Blame it on the shame Part 2

Chapter 42 (Lou-Lou)

He jumps out of bed. "Absolutely not." He begins pacing. "You're not going anywhere near him again, Lou-Lou. I mean it."

I wrap the sheet around me and sit up. "You can't tell me what to do."

I get out of bed and stand in front of him, my anger growing by the second. "I need to kill him."

He crosses his arms and stares me down. "No. It's too dangerous. I told you. I'm handling this."

I match his stance. "Just like you handled everything before?"

Hurt splashes across his face but I don't care. "There's nothing you can do to stop me, Ricardo. It's happening."

He takes a step forward. "No it's not." He grabs me by my arms. "He'd kill you before you'd even get the chance."

I back away from him. "I need to kill him, Ricardo." Tears well in my eyes as I reach for my purse. "He has taken everything from me."

"Lou-Lou," he says softly while reaching for me.

"No," I scream while rummaging around in my purse. "I'll never be free. I'll never be able to escape him if I'm not the one who kills him." I pull out the sonogram and slap it on his chest. "He took my baby. He took the one thing I wanted more than anything."

He flips over the sonogram and looks at it. His finger grazes the spot where 'Thumper' is scrawled and his eyes become glassy.

"The heartbeat," I state. When he gives me a questioning look I say, "The first time I went to the doctor I wanted an abortion. I wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy because I thought it would be easier for me. I was trying to protect you. I was trying to protect everyone."

His eyebrows knit together and he opens his mouth but I halt him. "The nurse screwed something up with the wires and this scary, frantic, amazing, thumping sound filled the room." I clutch a hand to my chest and force myself to go on because he needs to understand. "God, Ricardo. It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life. So strong, so full of life, such a fighter. I knew right then and there I was meant to be a mother. I wanted that baby. I wanted to be my baby's mother."

"Lou-Lou—" he chokes out before I continue. "I hear that heartbeat every time I close my eyes. It haunts me. Everything that he's taken from me...haunts me."

In two more steps he's pulling me to him and crushing me against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Lou-Lou. But I still can't let you kill him." My stomach sours with those words and I struggle out of his hold but he holds me tight. "Because if something happened to you...if he—," he swallows hard like he can't even say the words. "I'm not putting you in that position." He clears his throat and stands up straight. "I will come up with a plan," he starts and I can barely hold back my scoff of disgust. "A plan that will keep everyone safe before I kill him."

"Jesus this is like a bad case of déjà vu." I snatch my clothes off the floor and begin getting dressed.

His eyes narrow. "Where are you going?"

I button my jeans and head for the door. "Away from you."

He spins me around and my hand co

"What are you talking about?"

I look him right in the eyes. "I waited for you to come up with a plan...and look what happened." I open my arms wide and gesture around the room. "Look where we ended up."

I turn around and reach for the doorknob. "'I'm tired of waiting for you...at least I know I'm not a coward."