Garden of Sins

35. My Monster

Carter

My brother has been gone for a long time now, just like Melissa, who never returned from the restroom. With every passing second, I grow more nervous while the crowd around me is laughing, having fun, and letting go completely.

Usually, I always sense Caden. Usually, I always know when he is around, but right now, I don’t feel shit. I feel nothing but my own nervousness. Alayna is still standing next to me. I spent the last half hour talking nicely to her so as to calm her down and discourage her from going after Caden. He couldn’t stand that. It would fuck him up for good. Right now though, she is staying put.

“Shit!” I hiss and run my hands through my hair. I have a bad feeling and I really need to check on my brother. Now.

My gaze shoots back to alarmed Alayna, who seems to be infected by my restlessness.

“Stay. Here. Alayna. Don’t move from this spot. I am serious. Do you understand?”

She stiffly nods and something in my gaze seems to prevent her from asking more questions.

“Right here, do you understand me?” I repeat.

Now she nods faster and I nod too.

Then I look at Ava, whose hair I spy in the gallery above, where she’s talking to two women. I try to catch her eye. She seems to feel it, which is why she glances over her shoulder and down at me. With a nod, I indicate she should come down so that Alayna is not alone and just to be safe, I have the two together so I can collect them faster if need be.

She gives me a sign that she is about to come and I look again at Alayna who has grown a bit rigid. “Stay here and wait for Ava, okay?”

Alayna nods cautiously and rather doubtingly, but I don’t explain anything else, instead, I turn away.

Impatiently, I push the people standing in my way to the side. Suddenly, with every second, I know more and more that Caden is screwing up right now. And where is Melissa anyway? Why did I bring her with me?

I think I know where my brother is. Well, he’s not here or I’d know.

I make my way to the exit, pushing past all the drunks. My hands are clenched and I rush outside.

It’s drizzling now and the wind is cool as I rush along searching the rows of cars. He must be here somewhere. And it doesn’t take long for me to find him.

When I see him, everything inside me freezes. I freeze. My heart freezes. My head freezes. For a moment, I am completely frozen. As stiff as never before, at least, that’s how it feels.

Caden is next to my car with one hand on the window and his gaze lowered. A lit cigarette hangs from the corner of his mouth and his other hand is buried in black hair.

Melissa’s hair.

With her back pressed against the car, she kneels in front of him, giving him a blowjob — his hips moving back and forth, a few locks falling across his forehead as he watches her.

Hate. So much hatred surges within me. Hate for so many things, but most of all, hate for my brother because all of a sudden, the images are back, all the images from back then. How many times did he pull this shit on me, how many times did he punish me, how many times did he toy with me? How many times did he fuck with my mind? How many times did he use Melissa as leverage?

Hate for cheating on the woman who is the one for him, who certainly doesn’t deserve this or anything we have done to her.

It feels like someone put a bullet in my chest. I feel so betrayed by him. Once again.

It shoots through my veins like poison and I ca

My hands clench, my heartbeat triples, and I feel hot. So hot. The blood rushes in my ears and I crack my neck, but not to calm me down, but to accept it, to absorb it.

I have had enough.

I’ve had enough of this shit.

Enough of his games. Enough of his women. Enough of his ego. Enough of being his Carter. Enough of being his heart because he doesn’t treat it well.

Sluggishly, he looks at me over his shoulder. I notice his fuck-blissful expression before he closes his eyes and his head falls back.

That fucker just comes in her mouth.

When he steps back and closes his pants, I can no longer hold back. I charge him with the drizzle spitting on my face. But I don’t care, I only see him. He is like a red cape.

As soon as I get to him, I grab him by the collar, twirl him around, which he lets happen without resistance, and stare at his fucking face.

He stares at me for what feels like an eternity and then he snorts. “Tit for tat, bro.”

I don’t believe it.

I don’t fucking believe it.

He still cares about that fucking incident in my garage that didn’t mean shit to me. However, he’s breaking something that means something to him and this time, I’m not going to call Alayna and ask her to come back to him. This time, he has gone too far. With all of us.

I lash out and my fist co

“So?” he asks, panting, and sniffs the blood into his nose. “Is that all you’ve got after I fucked her mouth? Should I fuck her ass so that you really freak out?” he continues, goading me. He could say whatever, I can’t hear anything anymore I’m that focused. The rage courses through my cells and I hit him again.

“Shut up, Caden!” I hiss.

But he just grins and spits out the blood. “What was Alayna like when you fucked her? Did you enjoy it, Carter? Behind my back like that?”

Now, I punch him in the stomach twice. I still have so much rage inside me, a lifetime of pent-up fury.

Caden gasps and doubles over, leaning on the car with one hand. It doesn’t hurt me at all. I’m not the least bit sorry. I feel no pity now and I wonder if this is the state Caden usually finds himself in.

I’m still not finished with him. I only see red, which makes me even angrier and more aggressive.

I push Caden firmly onto the wet ground. He goes down fast and groans. He isn’t even defending himself, but I do not care. I don’t care if he is an equal opponent or not.

The rain intensifies, just like the wind, which whips the drops relentlessly against my face as I sit on him.

Breathing heavily, Caden stares at me as the rain washes the blood off his face. “Go on, Carter, get in there and take it away from me like you love to do!”

This time, I strike and ram my fist into his jaw from underneath, smashing the back of his head against the asphalt. Caden groans and pain twitches through his features. Reflexively, he wants to lift his arm and grab the spot, but I kneel on it. For a moment, he presses his eyes shut.

“Shit, shut the fuck up,” I hiss, “Or do you want me to kill you? STOP IT!”

“Ohhh... I’m not done yet, BRO!” he spits at me. I try with all my might to calm down, but I realize that this time I don’t stand a chance. It takes me completely by surprise and I believe I will kill him. Then all this is over.

And he can’t. He just can’t stop. He just can’t give it a rest. He can’t just enjoy what he has.

As I realize it, rage courses furiously through my veins. I grab his hair and bash the back of his head against the ground again. Caden groans in pain and shows with an inviting hand movement that I should go on, challenging me, telling me, Come on, go on, is that all you’ve got? His entire face is bloodied and his eyes are flickering.