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“I know, but I chose—”
Her grip on my face tightens. “If you never listen to or believe another word that comes out of my mouth in this lifetime, please listen to me right now.”
Her demeanor is so pressing and her tone is so stern, it leaves no room for argument.
“Jackson and I went to a few lamaze classes,” she starts. “I'm not dumb, I want the epidural, plus I devour pregnancy books like they're going out of style and call my doctor every time I so much as have a weird hiccup, so the classes were mostly for him. He said he's a visual learner so I thought the classes would be a good idea.”
When I open my mouth, she holds up a hand and says, “I swear, there's a point to this story. Please let me finish.”
I nod and give her my undivided attention.
“We were I think about 4 classes in when a new couple arrived. The dad was real nervous, and he had clearly done his research because every time the teacher tried to do a group quiz, he would interrupt with the answers. We didn't think anything of it, you could tell he was super anxious about becoming a first time father like most dad's in the room.”
Her brows knit together. “Anyway, she finally put on the dreaded birthing video...I say dreaded because that shit is scarier than the exorcist to a woman who's pregnant with her first baby. Most of the dad's were doing their best to calm the mother's, lots of hand holding, coddling, the whole nine. But this guy...he was just zoned in on the screen looking like he was about to fall apart. Even Jackson got worried.”
She takes a breath. “The teacher went over to him and reminded him that childbirth was the most natural thing in the world and that women have been doing it for centuries...but he just wigged out. He stood up and started shouting all these statistics regarding women and children that die while giving birth. And then he started pointing at us and telling us that either one of us or one of our babies wouldn't make it out alive.”
I slap my hand over my mouth, completely outraged for her. “Oh my god, that's horrible.”
“I know, the teacher kept trying to calm him down, but eventually she had to call security to come get him. Jackson would have dealt with him, but during his break down he looked at Jackson and said— 'Your girl or your baby, who you go
“Jesus.”
“Yeah, it was really scary, and it's why we haven't been to a class since.”
She shifts on the couch to face me. “Anyway, the point of me telling you all that is this—On our cab ride home, I asked Jackson who he would choose.”
She looks down. “I needed to know, I needed to know that if that situation were to ever take place...he would save our baby.”
She tears up again and I do as well. “He said he couldn't do it. He said he refused to answer and got really upset. When I kept pestering him about it, he ended up exploding and shouting that he would save me.”
She gives her head a shake. “I was so upset, but then he asked me the same question...and I...I ended up choosing him as well.”
She cups my face in her hands. “There are a thousand different reasons why we chose each other. Everything from already knowing and loving each other, to who would have the better outcome. But none of that matters, because all you need to know is this...losing your baby wasn't your fault, Lou-Lou. You choosing Ricardo wasn't your fault. You were in the worst situation, a situation I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and you had to make a snap decision.”
She hugs me tight. “It wasn't your fault. You still protected someone in that room. You protected someone with all your heart and soul, but it doesn't mean you didn't protect your baby. It doesn't mean you deserved to lose your baby. It's not your fault, Lou-Lou. It's Bruno DeLuca's fault. Put the blame on him where it belongs.”
Something in my heart cracks and mends and I hug her tight. I never thought of it that way before, and although it doesn't change the heartache over losing Thumper, it comforts me in some small way. It gives me a thought to cling to in my darkest moments.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “Thank you so much.”
I hear Jackson clear his throat, looking understandably confused because when he last saw us, it was Alyssa who was hysterical in my arms.
Alyssa waves him off. “Go away, Jackson. We're talking.”
Jackson throws up his hands. “I'm go
Alyssa shoots him a look as if to say, 'Are you kidding me?' And Jackson grins from ear to ear. “The usual, got it,” he says, before disappearing into the kitchen.
“Mayo and ketchup instead of mustard this time,” she calls out and he mutters something under his breath.
I pull away and look down at her belly. “How far along are you?”
She couldn't help the smile on her face if she tried. “I literally just hit 27 weeks today. I—god. It's crazy. At first it felt like I had so much time to get prepared, even after the trial, and now, it just hit me that I don't.”
She puts her hands on her head. “The nursery's not even done yet and we still have to go shopping for more stuff and—”
I reach for her hands. “Relax, I'm pretty sure stress isn't good for the baby. You have plenty of time. We can all pitch in and help with the nursery and we can all help you go shopping.”
I hear the front door open and Tyrone, Shelby, and Momma walk inside.
“Really? I mean, I wouldn't ask you to go shopping or help with the nursery, not after—”
“I can do it,” I tell her. “I want to do it.”
Jackson walks back into the room and I adjust in my seat. “Wicked step-sister or not, technically I'm this kid's aunt...so good luck keeping me away. In fact, I can start helping with the nursery after di
I hear the front door open again. This time, it's Ricardo who walks in and my heart stutters in my chest just like it always does.
Jackson throws his hands up again. “No. You don't have to do that.”
“Do what?” Ricardo questions when he enters the living room.
Jackson looks around at all of us, appearing exasperated now. “I finished the nursery today.”
He gestures to me. “Thanks to Lou-Lou keeping Alyssa occupied for a few hours, I didn't have micro-managing Momma—”
“Hey!” Momma shouts and Jackson rolls his eyes. “Not you, Momma.” He looks at Alyssa and grins. “This Momma.”
“I don't micro-manage,” Alyssa says defensively. “I just think it should be sheep or pigs.” Her eyes sharpen. “Pick one, Jackson. Because you can't have both.”
“Well I would, but you keep changing your mind every two seconds.”
Alyssa opens her mouth to argue, but Jackson takes her hand and helps her off the couch. “Like I was saying, thanks to Lou-Lou keeping you occupied for a few hours, I was finally able to get everything done. The nursery's finished. I even put that mobile thing up and folded and put away all the baby clothes that you washed.”
Alyssa springs into his arms. “I love you,” she says, breaking into tears once again. “Can we go see it?”
He nods, until he looks at me and Ricardo. “I mean, um—”
His sentence is cut off when everyone, including me and Ricardo, rush to Tyrone's old bedroom.
“Oh my god,”Alyssa cries when we enter. “It's so beautiful.”
She's right, it really is. This is the most perfect nursery if there ever was one. Jackson did an amazing job.
Alyssa looks back at me and crinkles her nose. “He went with the pigs.” She cups her hand over her mouth. “I was secretly hoping for the pigs.”