Garden of Sins

46. Without sun, Isabelle

Carter

The red lights dance across the bodies of the half-naked chicks around us. I slide down deep into one of the black chairs, but Caden first spreads out his leather jacket on the upholstery because he is disgusted. Yeah, everything’s a bit fucked up here because screwing is going on everywhere, but I don’t give a shit. We’re in XX, one of the biggest Sex-Drug-Rock-n-Roll-Clubs of de Luca’s, but without the rock ‘n roll. I’ve been back home for a week now, Isabelle, and I continue searching for you every day, but I can’t find you. You simply dropped off the face of the earth. I don’t like that. It’s not right and it fucks me up, just like the mug in front of me. The face of your fiancé, Isabelle.

Dorian de fucking Luca.

There he is in his black sweater with those hands on the armrests, those hands with which he surely touched you and where the gold signet ring with the inlaid XX on his left middle finger flashes. He touched you, didn’t he?

And he had that cool little smile on his lips and that calculating sparkle in his dark blue eyes, though now, they appear sad as he gazes at the blonde who is working the pole, like his nerves are fried because you are not there. Right?

The red lights also dance across the shiny silver gun in his waistband. One of his bodyguards approaches and whispers something in his ear.

I swish the whiskey in my glass and the stripper almost swings her hair in my face. Caden briefly looks at her, not amused, and if Dorian weren’t here, he would have sent her away by now. Caden doesn’t like women who are not called Alayna, swinging something in his face.

I let myself be distracted by the sight of her and the two X’s covering the nipples on her perfect tits. Of course, if you were here, Isabelle, it would be different. You’d be gyrating on my lap. I remember that time we were at that strip club. Oh, shit. I remember you dancing for me in the bathroom at the club and I fucked you on that filthy sink. But, you’re not here, Isabelle, so I’m just going to have to make do.

Last week, I fucked a whore for the first time because my brother isn’t playing anymore, the woman I want isn’t around, and I have a lot of built-up pressure inside me. Somehow, I have to let it out.

Dorian nods and mumbles something to his bodyguard. I wonder if he mumbled something to you too. I wonder how he dealt with you at all.

Then Dorian waves the bodyguard away and takes his cigarette case out of his back pocket. He lets it pop open and slips a cigarette between his lips. His gaze glides over us.

Caden sits still with his hand against his temple and watches the dancers on stage with moderate interest, seemingly looking right through them. With Caden, you never know what is going on in his mind. He used to drift off for hours and I always had to wait for him because he was engrossed in his thoughts. He collected all the questions in his head all day long and then asked them one by one in the evening when Dad came home. Dad was not always patient, but Mom was.

When the stripper dances her ass over to me and slides down the pole, Dorian waves her off the table with two fingers. Naturally, she reacts immediately. Dorian leans the back of his head against the armchair and continues watching her, more like an interesting exhibit than a woman or a thinking creature.

As she disappears behind the curtain, his dark blue gaze glides back to us. Caden straightens up a little and takes his elbow off the backrest.

Dorian leans forward and supports his arms on his thighs. I imitate this pose because the music in the club is loud. We are in a somewhat quieter corner, but I still can’t understand everything. Caden does, he understands everything, that’s why he doesn’t move.

“You’ve been working for us for some time now,” Dorian begins. His voice is dark and rough. He acts as if nothing could really touch him. I wonder how one can be so jaded at his age. He’s only eighteen, a year younger than us, and already being trained to take over the business.

“I spoke to my father,” he says now. “And put in a good word for you.” Oh, he put in a good word for us, Isabelle.

Caden cocks his head. I’m not looking at him now, I’ll just find out what he’s looking at later. Caden always notices more than the obvious.

“I want you two to be my first captains. I want you fully committed. I want you to be part of the family. What do you say?” Dorian sniffs and cracks up since he snorted a line of cocaine earlier.

Okay. I knew this day would come one day. I knew that at some point we’d have to make a decision. I knew the benefits the boss could get from us would not remain hidden. Twins, one with iron fists and the other with a brilliant mind would not remain undiscovered for long.

Dorian lets his gaze drift from me to Caden and raises one brow. “Well, what do you say?”

My brother has lapsed into his expressionless mode. He learned early on that you can’t let your true emotions show, that you have to wear a mask.

His eyes slide to me. Actually, you don’t say no to Dorian de Luca, no matter what he asks you to do. And actually, no man voluntarily enters when there is another choice. This is simply extraordinary because we don’t have Sicilian roots. Nevertheless, I know Caden will find a way out if I really don’t want it. I always rely on that. But, eventually, they will find you, baby. At some point, you will return to them and then maybe I should be there too. I don’t have anything to lose anymore anyway and if I am at the source, I’ll have a better chance of catching up with you to protect you.

I have always known that my path would be darker than what I live at home. I have always felt that normal is not enough and I didn’t want a life in the light.

Rather, an existence in the darkness.

Caden sighs before he looks at Dorian again.

“Give us 24 hours,” he says calmly, looking defeated as if he knows how it will all turn out.

Dorian is satisfied. He also looks as if he knows what will happen next and lifts the corner of his mouth. “Sure,” he says gently and my brother takes another deep breath. Dorian leans back and waves a whore to him again, pulling her onto his lap. “You can go now.”

And we’re leaving, Isabelle.

We’re going, but we’ll be back. I know it.

* * *

We are in the car and as usual, I drive. My brother sits next to me, as always, staring out the side window. The night is dark and cold. The lake glistens on our right and the moon reflects off it. Tagged walls with XX are everywhere and a few partygoers stagger down the sidewalks.

I love driving through Chicago’s streets at night. I love this city and I wonder, like so often, if you are still here, but you’re probably long gone by now.

My gaze wanders to Caden, who now looks at me too.

“Bro,” I say, “you don’t have to do this with me.” I know Caden already has his life mapped out. Graduate with honors, FBI school, then work as a profiler for Granddad. He would be perfect scrutinizing the most psychopathic minds and profiling them. Predicting what their next moves might be and putting crazy serial killers behind bars. He doesn’t want a life in the dark. Caden appreciates the light, the brightness, because there is so much warmth within him under all the darkness.

He looks at me like he heard wrong. “You’ll die without me,” he informs me drily.

“I promise not to die,” I say half-heartedly.