Garden of Sins

“You are only eighteen.” Mason’s voice suddenly breaks through my thoughts and I flinch and blink. My mind had drifted. I can barely look at him because you look so much like him. My stomach is cramping. His gaze is forward and I notice that we are downtown, stopped at a traffic light. “You have your whole life ahead of you. You are intelligent, pretty, and self-confident. You should just put Caden behind you.” I don’t know how he knows. I have no idea. I don’t know anything anymore.

And how would I ever be able to move on from you? No matter how you used me, I will never stop loving you. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever forgive you, but who I love is up to me and my heart.

Mason gives me a gentle look before he taps the gas pedal and drives on because the light has turned green.

“Alayna, seriously, these are not good guys. They’re my boys, so I know what I’m talking about. They are twice as bad as I was and no woman can stand that no matter how strong she is.”

The fact that he says that about his own children makes me wonder.

“Caden is as manipulative as my father. I love my father more than anything and I love my sons more than my own life, but it would be better if they stay single forever. Caden has the ability to pull you so deep into his web and wrap you up in it, that in the end, you don’t even know your name. If he tells you your name is Marie, then that is what you believe. Carter is an explosive, impatient, loud, aggressive, irritable volcano, who never sleeps, as you have seen. The two of them together, Alayna, leave nothing but devastation. Unfortunately, the two of them can only exist together and because I don’t want you to suffer anymore, you should just stay away.

He remains silent for a moment while I lean my head against the seat and think about his words. I wouldn’t care, Caden, if only you hadn’t used me like that. If only you hadn’t ripped my heart out with your bare hand.

Mason sighs heavily. “It’s been like this since they were little. Caden was always fucking up. He used to make all the girls in the first grade cut their hair. He manipulated the boys he didn’t like in the second grade until they beat each other bloody for things they didn’t do. In junior high, he blackmailed all the teachers so that he and Carter would get good grades. He had information about their lives that, to this day, I don’t know where he got it from. In high school, he got a girl to give her virginity to the entire football team at school and he didn’t even participate, he merely watched.” I’m going to be sick, really sick. That isn’t you, Caden. “Carter was the first one to have her, naturally, then the rest. He always did everything for his brother. He got him out of all sorts of shit and Carter was always in a lot of trouble.”

And that’s what you did to me, right? Carter was allowed to have me first? Wasn’t that you in the storeroom?

“And Carter,” Mason continues, “He can’t stand not being the alpha male. Even I have to assert my position with him and defend it over and over again. But none of this applies to Caden. With him, Carter is different. He can be subordinate to him without any problem because Caden also keeps Carter trapped in his web. And together, you can imagine what they are willing to do, especially for each other. You should never forget that they are willing to die for each other at the drop of a hat and that can be dangerous. Caden may seem harmless on the outside, unlike Carter, but if he can’t control his i

His words are devastating, but I am unable to react to them because everything inside of me has been numb since the moment you pulled your hand out of mine.

Mason pulls up in front of my parents’ house and I feel even worse. From now on, no more sun, no more loud Ava, no more screaming Carter, no more ru

“I always thought I was the darkness,” Mason says as if he heard my thoughts as he looks at our house. “But you know, ever since they were born, I’ve come to realize what darkness means and what it means to be pulled into an abyss. And the worst part of it is that I know how much they both suffer from carrying it inside them.” He looks at me again and lifts the corner of his mouth. “You can still always call if you want to come by or talk. It’s not up to Caden who is welcome in my house.”

I wish I could somehow show him my gratitude, but I’m empty, so I simply nod as the corner of my mouth twitches.

Mason takes a breath and I open the car door. As soon as I get out and try to slam it shut, your dad stops me again.

“Alayna?”

I lean over a bit and look in at him.

“Sometimes it’s not the right time for things.”

I answer with a hoarse “sure” before I close the door and like last time, Mason waits until I am inside the house.

Into the dark house where the sink audibly drips. Deep into the darkness that weighs me down. And I don’t think I will find my way into the light without you again. But I won’t tell you that. I will never again tell you how I feel about you. Never show you what’s going on inside of me again.

I’ll never open my heart again.

How can I?

You split it in two, Caden Rush.