Ecstasy

But none of that comes out. The only words I can force out of my mouth are, “I’m drunk.”

Alex smiles, presses his forehead to mine. “Good.”

And I’m too drunk to feel angry at his words, or to remind him of what he just did. Instead, I swat my hand against his bare chest, and he catches it, threading his fingers through mine. He jerks his head toward the pool.

“Come on, let’s swim.”

I shake my head, my eyes fluttering closed. My body feels heavy. I’m messed up. I tell him that, my words slurred, but he must get what I’m saying because he speaks against my mouth.

“I won’t let you get hurt, Zara.”

My limbs feel loose and warm with his words. His touch. Alex is safe. Alex is safe. The past six months, we’ve fought and fucked and screamed and yelled but he’s safe. He’s taken care of my drunk ass more times than I’d really like to admit. He hasn’t told my mom that I’m not in recovery.

He hasn’t ever let me get hurt. He picked me up on the football field after his first game, the one he was suspended at, and twirled me around and kissed me in front of everyone.

He’s safe.

He’s safe.

So, I nod my head, knowing as I do that things are going to go downhill fast. But you’re only a senior in college once, right? And he won’t really hurt me. He won’t really drown me.

He wraps an arm around me and steers me toward the edge of the pool.

I hear a splash, see people sitting on the outdoor couches with drinks in their hands.

I think some people are looking at us, but I’m too drunk to see them clearly. I can barely see the edge of the fucking pool and I’m worried I’m going to drown sooner rather than later.

I kind of don’t care now.

Not right now anyway.

“It’s going to be cold, princess,” Alex warns me.

Music is playing out here. Limbo by Salem. I love this song. I try to tell Alex that as I stare at the rippling blue surface of the water.

Alex’s fingers skim up my sides, making me shiver.

“I love this song, too,” he says softly.

Yeah. I knew that. We don’t agree on much, but we like the same music.

“Hey,” I mumble as he keeps rubbing my skin, gazing down at me. All I can hear now is the music, like someone turned it up. Or my brain turned everyone else’s voices down. I speak a little louder, “I shouldn’t do this.”

He grins at me, grabs my wrist and trails my hand over his chest, diverting my attention. I take in his six-pack, his lean body and tall frame. His skin is smooth, and I trace one of those freckles under his pec, then down across his abs. I have them memorized.

“Ready?” he asks me, catching my hand again.

I chew my lip, looking up into his eyes. No.

But I nod in answer to his question, and he pulls me closer toward the pool. But then we bypass the steps and as I stumble over the concrete, fear starts to creep in past my intoxication.

“Hey, I told you I—”

“And I told you I wouldn’t let you get hurt,” he cuts me off as we come to the deep end. Eight feet, if I’m seeing the black number on the edge of the concrete correctly.

His toes are at the edge and mine are too, my hand still in his.

“You ready?” he asks me, squeezing my hand.

I shake my head. “No, you get in first and then you can—”

“You know how to swim, Zara.” It’s a statement, because he’s taken me to the beach a few times and we’ve jumped the waves together and his parents have a pool and he’s seen me swim completely naked in it that one weekend when they were out of town.

I nod in agreement but try to pull out of his grip. I don’t think I’m explaining myself properly, or he doesn’t care.

I think about him breaking that guy’s nose on the field, right after the Caven Camels had won the game. Right before he picked me up from across the fence and spun me in his arms. I’d been high on Addie then too, and his coach had been yelling at him because Nate’s nose was dripping blood and the paramedics were on the field, but Alex didn’t care.

Alex didn’t care.

Because Nate was the quarterback for ECU, and I’d fucked him before. I guess he’d been talking shit to Alex during the game and Alex doesn’t like when people talk shit.

And I guess he really, really doesn’t like when his girlfriend cheats on him because this punishment seems a little…much.

I swallow as he pulls me closer to the deep end, my toes going over the edge of the concrete. I try to enunciate clearer, but I know I’m just sounding more and more drunk with each word. It’s like trying to speak underwater. My thoughts aren’t coming out right, but I give it another try anyway. “Yes, I can swim, but I’m drunk—”

“Yeah, here’s the thing, princess.” He leans down close to me, his words against my ear. “You should’ve thought about that before you put Jamal’s dick in your pretty little mouth.”

He jerks my hand as he jumps.

I stumble in, too, the water surprisingly warm.

And that’s all I can focus on. The temperature of the water.

Chlorine burns my eyes, which are still open, seeing the foggy way the lights shimmer beneath the surface. It burns my nose, too, and I realize Alex is still holding my hand.

Yanking me all the way down.

I turn to look at him, and then he lets go.

I’m at the bottom of the pool.

I feel my feet on the smooth concrete, my head heavy as I blink underwater. I see some people’s blurry legs, at the shallow end, and I force myself to walk toward them.

I hear something that sounds like yelling above the surface, and I look up. I can see it. The surface is less than three feet above my head.

I just have to move my legs. Push up.

The chlorine starts to burn. In my eyes. My nose.

My lungs.

I just need to push up, though. That’s all. Just push up to that shimmering surface a few feet above me.

I brace myself to do just that, when I see someone splash into the water right in front of me. A cloud of bubbles.

And then strong arms yank me up and I’m breaking the surface, the air much colder up here.

I take a deep, gasping breath, my lungs burning.

But working.

They’re working.

Water and mucus pour from my nose, and I take deep, gulping breaths, coughing and spluttering as I do.

“Zara,” someone says. Someone who’s holding me, my body pressed against theirs. They’re wearing clothes, I feel them against my skin.

I start to shiver, rubbing my eyes with my fists, my back to whoever is holding me. The coughing is subsiding, but my throat is burning.

“Zara.” It’s Eli’s voice.

People are peering at me from the edge of the pool, crowded around with wide eyes. A few of them have cell phones, recording me.

Eli’s arms tighten around me. He tells them the same thing he told that baby-faced blond that tried to touch me. “Leave.” He doesn’t even raise his voice.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard Eli raise his voice.

The crowd around the pool breaks into nervous laughter, but they all disperse.

“Zara.” Eli again, his voice against my ear.

I’m still shivering but he spins me in his arm as he hangs onto the edge of the pool with the other.

My eyes lock on his.

“What happened?”

I shake my head, water in my ears. I can hear him, but…my face feels numb. My lips, too.

God, I’m fucking drunk.

I lay my head on his shoulder, against his wet shirt. “Alex pulled me in,” I manage to tell him.