Ecstasy

He’s fast and rough and tears are pricking behind my eyes.

“Eli, slow down,” I manage to say, my words shaky.

His hand comes to my throat. The sound of his hips co

I dig my nails into his chest, trying to push him off of me at the same time.

This hurts.

But I can’t say anything. I can’t say anything, because in the darkness, Eli is choking me. He’s actually choking me.

What the fuck?

Panic, more than anger, engulfs me. What is he doing? Why is he doing it?

His thrusts shake the entire bed and everything is burning. It’s burning and I’m still digging at his skin, trying to him hurt enough to slow down. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t slow.

“Fuck this,” I hear Alex say quietly, and then he’s there, his hands on Eli’s shoulders, pulling him off of me. Out of me.

I sit up, pushing back against the headboard, bringing my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs.

Alex throws Eli toward the door. “The fuck is wrong with you?” His voice is a growl. I see he’s got his pants on, but nothing else. “You were fucking hurting her!”

I take deep breaths, squeezing my thighs together, the pain between them like fire.

I hear Eli laugh in the dark. “Was I? I think she likes it rough.”

Alex steps back from Eli, as if he struck him. He edges against the bed, obscuring my view of Eli by the door. “Get the fuck out,” he says. “Get out of here.”

Eli laughs again. “This is my dad’s house. You get out.”

I hear Alex breathing, deep inhales and exhales. I see his shoulders rise and fall.

My mind is spi

“Fine.” Alex turns to me, offers me his hand. “Let’s go, baby.”

I shake my head. “Y-you can’t drive,” I whisper in the dark, but I take his hand anyway. He threads his fingers through mine. “You can’t drive.”

And I can’t drive because I’m not just drunk, I’m tripping, and…

“I don’t care. We’ll walk. I’ll carry you.” Alex starts to pull me up off the bed.

But Eli laughs one more time and I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

Alex hears something in that wicked laughter, too.

He stops trying to pull me to my feet, and turns to face Eli.

I hold my breath, knowing what he’s going to say. Knowing it and hating it. Hating him.

“You said you wanted to experience everything, Zara,” Eli says softly in the dark as Alex and I stare at him, Alex’s fingers tightening around mine. “Isn’t that right?”

No one says a word.

Even with the music and the people upstairs, no one says a thing.

I hear shuffling, and I imagine Eli getting dressed, even though I can’t see him. I can’t see him, and still no one speaks.

My heart is beating too fast in my chest. Too fast, and I can’t breathe. I still can’t breathe.

“Oh, now you’ve got nothing to say, baby girl?”

Alex’s fingers tighten painfully around mine. His grip is so tight, his hands clammy. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he asks Eli in the dark.

I can almost hear Eli smiling.

No.

He wouldn’t do this.

He wouldn’t fucking do this.

“Ah, well, since she seems to be so shy now, I guess she won’t mind if I say it for her.” He blows out a breath. I screw up my eyes tight. “Just before I had my fingers inside of her at our house, she was just telling me how she wants to experience everything.”

No one moves.

It feels like no one breathes.

No one says anything.

Does anything.

My pulse is so fast, the blood pumping so hard in my veins, I can feel it everywhere. Behind my eyes. In my head. In my hand, which, for now, is still in Alex’s.

But that doesn’t last long.

He lets go of me and stumbles away from the bed.

He doesn’t look at me when he says, “What are you talking about?” And the scary part? He doesn’t sound angry. He doesn’t sound jealous either.

He sounds genuinely confused.

Maybe even hurt.

“No,” I manage to say, my voice a croak. “Eli. No.”

Alex still doesn’t look at me.

“Yes, baby girl. Yes.” He sighs again, and I can see him now. He is dressed, and he’s got his hands in his pockets. He stares at me while he speaks to Alex. “She feels good, man. I know why you like her so much, even if she is a fucking slut.”

I flinch, cover my hands over my eyes.

He’s not doing this.

He’s not really doing this.

“Her mouth.” Eli groans. “She gives good head, too. Everything about her is just fucking tight and perfect and damn, when she comes, she’s so wet, she’s just gushing.”

No. No. No.

“What are you fucking talking about?” Alex asks again, and this time, he’s angry. This time, he turns toward me.

I drop my hands from my eyes, wrap my arms tighter around myself, wishing I could disappear. Wishing I could be somewhere else. Far, far away from here.

I shouldn’t have come here.

“I don’t know what—”

“Don’t lie, baby girl,” Eli cuts me off cruelly. “Don’t you dare fucking lie now.”

“What is he talking about?” Alex’s voice grows louder. He steps closer to me, and I can feel it. His anger. It’s like heat radiating off his body. “What the fuck is he talking about, Zara?”

I start rocking, my body in a ball. It’s hard to focus and to think and the alcohol and the molly are making everything so much more difficult. So difficult.

“Don’t leave me.” That’s all I can say. My voice is small and quiet, and I just want to leave. Just like Alex said. I want him to carry me out of here. I want to leave. “Don’t leave me,” I plead again. “Please don’t leave me.”

Alex steps closer. “What. The. Fuck. Is he fucking talking about, Zara?” He’s screaming now and I just press tighter against the headboard.

Eli says nothing.

It suddenly dawns on me that he’s enjoying this. That he likes this.

I try to swallow but my mouth is dry. My throat is tight. “Alex.” The word is jagged. “Alex, please don’t leave me. Can we go? Can we just go?”

Don’t leave me here with him.

Alex grabs my face, tilting my chin up so I’m looking at him. “Tell me it isn’t true.”

I take a deep breath in. Out.

“Tell me it isn’t true, princess.” He’s pleading now. He’s begging me. “Tell me he’s lying.”

I want to. God, I want to. Tears stream down my face, hot and wet against my cheeks, ru

“Zara.” Alex sinks to his knees, dropping my face, his hands on my feet under the sheets. “Zara, please tell me it isn’t true.” He’s so quiet, his words little more than a whisper, and he has his head bowed. His head is bowed over my feet.

My heart cracks in my chest.

Eli is still silent, watching all of this unfold.

“Don’t leave me,” I say again, sniffling. “Please don’t leave me, Alex.”

He’s quiet, and then he pushes to his feet again, fisting his hair in his hands as he turns his back to me.

“You stupid, stupid fuck.” The words are barely out of his mouth before he shoves Eli against the door of the room, and I swear I hear the wood splintering. “You stupid motherfucker,” he says again, and he has both hands around Eli’s throat. He slams his head against the door once, twice, the sound so loud, the crack of Eli’s skull making me flinch each time. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Alex,” I say, his name hoarse from my mouth. I wipe the back of my hand over my eyes. “Alex, can we just go please?”