Garden of Sins

17. Just normal madness, Caden

Alayna

I’m still half-asleep and dead tired when a roar fills the house. “MOM! YOU’RE SO DAMN UNFAIR, I HATE YOU!”

Mason replies loudly, “Watch how you talk to her, missy!” A door slams shut.

“JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD A SHITTY CHILDHOOD DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO HAVE A SHITTY CHILDHOOD TOO. IT’S NOT FAIR AT ALL! EVERYONE GOES THERE! EVERYONE! I AM ALWAYS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING!”

“We discussed this for three hours while in the car. And my last word is NO, Ava. You want me to spell it for you? Go to your room and think about... I don’t know, think about something. Something meaningful!” Footsteps pound the stairs so loudly it echoes in my head and again a door slams. A

“Mason!” Emilia yells through the house. “Now look for Carter. The smell of grass is everywhere…and what does this actually look like? There’s nothing we can do about it!”

“Fucking toad!” Another door slams and now I’m awake. Groaning, I turn on my back and wince because my ass stings like hell. Just like my scalp and my breasts. I’m wearing one of your big shirts, but I don’t remember putting it on or how I got into this bed in the first place. Blinking, I open my eyes. I can see directly through the glass roof that a real storm is raging outside. Raindrops patter against it and the trees bend violently in the wind. I grope for my cell phone that is lying on the nightstand. It’s three o’clock in the afternoon, the day is practically over, and I ask myself how I can get back into my normal rhythm so that I can go to work on Friday. I am so exhausted that I feel as if I haven’t slept for three nights.

What happened yesterday? I went into Carter’s garage, you gave me drugs, and we had sex in his bed? You spanked me with a belt, tied me to the bed, and said incredible things to me that I can’t remember. Then an angry Carter barged in and I don’t know. All I know is that the sex was epic and I really wanted to do it again. Then you were mad, slapped my ass, and told me to go to sleep, but now you’re not in bed. You’re usually in bed when I wake up. You love to watch me wake up.

But today, there’s none of that because you’re not here. Not present and that bugs me. Totally.

“WOW...DAD, WHAT’S THIS SHIT?” I hear Carter yapping downstairs. “I’ve only had three hours of sleep! I was up till noon!” At least I can tell by his choice of words that it’s him because your voices are also identical.

Why is your room door open? I ask myself. It’s usually closed. Did you do it on purpose to wake me up?

“Caden?” I half yell. “Where are you?” But you don’t answer me.

“Look at the state of this place, you fucking toad. Your little parasitic friends wandered all over the house! I don’t give a shit what they do in your garage, but they have no business here. Have you been doing coke?”

“What?”

“Stay away from coke, you jerk, you look like a fly or a guy with saucers for eyes!” Mason Rush yells.

Shit, when I hear the word coke, I remember what we did yesterday. It was all so different and strange, Caden.

“Carter, you can’t tear the whole house apart every time we’re gone for a night. Next time, I’ll put a refrigerator in your garage and lock everything up,” your mom says sternly.

I knock back the blanket and moan. “Aaaah!” Fuck, I can’t even sit properly. “CADEN?” I cry. “Where are you?”

“WEREN’T YOU EVER YOUNG, DAD?” Carter asks downstairs, irritated. “Ava’s right, just because your youth sucked doesn’t mean ours has to suck!”

“Caden?” I call out again.

“Shit, what is it?” Carter yells up to me. “He’s down here, man! Fuck, I need coffee! Madhouse!”

“Make your own fucking coffee, motherfucker!” Mason shoots back.

“You’re a fucking toad, Carter!” Emilia says next.

“Yes, always me. I know. Ribbit-ribbit.”

I finally get up. My legs hurt so bad. My knees, my back, everything. Oh, my God.

I feel like Jell-O as I slip into panties and loose pants. Then I take a quick look in the mirror that is in your closet and feel my cheek. It is still blue, but not as swollen as before. Instead, I have deep, dark fingerprints on my throat.

“Caden,” I whisper in horror.

Downstairs, Mason thunders, “Fuck, are you guys fucking kidding me?”

I quickly make a messy bun at the back of my head, which you always lovingly call a bird’s nest, and go downstairs to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I look like shit. Under my reddened eyes are deep rings, I am pale, my lips are dry and swollen from kissing, my makeup is smudged, there is still makeup on my forehead, and my pupils are a bit dilated.

I resemble a drug whore.

But so what?

And then there is the cheek.

Like my pimp beat me and strangled me because I didn’t make enough money last night.

I spit out the toothpaste and wash the makeup off my face before going downstairs. Another glance in the mirror is pointless since it will only depress me. I don’t think I’ve ever been this ugly. I want to take a shower, but first, I have to see where you are.

Ava is demolishing her room. I can hear her freaking out, breaking things, as is customary here at the Rush house.

Downstairs, there’s lively buzz and voices, which doesn’t truly suit my mood.

“Watch out, the hooker is coming,” I murmur drily to myself. I still feel out of sorts, like the drugs are still working, but that was twelve hours ago. Can that be? I have to see how you’re doing, then I’ll know if these are after-effects or not.

Emilia is swearing as she cleans the house. I’m only now seeing the extent of it all. Oh, God, I didn’t realize that everything had escalated to such an extent yesterday. Thank God I was up there with you.

“CADEN!” I shout enthusiastically and notice how my eyes shine when I finally find you. With you, the drugs certainly aren’t affecting you anymore because you sit there, reluctantly staring at me with a raised eyebrow. Your eyes seem clear and completely normal except for the icy sparkle in them that immediately makes me insecure.

“Don’t look at me like that, I know I look like shit,” I murmur, to which your other brow also raises. Now everyone is staring at me.

Mason is sitting at the head of the table. His eyes widen in disbelief as he stares at me. He blinks and his nostrils flare before he risks a second glance.

“I know I look like shit,” I repeat. Mason takes aim first at you and then at me.

“What is that, Alayna?” he asks tightly and points to my cheek.

I feel for it. “Oh, that, that wasn’t Caden, don’t worry. He would never do that, would you, baby?” I ask you. You continue staring at me without saying anything. Then I glance around. “It was my mother — for anyone else who is inquisitive, okay?”

“WHAT?” Emilia barks behind me and I flinch. She is like a ninja. I turn and she in front of me with a dustpan, broom, and collected broken glass. Her turquoise eyes narrow and critically examine my face. Then she attempts to march off, but Mason stops her.

“Come along,” he says to her and takes the dustpan and broom from her before gently leading her upstairs. “We have to talk,” I hear him say. Then I sit down at the table where a huge McDonald’s bag stands in the middle and it is only now that I notice Carter. He is gobbling down one cheeseburger after another and I look at you.