Garden of Sins

14. Your other side, Caden

Alayna

Ten minutes later, I’m standing with a packed bag in front of the door, next to the destroyed porch swing because I’m afraid you’ll storm the house like special forces, so I decided to wait for you out here. Dad didn’t even raise his eyes when I left. I’m so glad my mother is not here. Considering your expression when we were talking over video chat, I think it would have ended badly for her. Even I became a little scared, even though I know you would never hurt me.

You don’t need twenty minutes. Your white BMW races around the corner after thirteen minutes and screeches to a stop in front of the house.

You abruptly get out and slam the door behind you. You are clearly angry, but you are never angry. Normally, you are always calm and relaxed, which makes the way you look right now even more intimidating, your hands repeatedly clenching and the tendons protruding on your tattooed forearms.

I quickly circle the car and get in your way, right in front of you, even though my knees are jelly, but I’m just trying to be brave right now. You won’t run through me like a bull.

“Let’s get out of here,” I say and put my hands on your tense chest.

You remove your glare from the house and glance down at my fingers. It’s as if you’re coming up from another world. In your eyes, the anger dances. It’s almost like murderous lust. “You shouldn’t touch me right now, Alayna,” you reply, superficially calm, but I hear from the undertone of your voice that you can hardly control yourself. I have never seen you like this before.

My fingers immediately drop and I instinctively take a step back. I am not tired of life. And since you warned me...

“Caden, she’s not here. Let’s just go.”

You’re doing it again, rotating your head left to right, cracking your neck and I see your jaw muscles flex as you try to control yourself. With a jerk, you finally turn away, rip open your door, and sit down hard in the driver’s seat. With both hands, you grasp the steering wheel. You don’t move an inch until I get in. Your glare is glued to the front door and your breathing is labored. Everyone in the neighborhood is staring at us, not only through the windows but also while crossing the street. Everyone is certainly thinking I’m sleeping my way through the neighborhood like my mom.

I hate it when people think badly of me.

You press the accelerator hard as soon as I close my door so that it pushes me into the soft leather seat while you continue staring straight ahead. Your knuckles are white because you are clutching the steering wheel so tightly. I don’t dare speak a single word, so I look at the white shirt that is pulled tightly over your tense biceps.

I won’t talk right now and let you calm down. I don’t want you to see the poor girl in me who needs saving. That’s not me. And because I didn’t want that, I never told you what my life was truly like. I wanted you to know me without reservations. But, I guess it’s too late for that now and I can only hope it doesn’t affect both of us.

Exhaling deeply, I lean my head against the seat while you stiffly fish a cigarette from the box on the center console, shove it between your lips, and light it. All this happens with almost robot-like movements. And although you are so tense, I slowly relax. Because one thing is clear, Caden Rush, I feel safe with you no matter how loudly alarm bells clang in my head.

As soon as the cigarette is lit, you place your tattooed hand on my thigh and I automatically put mine on top. Your fingers give me so much support and that’s worth it, no matter the mind games to me, Caden.

* * *

When we arrive, Carter’s garage is open and we park behind his black BMW. Before I can get out, you are on my side of the automobile, hurriedly opening the door and gently pulling me out by the hand. No one touches me as gently as you do, as if I was sacred. You pull me past Carter’s garage where deafeningly loud music roars from the speakers as he leans against the wall with crossed arms and crossed ankles, smoking a cigarette. A thick waft of smoke comes directly at me.

He raises his eyebrows as we walk past him, but I don’t see him because all my senses are fixed on you.

As soon as we are in the house, you falter and press me against the wall right in the hallway, grab my face…then your lips are on mine. I am totally taken by surprise, but as always, I immediately react to you and return the pressure of your lips. My arms wrap around your neck and my body nestles against yours.

Your hands rest against my black, knee-length, shirtdress, which I quickly threw on earlier. You peer deeply into my eyes as only you can. With one hand, you hastily open your loose black trousers and then pick me up. My back presses against the cool wall and my legs wrap around your hips. Immediately, my heartbeat accelerates along with my breath. You are so overwhelming and once again, I see only you. With hectic fingers, I cling to your hair and lust rushes through my veins. Without releasing my gaze, you thrust inside me with a jerk.

Just like that.

Oh, my God!

With a moan, my head falls backward.

This is so good. Feeling you is like heaven on earth. I claw at your broad shoulders, moaning your name as you bury your face in the crook of my neck. Everything with you is so intense. You intoxicate me, you make me forget. I feel at home with you and I know instinctively that you are the one for me. The one among thousands. You are the one I can let go with. What I know, what I was, what I am. When you’re here, everything else fades away.

Your thrusts go deep and your lips stroke my neck. Your warm breath sweeps over my skin. I am caught in a whirlpool of lust and despair. I am so confused and hurt, yet at the same time, only the fact that you are here counts. That you are inside me. I feel your lips so intensely on my skin that I moan again. My heels drill into your ass and my back scrapes up and down the wall. Your scent befuddles me. You are my personal heaven, Caden Rush, although now, I know you have a devil inside you too. But, for some reason, I believe I could forgive you for anything simply because you are you.

You lace our fingers and press my hand against the wall above my head before you kiss me again. I groan against your lips again and feel fiery lust building in my belly.

You are so uncontrolled and unrestrained, completely unbridled. So pure, without any walls or masks. And I love you just the way you are no matter which walls and which faces you show me. It is simply you. Whether I have known you for a week, a month, or a year, I know it.

And I can finally forget the shit that is my life.

I can finally breathe again.

I can finally let myself fall again — and the abyss is still so black.

God, I love you, Caden Rush.

* * *

You’ve been gone for an hour. You disappear more frequently without telling me where you are going — mostly at night. This time you tapped me under the chin and kissed me. I was left hanging in the air when you retreated because I wanted more and you promised me there would be more later.

We didn’t speak much.

But you held me and made me forget with your body. You are so good at that. And I give myself to you so gladly. You spoiled me, kissed every part of me, and adored me. No one has ever touched me like that before and I had to fight back the tears because it touched me. You touch me so deeply.