Blame it on the shame Part 2

I feel something drip down my face with my next thought.

I wanted to be our baby's father.

Correction-I wanted to be her baby's father.

I stare at her and my heart compresses against my chest.

I would have loved our baby with every single part of me. That baby would have been the very best part of me...her.

Because inside that broken and damaged soul is a girl who's stronger than a diamond.

A girl who's afraid of the monsters under her own bed...but would fight them all head on to protect those she loves.

Lou-Lou might have started out as the devil's mistress...but somewhere along the way she ended up becoming my angel.

And now I have to let my angel fly far away...before I end up dragging her through the pits of hell with me.

Her eyes lock with mine from across the church and I stand up and start making my way over to her.

I'm only a few steps when she runs and launches herself into my arms.

I catch her and hold onto her for dear life because I know it's the last time I'll ever hold her like this.

"I'm sorry I called you a coward," she says. "You're not. You're the furthest thing from one, Ricardo. I was angry and upset and I—"

I close my eyes, bury my face into her neck and inhale her—my heart is begging me not to let her go but I have to. "It's okay, baby."

Her tears soak through my shirt and I feel my own eyes begin to burn. "I miss you," she whispers. "God, I've missed you so much."

I pull back, cup her face in my hands, and stare into those gorgeous doe eyes of hers. "I miss you, too...I'll never stop missing you."

She stiffens in my arms. "I don't understand. Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?"

"Because I am."

She stares up at me in confusion as I continue. "You deserve to live, Lou-Lou. You deserve to travel the world, fall in love, have babies, and experience everything this life has to offer."

Her lower lip trembles and she takes a step back. "No. I don't want to travel, I can't have babies anymore...and I don't want anyone else in the world but you. " She shakes her head. "Don't do this to me, Ricky." She grabs the collar of my shirt and more tears fall down her face. "Please don't send me away. Please don't get rid of me. I—I don't have anyone else."

That statement smashes what's left of my heart because I know she'd stay with me forever.

But not for the reasons she should.

She'd stay with me out of habit...because she doesn't know what it's like outside the prison walls that both her father and DeLuca have trapped her in.

She'd stay with me...because she thinks it's what she wants.

But the reality is...she has no idea what she wants.

Because she's never had the choice before.

She's never had the freedom to choose.

She's never taken a single breath without a monster breathing down her back.

She's never spread her wings...because she's never been let out of her cage.

I pull a key out of my pocket and hand it to her. "There's a locker at JFK. Inside you'll find a brand new passport and documents with a whole new identity. You'll also find cash, a burner phone, and keys to a car in case you decide that's what you want instead. The choice is yours. You can go anywhere you want."

She's still shaking her head when I pull two guns out and hand them to her. One of them is my beloved Beretta 92' ...and both of them are registered to me. "Keep these on you at all times. Don't ever go anywhere without them. If you think you're in danger...shoot first and ask questions later. Then call me on that burner phone and I'll take care of everything."

I pull a card out of my wallet. "There's a good amount of cash in that locker for you, but when you need more...use this. It's linked to my offshore account and it can't be traced by anyone except for me. You can use it for anything you want and it will always be available to you."

"Ricardo—" she starts to say but I put a finger to her lips and silence her.

"You are everything good in this world. And it kills me that you never had the life you deserved."

She opens her mouth but I silence her...this time with my lips.

Our last kiss is like coming up for air and drowning at the same time.

She's coursing through my bloodstream, branding me as hers forever...and letting me go.

Just like I want her to.

I push her away. "You have to leave, Lou-Lou...or I'll never let you."

Tears fall down her face like rain and she gives me one last look...before turning around and walking away.

When I hear the wooden door shut—I check my watch, pull out my cell phone and dial Emilio. "Did you tell DeLuca what I told you to?"

I hear silence in the background before he says, "Yeah. He wants it confirmed by a doctor but I planted the seed in his head just like you wanted."

"Good."

"Not exactly," he says.

"How so?"

"Because there's no doubt in my mind that DeLuca told the council...and they're obviously going to figure out it's a lie—"

"I'll deal with the council."

I watch as the blip on the gps in my car stops moving. "Do me a favor and find out where Jackson is. I'm pretty sure I already know...but I need to be positive before I make my next move," I say before I hang up.

I walk over to the votive candles and pick up the same candle that Lou-Lou lit earlier. Then I pull out one of DeLuca's cigars from my pocket and light it.

I look around the church and smile. "Forgive me, father, for I have si

And so have you...and today's the day you're going to burn in hell for it.