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She crinkles her nose. “I thought maybe—”
“No. Trust me, I want him gone more than anyone.” I fold my arms around myself protectively. “You saw my meltdown in the hallway a few days ago. That shit wasn't for show...it was real.”
I draw in a shaky breath. “I'm not sure why DeLuca kept him alive, I can only assume it was so he could have the ultimate leverage to use against me in case he wanted me to do something even more messed up than usual and I protested.”
I open my arms wide. “Because that's pretty much how me and DeLuca's relationship worked...I was no better than one of his lackey's. Only difference is, he controlled me, used and abused me, and called it love. He made the 15-year-old me believe he was her savior all those years ago when he was anything but.”
I push my bangs out of my face. “Ricardo's not like that though. I don't know why he's still alive, Alyssa. But whatever the reason is, I know it's an important one. I also know that the situation will be handled soon. I don't know when or how. I don't know any of the details, and quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to...but I trust it will happen. Ricardo loves me too much not to kill him.”
I look her right in the eyes. “I'm really sorry your mother got caught in the cross fire in all this.”
Hot tears run down my face because if she didn't hate me before, she's going to hate me after my next statement, but it's the only thing I can honestly think of to say to her. “I'm sorry she's gone...but maybe you can find solace in knowing she's not in any pain anymore. Because trust me, Alyssa, being with him—there was nothing but pain.”
I take a step in her direction. “But now she can be at peace. Hate me all you want, but I truly hope you find some kind of closure in that, because it's the truth. She's at peace now, Alyssa. She's free.”
I don't even have time to brace myself before she's throwing her arms around me, crying so hard I have to look at Jackson to make sure she's okay.
He gives me a smile and squeezes my shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispers.
I'm not exactly sure why he's thanking me, instead of dealing with this himself now, but I nod anyway.
Alyssa's still a blubbering mess in my arms, but he spins around and walks backwards, pointing to what used to be Tyrone's old bedroom. “I have to finish putting some stuff together in here, but if you need me don't hesitate.”
A smile stretches across his lips. “I love you, Alyssa,” he calls out, but she just waves a hand in his direction and he leaves.
I'm at a loss of what to do, I never thought I'd be in a position of consoling a hysterical, pregnant Alyssa in my arms.
“It's the hormones,” she blubbers. “It makes me a raging bitch one second and a basket case the next.”
I pat her back awkwardly, since she's making no move to stop this strange hug-fest. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Just hold me,” she wails.
So I do.
After what feels like hours have gone by, she finally pulls back. “Thank you for saying what you did. It was messed up, but it was the truth.” She exhales sharply. “I hate that she's gone and I'm pretty sure this is a loss I'll never get over. But it was something I needed to hear.” She smiles through her tears and looks up. “I know she's with my dad now...where she belongs.”
She looks down and pats her tummy. “Jackson keeps telling me that I'll always carry the best parts of them with me, but I don't think I believed it until now.”
She sits down on the couch and looks at me. “I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you before, and I'm really sorry I called you a whore. That was uncalled for and not true.”
She points to herself. “Jackson was right, me out of all people should never call another woman that. I've had my fair share of slut shaming and it wasn't exactly a picnic.”
I open my mouth but she holds up a finger. “Jackson was also right about another thing, too. None of us were better off without you...especially Ricardo. I'm not going to lie to you, he scares the shit out of me, Lou-Lou. Mostly because he's so unpredictable and well, he's freaking scary.”
She rubs her forehead. “Now that I think of it, he's actually the storm in everyone's lives.” She shrugs. “I guess what I'm trying to say is that as unpredictable and scary as he is, you have a way of taming him. Well, when you want to. I've never seen anything like it. I mean, me and Jackson feed off each others energy sometimes, and there's always an out of this world co
She puts a hand over her heart and inhales deeply. “I don't know if you two will end up killing each other or end up happily ever after. You both are volatile together and...I don't know, Lou-Lou. It's intense...there's just so...much between you two when you're together. I honestly don't know how you deal with it.”
She makes a face. “I'm sorry, that was rude. I just—damn. I knew you and Ricardo had a history back then, heck I even teased you both about being Romeo and Juliet when I took you hostage...I just didn't think I was actually right.”
I'm at a loss for words, because she's not exactly wrong. All of those things describe me and Ricardo's relationship perfectly...and then some.
And she's right...Ricardo DeLuca is the storm. A very dark and dangerous storm.
A storm I'll never tame or calm, because I love the intensity of it.
A storm I don't want to survive, because I want to live inside it forever.
I'll dance in Ricardo's storm for as long as I live.
Until the day it kills us both.
She looks around the apartment. “Well now that we've got the fighting, the tears, and the serious conversation out of the way. Is there anything else you want to do?”
I can't help but laugh as I sit down beside her. “I don't know, is there anything you need help with around here? I know there are certain things you can't do in your, um...condition.”
She gives me a strange look. “I'm pregnant, not disabled.” Her eyes drop down and she curses. “God, I am batting a thousand today, huh?” she says sarcastically before her expression turns pained.
She smooths her hands on her pants and her eyes swivel to mine. “Jackson wouldn't go into any details the other night, all he said was not to talk about the baby that much in front of you and Ricardo.” Her face fills with sorrow. “I'm so sorry, I had no idea.”
I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I can speak. “It wasn't your fault. I—um. I'm dealing with it the best that I can.”
“If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here.” She fidgets uncomfortably. “At the risk of you punching me in the face, I want you to know that miscarriages are common. It wasn't your fault and you didn't do anything wrong—”
“It wasn't a miscarriage...it wasn't an abortion either. My baby was taken from me.” I bring my knees up to my chest. “But you're wrong, it was all my fault.”
“I don't understand—”
I take a deep breath...the deepest breath I've ever taken before I tell her everything that happened.
I tell her what DeLuca took from me and Ricardo.
I tell her how it was all my fault.
This time it's me who's a blubbering mess as Alyssa consoles me.
She sweeps my hair back and looks at me. “God, Lou-Lou, I'm so sorry. But still, it wasn't your fault.”
Before I have a chance to argue with her, she folds me in her arms. “You were forced to make the worst choice I've ever heard of. DeLuca would have killed Ricardo, and then he would have forced you to raise the baby as a DeLuca.”