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"I won't be."
"It's settled, then."
Je
It seemed he hardly heard her. His gaze wandered her face, her hair, returning at last to her eyes.
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met."
Je
And yet, he was just Sebastian. A man she talked with, traveled with, ate with. She had seen him yawn from exhaustion and fall asleep countless times.
He was a fascinating mix of nobility and commoner. He seemed to chafe at being held in awe, yet by his ma
"I'm sorry at how inadequate those words sound," he whispered, looking very humble. "I mean so much more than that you're merely beautiful.»
"You do?" Her words were more than a question. They were expectant wonder.
Sebastian's mouth met hers in a rush. His arms surrounded her. She held her hands out to the side, afraid to hug him because if she did she would have to touch his naked flesh. She stood in his arms, her own arms held out stiffly, her spine arched back under the press of him.
His mouth felt luscious against hers. His arms did more than encircle her; they sheltered her. Her eyes closed as she sagged into his kiss. His whole body felt so hard against hers. His fist seized her hair at the nape of her neck, holding her as he moaned against her lips, as his warm tongue unexpectedly filled her mouth. Je
The world seemed to be tipping, and she felt as if she were hanging in his arms. She felt the sudden press of the bedding against her. The shock of being on her back, with him atop her, had her suddenly confused and not knowing what to do or how to react.
She wanted to stop him before he went any further. At the same time, she feared to do anything that would cause him to stop, to believe she was spurning him.
It occurred to her how very alone they were. Such isolation worried her. Yet, it excited her, too. With the two of them so completely alone, only she could stop him. The choices that she made not only decided her own path, but also held sway over Sebastian's heart. It gave her a comforting sense of power.
But it was just a kiss. More of a kiss than in the palace, but still, just a kiss. A head-spi
She surrendered herself into his embrace, daring to use her tongue as he did his, and was exhilarated by his ardent response. She felt like a woman-a desirable woman. Her hands ran up the smooth skin of his back, feeling the landscape of his bone and muscle, unhindered by a veil of cloth, feeling him flex as he pressed against her. She could hardly get her breath with the wonder of such feelings.
"Je
Je
Her heart was racing so fast that she feared it might burst. Sebastian's breath, too, came in desperate pulls, as if his lust for her were driving him mad. She clung to him, eager to feel the warm breath of his words in her ear again.
She feared to believe him, though, to allow herself to believe him, to know if it was real, if this was really happening to her, or if she was only imagining it.
"But… you can't mean it." Her words were a wall to protect her.
"I do," he panted. "I do. I can't help myself. I love you, Je
His warm breath tickled her in a way that ran a scrumptious shiver up through the core of her.
For some reason, the memory of Tom came into her mind. She saw him, in her mind's eye, smiling at her in that way of his. This would not be Tom's ma
For some reason, she felt a stab of ache for Tom.
"Sebastian-"
"Tomorrow, we leave to carry out our destiny……
Je
"But this night is ours, Je
Je
"Sebastian-"
"I love you, Jermsen. I love you."
Je
She wished the image of Tom would leave her mind.
"Sebastian, I don't know what-"
"I never wanted to. It wasn't my intention to allow myself to feel this way, but I do. I love you, Je
Her eyes closed as he kissed her neck. It felt so good feeling his intimate whispers in her ear, a whisper that in a way sounded close to a painful confession, laced with regret, anger, yet thick with desperate hope.
"I love you," he whispered again.
Je
Jermsen shuddered with the pleasure of the sensation, with the pleasure of feeling like a woman, of knowing that her mere existence thrilled a man. She had never felt particularly attractive before. Right then, she felt more than beautiful-she felt seductively beautiful.
Surrender.
She kissed his neck as he shifted his weight. She kissed his ear and ran her tongue along it as he had done to her. His whole body felt afire.
She froze when his hand slid up under her dress. His fingers glided over her bare knee, over her bare thigh. It was her choice to make, she told herself. It was.
She gasped, eyes wide, staring up at the dark rafters. His mouth covered hers before she could say the word wanting to come out. Her fist pounded his shoulder, once, in frustration at not being able to say that one, short, important word.
She gripped his face to push him away, to allow her to say it. But this was the man who had saved her life. If not for him, she would have been killed along with her mother that rainy night. She owed him her very life. Letting him touch her in such a way was nothing in exchange for that. What harm was it? It was a small thing compared to the way he had opened his heart to her.
Besides, she cared for him. He was a man any woman would desire.
He was handsome, smart, and important. Moreover, she was excited that he cared so for her. She was. What more could she want?
She forcefully banished the unwanted image of Tom from her mind by focusing all her attention on Sebastian and what he was doing to her. His touch weakened her in a way that made her ache.
His fingers felt so good that tears ran down her cheeks. She forgot the word, wondering why she would ever have wanted to say it.
Her fingers clutched the back of his head, holding on for dear life. Her other fist pressed against the sides of his ribs as she cried out at what he was doing to her. All she could do was pant as she squirmed, helpless, at the indecent delight of it.
"Sebastian-" she gasped. "Oh, Sebastian-"
"I love you so much, Je
It was supposed to be her choice. She told herself that it was.
"Sebastian-"
Surrender.
"Yes," she breathed. "Dear spirits, forgive me, yes."