Garden of Sins

Dad looks so damn tired. He watches me too and strokes his chin. His knee is bouncing. He is nervous. Maybe he knows about some of the things I’ve been doing the last few weeks. I hope not.

Ava is her withdrawn self and moves as little as possible because she can’t judge our moods.

To me, Caden is not Caden at all anymore. He seems so hollow, so empty. It’s as if the batteries and everything he needs to live has been removed. So, Alayna has really left him. I will talk to him later, smoke a joint with him on my couch, and just be there for him. After the way I messed him up, it’s the least I can do. Everything contracts inside me. I don’t like to see my brother so devastated. But maybe we both needed this. Him and me. Alone. Forsaken. Fucked up. Nothing left.

“Where have you been, Carter?” Mom asks quietly now and I look from my brother to her.

“On the road, Mom,” I answer hoarsely and clear my throat.

Dad stares at me knowingly and I avert my eyes and direct them at my plate where the lasagna is steaming. I knew that sooner or later it would cause problems. What I do is just not compatible with what Dad does.

The meal is rather quiet and that’s good. Caden and I are not ourselves or maybe, too much ourselves.

As soon as our plates are empty, I look at him and he sluggishly returns my gaze. I nod toward my garage before getting up. My brother does the same and we make our way there together, just to do what we do best.

Fucking off.

* * *

We sit in my garage, me in my beanbag chair and Caden on the couch. We share the joint I rolled and the dense smoke drifts toward the ceiling.

We just sit there, quietly smoking for quite a while, hanging out with our own thoughts. I wait. I know that we both have a lot to tell each other. I wonder if Alayna left voluntarily because Caden once again fell into his pyscho-mode, which I somehow can’t believe, but what do I know, maybe, he drove her away.

“She’s gone,” my brother finally says with a sigh as he samples the joint between his fingers.

I look at him. I thought so. “How did you get her to leave?” I want to know because Alayna truly loved him. It wasn’t manipulation.

His expression is empty when he turns to me. “I only had to be honest with her once,” he admits quietly and I frown. People always say honesty is rewarded, but it doesn’t look like Alayna rewarded him. Quite the opposite.

“I told her we were playing, that I had something going on with Melissa, everything,” he explains and hits the joint again, exhaling the smoke over the top of the joint. The thing with Melissa doesn’t even make me angry anymore; it doesn’t affect me.

“So you drove her away,” I say hoarsely. Who would have believed that my brother would let someone voluntarily go who meant so much to him.

“Yes,” he says beaten. I know how it is for Caden now. Once he has let a woman into his heart, another won’t stand a chance. That’s it. Alayna will remain the one. But maybe there’s a way for them to get together someday. Who knows?

“What about you?” my brother asks lazily. “Why do you look the way you do?” He hands me the joint and I grab it.

“You won’t believe me,” I mumble to myself and stare at the joint.

“What?” Caden hates not knowing things. No matter what mood he’s in. And even now, for a second, it perks up his spirits.

“Isabelle Marino. Dorian de Luca’s fiancée. That is the woman I spent the last six weeks with.” I take a hit and the shock that spreads across Caden’s face briefly awakens my spirits.

“Are you kidding me?” he asks breathlessly.

“No,” I answer, taking another hit and swing my arm over the beanbag. “She fell right into my lap. Suddenly, she was there and she was so...” I can’t find the words, but I can still see you in front of me. How you suddenly fell from heaven, also known as the table, right into my arms like a black angel.

“Forbidden?” Caden fills in the blank.

“No. I didn’t know. I had no idea who she was. But she was there and she was...” I’m going to stop and find the right word for you. “Perfect for me.”

The next hit of the joint is pretty deep.

Caden looks at me incredulously. “And then what?” he asks almost reluctantly.

“Then she left. She had to disappear before Dorian found her. You know how he can be,” I say, trying not to let all this get to me.

“Okay, that tops everything,” Caden says and I nod.

He says nothing more and we lie there again in silence, thinking and smoking, eyes turned to the ceiling. We simply exist because we need it and it is actually a little easier to bear with two people, Isabelle.