eloquent roommate is stumbling over her words and it’s making me uncomfortable. And angry.

“What are you really asking me, Kylie?”

Like most people, despite my mother’s warning, I think Kylie believes that rehab is a cure for druggies, and I’m all fine. So, I don’t think she’s asking me about drugs.

Which is good because I’m not talking about them. But I don’t want to talk about what it is I know she’s about to bring up either.

She takes a deep breath, wringing her hands together as she leans against my doorway. “Are you still with Alex?” There’s a note of anger in her words, which is unusual coming from her. Kylie doesn’t really get angry, so I kind of feel a little sistership with her in this moment, knowing she probably saw that video and she’s probably pissed on my behalf, but still, it’s not really her business.

I roll my eyes. “So what if I am?” I counter.

She looks concerned. “I saw the video, Zara,” she confirms. “Everyone has probably seen the video.” She bites her tongue a second, waiting for me to say something but when I don’t, she adds, “You didn’t look like you were enjoying it.”

I laugh out loud, dropping my hands by my sides. “Yeah? Well I saw the video too. Good thing there were so many damn people there live and in person, because it’s kind of hard to make out the details of my nipples, huh?” I’ve seen a few of the videos, but only one really captures the heartwarming moment.

And it’s blurry, and bodies are in the way, so whatever.

Kylie’s cheeks flush pink but she doesn’t drop my gaze. “Tell me you aren’t with him. You know he’s a complete jerk anyway.”

It’s not breaking news to me that she thinks that. She warned me about him when we started dating in the spring, telling me he had a bad temper. Was a loudmouth. Obnoxious. All the things you could expect from a preacher’s kid gone wild.

He is all of those things.

But I need someone like that. Not that it matters.

I blow out a breath and break the news to her, “No, we aren’t together. But not because of the video.”

Kylie’s mouth hangs open and she shakes her head, about to say something when I beat her to it.

“It’s because I cheated on him,” I admit, feeling my stomach clench as I do. “Last week.” I shrug, turn away from her and step into my bathroom, setting my phone on the counter and glancing in the mirror.

God, what a mess.

I lick my finger and start rubbing away the eyeliner from under my eyes. Then I hear Kylie step into the bedroom, and she comes to stand in the doorway of my bathroom.

“You, what?” she croaks.

I glance at her big brown eyes in the mirror. “I cheated on him,” I tell her again, more slowly this time.

She chews on her lip as I part my hair, going to work on one section, twisting it into braids.

“Oh. Wow…” she finally says. “I’m uh… Why?” she asks, shaking her head, her brows furrowed together.

I laugh a little, still braiding my hair and meeting her gaze again in the mirror. “You just pointed out that he’s a jerk, right?”

She just keeps staring at me blankly. She’s dating a pre-med kid, Ian. A nice, quiet guy that she’s head over heels for. I think the whole concept of cheating is so foreign to Kylie that she probably wants to kick me out of the apartment right now so I don’t contaminate her with my slutty ways.

“He let Riha

Alex loves when I wear my hair in braids.

I hope I see him before my philosophy seminar.

“Zara!” Kylie gasps, a hand over her poor little heart. “That’s… that’s terrible.”

I shrug. “Well, Riha

“No,” she interrupts me, her voice rising an octave. “It’s terrible that you… that you…”

“Sucked another guy’s dick?” I supply, since she seems to be choking on the words. Every pun intended.

Her light brown skin goes pale and she looks like she might faint. “Yeah. That.”

I finish braiding my hair, flick both ends over my shoulders and grab my toothbrush, wet it under the sink, and squeeze on toothpaste and start brushing.

I shrug and shake my head, but don’t say anything until I’m done brushing, spitting in the sink and wiping my hand over the back of my mouth.

“Yeah, well.” I turn to face her after I set the brush down. “No one ever said I was a good person, huh, Kylie?” I pat her awkwardly on the back and walk out of the bathroom, across my room, to my little walk-in closet.

“Gah, Zara. That’s… wow,” I hear her mumbling, and I don’t even know if she’s talking to me or herself at this point.

I pull a cream-colored tank from a hanger, grab my pale blue jeans, then my white bralette that’s hanging on the back of the closet door. I start to change in the closet, and Kylie keeps talking, not really ready to give this up yet, apparently.

She clears her throat first, then says, “People have been saying the police are ruling out murder. About Riha

I roll my eyes, unseen by her. “Yeah, they have to. They’re the police,” I call back to her from the closet.

“Yeah…” she trails off, but I know she’s not done, because Kylie is a curious girl. It’s one of the things that I like about her. She’s super into science, which I hate, and she doesn’t party, which I don’t get, but she asks a lot of questions about a lot of things. Sometimes that’s a