Flock

I’m seconds away from pissing myself as Sean guns the gas, leaving us flying down a gravel road. It’s while the tires crunch beneath and the silent wind whips through the cabin that realization dawns. These men I’ve been hanging with are exactly the type that Mom warns you away from and that Dad is supposed to greet at the front door with a shotgun in hand.

Since day one, I’ve been subtly and not so subtly warned by them to keep my distance—by both them and those who knew of them—and since day one, I’ve done nothing but walk directly into the line of fire. There’s always some basis or truth to rumors. But this? This is so far from what I expected. And it’s in the dark where I see the light. I’ve been ru

“Jeremy was serious when he said he’d just robbed someone, wasn’t he?”

Silence.

Sean makes another fast turn, and I have no idea how, because I can’t see a foot in front of his hood, but his quick side-eye confirms everything.

“You spend all your free time crossing invisible lines,” I say, knowing it’s the absolute truth. “Jesus, Sean. How many secrets do you have?”

His reply is another turn before we slide to a stop. He kills the engine as we sit quietly under the cover of a few trees. I twist in my seat but see no sign of the blue light. I’ve never been prone to panic attacks before, but I’m positive I’m having something close to one now.

“It’s okay, baby. We lost him. We were too far ahead. He never even saw the make of the car. We’re safe.”

“Safe?” I pant, trying to even out my breathing. “I don’t think so.”

He watches me carefully as I gather and examine all the red flags that have been piling up in front of me over the last several weeks.

“I didn’t expect this. I knew something was going on, but this? Tyler’s a United States Marine, and he’s a part of this!?”

He nods.

“How far does this go, Sean?”

He bites his lip in contemplation and I glare at him.

I gesture toward the phone resting between his thighs. “That’s not your phone.”

“Never was.” With the quick workings of his hands, he pulls the SIM card out and snaps it in half.

“So, you all are like fucking outlaws or something?”

“Or something.”

“All of you?”

“Everyone with the bird was invited to the party. And they can all keep a secret. If they can’t…they can’t party. And probably never will again.”

I shake my head, unbelieving of the truth.

“I don’t know you at all, do I?”

“You know me,” he swears and moves toward me, but I jerk away from his advance. In the dim cabin, the slight sting of rejection shines in his eyes as he curses and fists his hands at his sides before turning back to me.

“You know me,” the gentle timbre of his voice has my eyes watering. “You know my mind and my heart. You know me. I made sure of it. But this is my world, our world, and if you want in, you have another decision to make.”

Sean speaks up, jerking me out of my reverie. “I can see I’ve blown your mind again. And not in a good way.” His tone is mournful, and I know he sees the battle I’m fighting. He’s put me in a dangerous position with his explanation, but he’s also left the door wide open on the other side of it for a quick escape. The problem is, I can’t even look at the threshold, because it means losing him. Knowing nothing about the party is my saving grace. I can walk away now, no ties. Merely aware of their existence but with nothing that incriminates me.

He runs a knuckle along my wobbling chin, and I look up to see we’re parked in his driveway. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts I didn’t follow his route home.

“I thought you were taking me home?”

“I didn’t tell you which home.”

“You’re a good liar.”

“You’re a terrible one.” His beautiful chest bounces. “And you don’t really want to go home.”

He reaches for me again and I shy away from his touch because it will draw me further in. Right now, I’m toeing a very dangerous line in some sort of alternate reality.

“Cecelia, I tried to ease you into this the best way I could. I had to be able to trust you.”

“I still don’t know anything.”

“And that kept you safe from your involvement and all that it implied. But from this point forward, your decision changes that.”

Chin set, he looks over to me. “I have a lot to lose, too.” He turns his head, looking out the window and I swear I hear “more,” muttered under his breath. He rests his head back on the seat and sighs before his head lolls back my way, his expression weary. “You’ll go crazy trying to figure it out. Everything we do, we do for good reason. If you choose to stay, a lot of your questions will be answered over time. But everybody at the party has to earn their place. No exceptions.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Not tonight, and not until you’ve made your decision. And even then, I can’t guarantee I’ll answer. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” He cuts the engine and gets out of his car. I follow him silently into his house and up the stairs to his bedroom. Everything has changed, every part of my involvement. I must be a willing participant in whatever comes next, or I have to walk away from him. I can feel the weight of my decision already weighing heavy on my heart.

When he closes the bedroom door, he pulls off his shirt and slips off his boots.

I’m too exhausted from the crash of adrenaline to fight, and he clearly is as well as he unbuckles his jeans and shoves them off, along with his boxers. The sight of him naked has my fingers itching to touch, my blood pulses more rapidly, but inside all I feel is dread.

I’m already more than halfway in love with this man and walking away will break my heart. He watches me carefully, no doubt reading my thoughts and then goes down the hall into his bathroom, leaving the door open, before turning on the shower.

An invitation.

Another decision.

I follow, shut the door, strip bare and join him. He draws me to him, kissing me for long minutes. Back in his room, we’re silent when we towel off and I pull on one of his T-shirts before slipping into bed, into his waiting arms.

“Please understand, there was no other way,” he murmurs into my neck, pulling me snugly into his body. He’s hard, but he doesn’t act on it, he just keeps me firmly tucked into him, weakening me with his scent.

I should feel betrayed, but I do understand the ‘why’ of how he introduced me to it. And now I also understand that if I’m in, I’ll have to become a lot better at lying, and if I can’t keep a secret, it will cost me a lot more than a broken heart.